


Life is Dark

by Saber007



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 83,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6799393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saber007/pseuds/Saber007
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People always think of monsters as ugly creatures from fairy tales. The real monsters are the ones that look completely normal, the ones that blend in. Mark Jefferson is the real beast. He's my father and I love him. Does that make me a monster?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. War of Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> So I just finished playing Life is Strange and I am hooked. The game showed some messed up sides that people are capable of having. Nothing is black and white. If anybody would be interested in being a beta for the story feel free to send me a message or if I get some information wrong. I've been trying to find a script for the game's dialogue but I haven't been successful yet.

 

_"I can't help but be wrong in the dark,"_

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"Cl..Issa…Ake..Up" I felt a small nudge.

That soft voice was calling again. I wanted to answer, but the dark surrounded me. Only the fleeting flashes of light could push the dark away. The sound of a camera shutter accompanied each shot of light. Why was it so dark?

"Clarissa wake up!" The nudge became a hard tug on my shoulder. I was pulled from the darkness. The flashes of light were replaced with the harsh glare of sunlight. My body felt chilled from the nightmare. I hated the dark. The dark reminded me of that special place.

"Clarissa, come on. You're going to make me late for class. Snap out of it and get dressed." The voice sounded slurred to me. I knew he was speaking, but my brain couldn't process the words.

A heavy weight settled on my nose. With sharp clarity my father's unamused face glared at me. His similar brown eyes were intense. I could faintly smell his aftershave from his proximity. His annoying beard made him look ruff to me. He however saw it as a good imitation of a trendy teacher. Everything about him had to be carefully planned. I was his only wild card, but I knew better. Dad didn't like bad behavior.

Adjusting my glasses I went about the process of getting ready for school while dad complained about my unending morning lethargy.

My reflection made me cringe. The lack of sleep had made depressing wedges under my eyes. It was nothing a little makeup couldn't hide, but dad detested me wearing any kind of product. So I usually avoided it. I'd never be gorgeous anyway. My face leaned more towards the childish side. It doesn't matter my blue glasses will hide the evidence. Dad likes how I look anyway.

"Hmm, I smell something." Opening the door of the bathroom the heavenly smell of my favorite morning food hit my nose. "Oh, bacon."

My moan was drowned out by the loud rumbling of a stomach. The reward of breakfast made me move double time. My white dress slid on me and my messy hair settled into a bun. I'd fix my hair later. Done in the bathroom I entered the kitchen to see dad alternating between sipping black coffee and reading notes for his class lectures at the table. He really took his art classes seriously. Too bad most the students were to stupid to appreciate his wealth of knowledge. Especially the females. They made me sick.

"Morning Daddy." He nodded at me and pushed my hearty breakfast towards me.

I joined him and tucked into my morning meal. No better way to start the day than bacon, eggs, and waffles. Dad is the better cook out of the two of us. I get way too impatient when I cook. Neither of us could hold a candle to the Two Whales though. The breathy chuckle of dad made me pause eating.

"Maybe I should just start putting a plate of food under your nose if I want to wake you up.'' His earlier irritation was replaced with his usual suave smile.

"You never know that might just work. But if you really want my attention just give me some of Ms. Joyce's cooking." My dad's moods were contagious to me.

"Well if you'd get up earlier maybe we could go out for breakfast. Though I don't see why you'd want diner food when you have me as a personal chef. Like they say, 'Nothing taste better than home cooking'." Careful waves of arrogance rolled off his shoulders as laughed again.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to insult the Master Chef." My answer was rewarded with an obnoxious eye roll. For a moment I saw his mouth twitch into that strange expression of his. It was a mixture of amusement and irritation. It seemed impossible for a person to express conflicting emotions in one expression but somehow dad found a way to do it. Just as quick as it appeared that strange smile vanished. This makes it the first time I've seen it today. Usually I manage to see that smile at least ten times a day. I'm such a brat.

"Save that teenage attitude for school. I get enough of that from my students to not want to deal with it at home."

"Yes, Mr. Jefferson." My voice imitated a certain queen bee's voice. It was funny to see dad's grimace. He only liked to be fawned over from a distance or when it served a purpose. The quickest way to lose his attention was obvious posing.

Dad finished his coffee and proceeded to start packing his briefcase. Following his example I cleaned up the table and placed the dishes in the sink. I still needed to grab my bag and fix my hair before we left out. Sliding the closet open I reached for my blue-jean jacket and boots. I usually dressed nicer than this to represent dad well, but I planned on going to the beach after school. Maybe I'd end up getting some good shots this time. Last time I was there I took a good shot of my feet dangling from the ramp. The shot had been disturbing. I don't know why I took it. Sitting at my vanity, I rummaged through my jewelry box for my studs and locket.

The black studs had been my first piercings. I had gotten them from doing drunken dare. Peer pressure from the crazy Vortex Club at its finest. Dad was pissed when he first saw them. He saw them as ugly, that they were a sign of me entering a transition prematurely. That'd been a horrible week for me. I was there…

"It's not dark in here." To stop the trembles I snatched my brush. Like a mantra I repeated the phrase as I brushed. Focus on something.

My hair is auburn. It's bright. One side of my hair was brushed behind my ear. I left the other side covering my face. I'd spend the day pushing my bangs out of my eyes. These eyes are just like dad's.

"Stop thinking. It's time to start another day as Clarissa Jefferson." My shaking hand picked up my satchel. I needed to leave my cave.

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"Alright Clarissa, no getting into trouble with your boy toy today. I don't want to have another meeting with Principal Wells about you skipping class." Dad opened the car door for me. The game of appearances had started.

"I won't. Nathan was just having a bad day and wanted to get away. I couldn't say no." I shuffled next to dad as he hit the lock button. The beep of the car made me flinch. "You know how he can be."

Even though he got me into trouble with dad again I couldn't help smiling. He's my brown menace.

"I do know. As a concerned father it's my job to caution you against reckless behavior. I hate repeating myself, but I don't need to deal with anymore slip ups." Dad casually wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He rarely hugged me. Even if this was anything but a sign of affection I still leaned into his warmth. "Do you understand Clarissa?"

"Yes Daddy. No more trouble for me." I could pretend that he was just being overprotective. I pretended that he didn't want his princess getting into trouble.

"Good girl." He pressed a kiss to my head and separated himself from me. I craved his affection even it was just a front. He gave more of it to his students than me. Though his smitten students don't know him like I do. They'll never really understand him.

The shouting of students calling out to dad interrupted our quiet walk. As expected dad enthusiastically replied to each student. Some of them even greeted me as well. The girls made sure to greet me too. They most likely thought that by showing me favor it would endear their prized teacher to them. I'd laugh at them if I could. When would they figure out flaunting themselves would get them nowhere. Negative thoughts aside, I greeted them all with equal enthusiasm. Having a popular parent meant that almost everyone knew who I was. Whether they took advantage of that knowledge either put them on my shit list or on my prospective list. I made it my mission to know everyone on the prospective list intimately.

"See you later Daddy." We made it to the entrance of the school. I was going to kill time in the boy's dorm until my classes started since dad had classes to teach.

"Wait Clarissa." His voice made me halt and turn back.

"Here." He dropped an inhaler in my palm. "I picked it up for you. I know your last one is getting low."

I gingerly held the inhaler. This small little thing has such a big hold on me. Sometimes I just wanted to toss the stupid thing. If it weren't for who my dad is, the kids at this school would write me off as a pathetic nerd. I mean really, asthma and glasses? I could dress as stylish as I liked or have some of the best grades. I was still burdened with classic wimp problems.

"Thanks I can't believe I forgot to pick it up." I placed the inhaler in my bag. Dark thoughts pushed back.

"Yes you've been out of it, but I can tell this is going to be a strange week though.." He trailed off as he looked out to the sea. He was seeing something I couldn't. "Well off you go. I'll see you in class."

"Have a nice day, Daddy." I waved him off as he entered Blackwell Academy. He was in teacher mode now. Confident gait and charming smile in place. His class was going to be annoying.

"Well off to see my second favorite person." I made my way to the dorms, boots clicking on the pavement.

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Right as I entered the dorms I bumped into Warren. Lucky for him he managed to dodge the door. IT would have been sad for him to be sporting a broken nose to class.

"Hey Ms. Slytherin, no need to smash my face in this early." Warren's smile made my lips involuntarily pull up.

"Sorry, I just thought I'd help you get that bad boy look to spruce up your face." I couldn't help but tease him back.

He always managed to make me seem even more geeky from his constant jokes about my "Harry Potter" collectibles. Sure enough when winter rolls around I'll be sporting my green scarf and Hogwarts sweater. My satchel was the only item I constantly used throughout the seasons. That snake image just fascinates me. Warren thinks I'm wrongly in love with the Slytherin. According to Headmaster Warren I'm supposed to be pro Ravenclaw. He just says that cause I manage to keep up with his grades.

"Ouch, that's harsh. I thought girls liked the cute look anyway." Warren did his own impression of a pout. He really was a cute guy.

"Not teenage girls. But I'm sure you'll get your chance, you're adorable enough." Warren was one of the few people I bantered with like this. He's just easy to talk with. Too bad I was one of those teenagers that didn't care for the cute guy.

"You bet. I guess I don't need to report you for being in the boy's dorms since you said that nice bit about me."

"I bet you wouldn't be saying that if Ms. Caulfield was here instead."

"Hey now, a guy can dream big right?" In typical Warren fashion anything relating to the timid doe made his entire visage light up. It's a shame his crush was so obvious to everyone but the girl in question. Love is strange like that.

"Sure you can. Now out of my way Graham cracker." Warren laughed at me. I heard him shouting he'd save my seat in class as he went out the door.

Luckily no one else was in the hallway so I made my way to room 111. Standing outside the door, I took a quick glance at the slate board. Surprisingly it was blank. Usually there was some haughty phrase on it to make Nathan seem more intimidating. To me they only made me laugh. If only these vapid students could see past exteriors. Feeling devious I took the marker. Nathan will flip when he sees the message. Done, I repeatedly knocked on his door. It took four knocks for the bastard to finally swing the door open. The force of the swing made a nice breeze.

"What the fuck! Can't you see I want to be left alone!" The venom in his voice dropped when he realized it was me. "Oh shit. It's you." He opened the door for me to come in. He's just so charming.

Nathan's temperamental episodes kept most the student body away from. His moods were just too unpredictable so nobody bothered. I was the opposite. If anything it just pulled me in more. I never knew what to predict from this walking whirlwind, but I'd learned how to deal with his bipolar moods. Everyone was scared of a person who was mentally ill. They're scared of the wrong person.

"Wow Prescott, that's quite the package." I let my gaze lower towards his boxers as I walked past him. I was close enough that I felt him twitch.

"Stop gawking, you horny freak!" He slammed the door shut. The tips of his ear are red like his boxers.

"You shouldn't have your junk out in the open then. Flashing someone means they're going to look." I tossed my bag onto the floor. I needed to open his blinds.

"Pshh…You like looking at me…Fucking stalker bitch." He moved my bag next to his couch and returned to his bed.

Nathan liked keeping his room dark, but he gave up trying to stop me from opening the blinds. The first time I'd done it I had to listen to his bitch fit for an hour. Satisfied, I took my usual place on his couch. He'd taken photos of me draped across it a few times before. It was strange having someone else take photos of me.

"Hey, were you masturbating?" My abrupt question made Nathan tense up. Here comes the rage. He looked nice lounging on his bed half nude.

"Fuck you Clarissa! Like I'd be doing that in the morning." His heated glare lacked any real aggression. Still his response proves me right. I'd interrupted his private time. Poor sexually frustrated Nathan Prescott.

"Obviously that's what you want otherwise you wouldn't have a boner." He still had one too. Boys and the their hormones.

Nathan stalked up to me slamming his palms on down on both sides of my head. He leaned in until our noses were touching. Some his brown hair dangled from his forehead. His eyes are so clear. His blue reflects my brown. The warm heat from his bare chest made my pulse quicken. I wanted to stop breathing and make this moment stop. I couldn't be happier seeing him look so intensely at me. I'm just as bad as him. Damn hormones.

"And what's stopping me from doing that right now?" His voice was a breathy whisper. I shuddered.

"Nothing." His lips were getting closer. He closed his eyes. Right before he kissed me I shifted away. I felt those lips on my cheek. It tingled. Who needs drugs when I get a high from Nathan.

"Except you smell like drugs and alcohol. I don't like that smell." Nathan growled and tried kissing me again. I covered his mouth with my hand. Frustrated with me Nathan bit my finger. I grouchily retracted my finger.

"You're such a bitch sometimes." He stood up. I managed to slap his ass in retaliation. He just smirked at me.

"And you're a dick, you rich prick." I sucked on the bite mark to alleviate the pain. He only nipped me so no skin was broken. "But I like you anyway." That's an understatement. My feelings went deeper than that.

Nathan got his bathroom stuff together. He used expensive supplies that caused him to take as long a girl in the shower. At least he always smelled good unless he'd been messing around with his drugs. Knowing I'd be waiting for at least thirty minutes I pulled my iPod out.

"Yeah, only you'd like a sick fuck like me." Nathan left before I could respond to him.

If I hadn't been on my iPod I could have seen that scarce expression of vulnerability. I missed out on capturing something beautiful from him. Too bad he dipped. He did that on purpose so I wouldn't see him crack. All that anger of his is just bravado. Oh Nathan…

Settling on a song, I stopped thinking about Nathan Prescott. The earbuds cleared my mind with music. I had another person I had to check on today. Another prospective. Kate Marsh had closed herself off from her friends and classmates. It was unlike the good little Christian.

"She's been in the dark." As a concerned friend I needed to look out for her. It was expected of me. I pushed the clasp on my locket. My favorite memory was locked in time.

"I'm overcome in this war of hearts." I sung along to Ruelle's song.


	2. Storm

_"I am torn apart by you, it's a spell I can't undo"_

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"You're singing sucks." Nathan's rude comment made stop. Well there goes my plan to serenade him.

"Well you bit me." I mock glared at him. "This is your punishment." Nathan scoffed at me.

Compared to what he's used to my version of punishment is child's play. Although he has an interesting form of punishment that he uses for me when he's not being an ass by screaming or insulting me. Not that I really mind the shouting. He reminds me of a yipping dog when he gets like that. I told him that once and he completely mellowed out and told me he hated dogs. Weird seeing as dogs are usually an accompaniment to rich old man. I bet his dad has a secret lab where he breeds mutant dogs.

"What a dumb punishment. I'll show you a real one tonight." His eyes drifted from me. I ignored his sexual comment.

We were together on his bed. He was leaning against the wall while my head was laying on his legs. Occasionally his leg would spasm. After the princess returned from his long shower he demanded I come relax with him. His thumb was tracing circles on my stomach. I went back to browsing music on my iPod. It's quiet.

"So what's on your mind? Your text said you needed to see me." I shut the iPod off and focused on Nathan. Waiting for him to get serious would get me nowhere. Here, alone in his room, Nathan liked to forget about the world. I don't blame. Our lives are crazy.

"What, I can't see my girl wheneverthefuck I want." Nathan ran his finger over my lip. His smile was soft yet his eyes were unfocused on me.

"Flattering me isn't going to deter my questioning but keep trying." I kissed his finger. "Tell me what's wrong." While affection wouldn't distract me it worked wonders on Nathan. Kisses always turned him mushy.

"I got something." He looked away from me again. He's nervous.

"That's extremely vague. What did you get?" I held his hand and placed light kisses on each of his fingers. Nathan hummed from the attention.

"A gun." I immediately sat up. He wouldn't meet my gaze.

"Nathan." He still wouldn't look at me.

Sighing, I tenderly clutched his chin to make him look at me. His blue met my brown. He's such a beautiful boy when he's like this. Nervous and unsure. It's easy to forget how fragile he is when he's shouting and screaming most of the time. He just needs someone to care about him.

"Why do you feel the need to have a gun Nathan.?"

"Because shit's getting crazy." His answers just keep getting vaguer. What isn't he telling me.

"Nathan, I know you're feeling stressed after the last Vortex Party…" He tried to turn away again. I strengthened my grip. He didn't resist. "But carrying around a gun is serious business."

Nathan getting into fights is a common occurrence. Said fights were more often than not screaming matches. Nobody really messed with him when they knew his father could could destroy their lives at the snap of a finger. I'd never even seen him in a fist fight yet. So for him to outright buy a gun meant that he's spooked hard about something. I need to fix this.

"I need it. I don't plan on shooting anybody…I just need it for…" His vulnerable expression is too much for me.

"If it makes you feel secure then I won't say anything." I won't push him for info he's not comfortable telling me. "Just be careful with it." I let go of his chin and held his hands instead. I rubbed soothing circles on his palms. I'll keep him safe.

"Yeah I got it. I don't need you busting my ass about it. And I don't need your pity either. I'm no bitch." He snatched his hand out of mine to fix his hair.

Asshole. I try to comfort him and he snarls at me. I'm the girl, I'm the one whose supposed to be hot and cold all the time not him. He must have guessed my train of thought from my growing scowl. He jerked me towards him. My cheek smashed into his chest. His arms enveloped me and his head fell on top of mine. I can feel him breathing and hear his heart beating. I feel so cozy. Nice save Nathan.

"So is that it Nathan?" I loosely wrapped my arm around him too. His cologne smelled like the ocean breeze.

The possession of a gun couldn't be the real reason he's stressed about today. Still it concerns me why he needs one. Though I have a hunch why he bought it...I won't let it come to that. That mess up at the last Vortex Party wasn't anything major. I handled it.

"I got a note from this dumb whore. Telling me to meet her today…Like she fucking owns me." His leg started to spasm again. All that medication he took was a load of bull. Why would his father think medicating his son would solve his problems.

"That blue haired bitch thinks she can blackmail me." Nathan left our embrace. He seized his favorite red jacket and dug in its inner pockets. "I'll show her not to fuck with a Prescott!" He tightly clutched the gun. The reflective silver of the firearm glinted.

It's really not a good idea for him to have that on him but I have a feeling he's going to need it. What to do. I know if dad was here he'd tell Nathan to get rid of it. Nathan's too quick to anger. This intimidation plan he's got going might get out of hand. What should I do?

"So who is this girl?" If it gets out of hand, I can fix it. I will fix it.

"Just some desperate bitch." Nathan returned the gun to its hiding place and put his jacket on. His answer irked me for some reason.

"Well I hope you didn't fuck her and now she's trying to get back at you." I didn't mean to sound like a jealous school girl but my petty side came out. Certain things I still slip up with. If dad heard me he'd chastise me for acting like a lovesick teenager.

"No. I don't fuck with punks." He didn't seem phased at all that I asked him that.

"That the only reason?" My voice got a little more spiteful. I'm sure if I took my glasses off my facial expression would match dad's when he's in a mood.

"Come on. Why would I fuck some dyke when I've got my own sexy bitch right here." His honest smile compelled me to come off my bitch fest. Another nice save, but he's still a dick prick.

"Nathan I'd kiss you, but you constantly calling me a bitch is a major turn off." I slid to the end of the bed and put my boots back on.

"Stop acting like it bothers you. You know you get hot for whatever I say." Nathan came back to me. Suddenly his scorching lips were on me.

Shit. My heart is thumping like crazy.

His lips were fiercely attacking mine. My hands gripped his hair. I wanted him closer. Nathan leaned down. His hands pulled my waist to his. We were pressed against each other. Oh Nathan. His rough kisses were sending sparks throughout my body. How can he make me feel like this. I heard Nathan's fevered groan. He's as overcome as I am from these feelings. His kisses move from my lips to my neck. His wet butterfly kisses make me giggle. I feel his childish smile on my neck as he continues his efforts. I nibble on his ear in return. I hear a deep groan from him again. His lower half grinds into mine as his hands move to hold my rear. He's hard again. Our lips meet in a rushed rhythm matching our rapid heartbeats. It's getting so hot. Nathan. Nathan. Nathan…

Our passionate moment in time is interrupted by the obnoxious buzzing of his phone. Fuck whoever is calling him to the underworld and beyond. They ruined a perfectly sexy moment.

Nathan makes some animalistic noise and get ups to check the phone. He quickly silences it after seeing the caller id.

"Fucking cockblocking Hayden…Shit class is going to start soon." Nathan angrily fixed his hair back in place. "Got damn it! I'm too riled up for this shit." Nathan turned away from me to adjust his pants. This time I actually felt bad about his hard on. I'm just as disappointed as him.

"I guess we gotta get going then." My words were breathy since I was still panting from our make out session. I wanted to stay here, stay in our hazy bubble. I want to keep feeling that warm tingle that only Nathan causes in me. I'm intoxicated with him.

Nathan looked extremely pissed but he started grabbing some of his stuff and jamming it in my bag. He didn't care about his classes enough to do most of the work. What was the point when the teachers were just going lie about his grades to please his father. What little work he did do in class he crammed in my bag so he didn't have to carry one. Still he ended up carrying my bag for me so I don't complain. Plus it gives me an excuse to see him in between classes. Not that I need one. Nathan can be cute like any other guy sometimes.

"I guess we're both going to be on edge for first period now."

"Whatthefuckever. Let's just get this fucking day over with." I held out my hand for him and he effortlessly pulled me up. He kept my hand tightly grasped in his. His firm grip didn't bother me. I feel grounded from his consuming need to keep physical contact with me. I feel safe with his affection. I don't have to worry about him turning away from me.

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Warren nudged my shoulder. I saw him pass a sheet of paper to me. I guess our science lecture isn't stimulating enough for him if he's passing notes. Though Warren is a genius so he gets bored easily.

" _I just got a sweet new ride! I'm wondering how I should celebrate. Got any ideas?"_ I rolled my eyes after I read it. Warren not having any ideas is total bullshit. He's always got a scheme up his sleeve to get a girl. The skirt chaser. Or I should say jean chaser since miss-doe-eyes only wears jeans and t-shirts. She really needs a wardrobe change.

" _Stop beating around the bush. I know you're just fishing for girl advice."_ I passed the sheet back when Ms. Grant looked at the other side of the classroom. No need to have her firing questions at me. From the sound of it though she had gone off on a tangent about the environment. Great, her winded speech about saving the Earth would take up the rest of the class. Ten minutes to go. I played with the clicker of my pen while Warren finished writing.

" _You got me Detective Jefferson. I'm thinking about asking Max to go see a movie at the drive in with me. I think it'll be the perfect chance for me to tell her how I feel. Good or bad idea?"_ I grinned at his answer. Warren would be an awesomely romantic boyfriend if he ever got the chance. Max would be lucky to have him. Now if only Nathan could be a little more like him. I wouldn't mind going to the drive-in with him and then a nice dinner. I wonder what Nathan would look like in a tux. Hold on, I'm getting distracted.

" _I think you're old fashioned. How did you even find something like that?…Prepare yourself for bad news…Considering how shy Max is, I don't think you should ask. A drive-in is a very intimate setting. You'll be all alone in a car and the atmosphere will be more on the romantic side. Max is definitely going to feel awkward in that situation. Especially since she's basically friend zoned you for eternity. Try something more chill to get her attention."_ I finished that long response with a heart and smiley face to show I meant no harm.

Better to let him down gently from the get go and not get his hopes up. As his friend I have to give him my honest opinion regardless of how I feel about Maxine Caulfield.

" _You're probably right. I just, really want her to know how much I care about her…But it never hurts to try…One of these days she'll fall for my charm. Then we'll knock you and Nathan off your throne as the 'It' couple of the school. Jeffscott will be replaced with Grahamfield. "_ I love that Warren doesn't let things dampen his mood. It's hard to find optimistic people nowadays.

" _I'm sure she will. Sorry if my advice came off as mean. I don't want to lose my favorite lab partner…On a side note Jeffscott is amazing. I'm totally getting a sticker for that. I don't know about Grahamfield though. We might need to work on that."_ Warren playfully nudged me after he read the note.

The bell rang before he got a chance to write back. Kids were already starting to rush out of class. Ms. Grant was doing her best to remind everybody to study for the upcoming test.

"Come on, I'm not going to get mad for you being honest with me. That's what my best gal friend is for." Warren pulled me in for a one arm hug. "Besides you're the only one in class who isn't bothered by my experimental explosions." I laughed with him. He really is accident prone too when he's playing the mad scientist gig.

"Alright I'll catch you later Grahamfield."

"See! It'll catch on. Watch your back Jeffscott we're coming for your throne." I left Warren after promising to text him later. Dealing with him made me feel almost normal.

Avoiding the throng of students pilling around, I made it to my locker. I had a picture of me and Nathan chilling at a party inside. It was one of the few times he was sober at a gathering. I remember he gave me his jacket cause it was too cold for the bold red dress I wore. Everyone thought it was cute we wore matching colors. Those days seem so far away.

"Hey Clarissa!" I slammed my locker shut. Someone had placed their offensive polished hand on my shoulder. I vehemently hated being touched by girls that tried to play the 'friendly' card on me. Transparent whores.

As I turned around I disregarded my raging thoughts of disgust. My perfect smile was in place. I wasn't allowed to show my true colors at school. Seeing who it was made my mood plummet.

"So, Victoria wanted to know if you wanted to like, hang with us after school. You know, we could totally go chill at the mall or something." Taylor was twirling her bleached blonde hair around her finger. She's no puppeteer. Courtney was right beside her trying to upsell the idea to me. She's like a parrot.

Victoria being the ass-kisser that she is always tried to get me to be apart of her posse. She's the epitome of those girls that try to get to my dad through me. Having me as her accessory would giver unlimited access to him. Like I'd ever let that happen. No matter how many times I turned down her offers of friendship, she kept pushing. I could handle being cordial to her in public, but having to keep that charade up in my free time was just pushing it. Her minions were no better either. They wanted an in with my dad and since they were had shit skills at photography and no real popularity, Victoria was their best chance. Sucks for them. They're on my shit list for life. Only reason I even bother with this particular group of harpies is because of Nathan. He had asked me to try to get along with Victoria.

Speaking of Nathan I could see him swiftly moving through the hallway. He didn't even bother stopping to talk to me as he passed my locker. Strange, he made it a point to show up by my side during school if he had a chance. He claimed the visits were to reinforce to the whole school that I belonged to him. We both have jealousy issues. Though in Nathan's defense there have been a couple of brainless guys that have asked me out in front of him. I loved seeing him get mad those times. It saved me the trouble of having to play the mortified girlfriend.

"Sorry girls, but I need to catch up with my beau. I'll get back to you on that offer." I slid passed Taylor. I would pointedly avoid the Chase group for the rest of the day. Empty-headed bottom feeders.

"You got it girl! We'll hunt you down later." Taylor shouted over the racket of gossiping teenagers.

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I lost had sight of Nathan in the crowd. I hurried down the end of the hallway and caught sight of the familiar red of his jacket. Why had he gone into the girl's bathroom? Is this where he's going to meet that girl. Slightly nudging the door open I heard Nathan's frantic voice.

"It's cool, Nathan. Don't stress…You're okay, bro. Just count to three…" It sounds like he's about to have another episode. Slowly, I opened the door so as to not startle him.

"Don't be scared…You own this school…If I wanted, I could blow it up….You're the Boss." Nathan was staring into the sink and didn't notice my silent approach.

"Nathan." My quiet voice shocked him.

He couldn't hide the sheer panic in his eyes. God, he's more stressed than I thought. Maybe I should try to talk to that girl instead.

"Ris! Whatthefuck! Get out of…" Nathan's rushed words were cut off by the rough swing of the door. Great, could you be more obvious, dipshit.

The cause of the disturbance was a girl with an alarming shade of hair. I don't recognize her but something about her unnerves me. That bright blue hair and punk getup must make her the one who sent the note to Nathan.

"So what do you want?" Nathan went back to staring at the sink. His voice was on the borderline of calm and turbulent. I placed my hand on his back. I needed to keep him in check. This could go south real quick.

The girl gave me a once over. Deciding I wasn't a threat for the moment she started checking each of the stalls. Looking for witnesses? She should've picked a place outside of the school if she wanted secrecy.

"Oh sorry, did I fuck up your quickie? I hope you checked the perimeter, as my step-ass would say." Really? This idiotic punk was making crude jokes. Could she not see how tense this situation was. I don't know if she's reckless or just blind. "Now, let's talk bidness."

"I got nothing for you." His knuckles were white from his harsh grip on the sink. I decided to just let this play out. As long as Nathan stayed in control I wouldn't add fuel to the fire.

"Wrong. You got hella cash, sugar daddy. I'm sure your latest hook up can attest to that." The blue punk rounded back and rudely pointed at me. What the fuck is with her unsolicited attacks, I'm not even talking.

I'm moments away from punching this bitch in the throat. Stop. I need to cool down. If I get upset too than this'll get out of control.

"That's my family, not me. And leave her out of this, whore." I patted Nathan on the back for his defense of me. He's doing really well at keeping his cool. She's practically asking for trouble and she's making me want to give to her.

Seeing she couldn't get a rise out of either of us, she marched up to Nathan and got in his space.

"Oh boo hoo! Poor little rich kid trying to play hero." Her aggressive approach to Nathan made me roughly shove her back. She's really touching a nerve with me and I don't even know what went down between her and Nathan. I shouldn't be getting this upset over high school drama. Fuck these teenage hormones.

"Step off blue." She slapped my hands off her.

"Hey! Stay out of this. This is between me and this asshole."

"Hard to stay out of it when you keep insulting me." A cat fight would have started but she shoved me back away from her with enough force to knock me to the ground. This girl had serious balls. My glasses went tumbling to the ground.

"I know you've been pumpin' drugs n'shit to kids around here!" She ganged up on Nathan again, preventing him from helping me up. "I bet your respectable family would help me out if I went to them." Her voice got more spiteful as she kept talking. "Man, I see the headlines now…" She paused to let that threat sink in.

"Leave them out of this, bitch!" He shouted at her, but that only seemed to egg her on more.

"I can tell everybody Nathan Prescott is a punk ass who begs like a little girl and talks to himself." This time she shoved Nathan back to prove her point. This girl just fucked herself over. There's no way Nathan's going to let that slide.

I saw the change in Nathan's posture. His body was convulsing again. He violently reached into his jacket. Oh shit. He's going straight for the gun. Why couldn't he just hit her or something. She had a slap coming, but not a gunshot wound.

I stood up trying to stop Nathan from pulling the gun out, but he just pushed me away. What is with the shoving?

"You don't know who the fuck I am or who you're messing around with!" Nathan whipped the gun out. The girl completely dropped her tough girl act. She fearfully backs up into the wall as Nathan forces her back with the barrel of the gun aimed at her skull insignia.

How poetic. She's wearing a symbol for death and here she is on the brink of death's door.

I can't let something like this happen. It'll fuck everything up.

"Where'd you get that? What are you doing?" She was squirming against Nathan's dangerous hold on her. "Come on, put that thing down. Hey! Help me out here!" She sent a pleading look through her crystal eyes to me. It' funny how easily people can be broken when you put them in a desperate situation.

"Nathan, please stop. Shooting her is not going to fix whatever happened between you two." I slowly edged back towards him. I kept my hands out, ready to reach for his arm. If I can pull his arm away and his muscles happen to twitch the shot will miss or maybe just scrap her.

I promised dad I wouldn't cause anymore trouble for him. If Nathan shoots her we're going to be in deep shit with the wrong people.

"Don't EVER tell me what to do. I am so SICK of people trying to control me!" I don't know who that shout was directed at, but Nathan only pressed the gun harder against her stomach.

"Nathan please, please listen to me…" That dumbass punk cut me off.

"You are going to get in hella trouble for this than drugs!" She went back to the tough act.

What's wrong with this crazy bitch! Can't she see I'm trying to calm him down. Antagonizing him isn't going to make him lower the gun. So why is she undermining my efforts. Does she want to fucking die?

"Nobody would miss your 'punk ass', would they?" She flinched form the accusation. Was that self-loathing I saw. It didn't last for long. Fed up with her helplessness, she shoved him. Again with the fucking shoving.

"Get that gun away from me, psycho!" Her final cry made me race towards Nathan. Why did she do that!

It all happened too fast for me. Just like I feared Nathan's hand twitched. The loud bang of the gun echoed endlessly in my ear. The girl fell to the ground. I swear I felt the whole ground shake.

Oh god, she's bleeding out. My legs wouldn't move.

"No, please…god, no…Ris, help me!" Nathan fell down and hopelessly shook her body. She didn't respond. Her glazed eyes are vindictively staring at me. How could I let this happen.

"Ris!" I came out of my stupor. Nathan is crying. He needs my help.

I kneeled next to him and tried using my hands to put pressure on the wound. Maybe I could still fix this. I just needed to stop the bleeding.

"There's so much blood." My choked sob made me want to vomit. She's still lifelessly staring at me. Nathan started having a hysterical break down.

"I-I didn't mean to Ris…You just kept pushing me. Everybody is always pushing me." He's quivering from the force of his tears.

I keep trying to stop the blood flow. Fuck it's so warm and gushy. I feel the bile creeping up my throat. I want to close her eyes.

"N-Nathan calm down. I-I can fix this…I'll get Daddy." I gave up trying to stop the bleeding. It just keeps coming out. She's dead. She's fucking dead.

I tried to comfort Nathan instead. He jumped away from me. I followed his gaze to my bloody hands. The sight made me dry heave and Nathan let out another string of salty tears. I savagely tried rubbing it on my dress. I felt as unclean as the white fabric.

"Sorry…" I don't know who he's apologizing to at this point. "I'm so, so sorry…" Nathan completely curled up into himself. "My life is hell. And I'm so busted." I couldn't find the words to console him. I can't fix this.

Fuck, fuck, fuck,fuck, fuckkkkkkkk. This is the worst fucking day ever. We're so fuckedddddd

Dad is going to kill us.


	3. Indigo Puff

_"Indigo puff, take me where the sun shines from my mind"_

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_ReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverse._

The sensation of being pulled overwhelmed me. I could hear things around me, but I couldn't make out any of the sounds. My body feels like it's on autopilot. I feel sick.

I jerked back into focus from the nudge to my arm. My eyes opened to see that I'm back in Ms. Grant's classroom. She's lecturing and Warren just passed me a sheet of paper.

What the fuck. This shit already happened. Why am I…Oh shit! Someone's fucking with time….Okay, calm down. If this is really happening I need to play this out exactly how it went before. Play it cool.

Warren and I passed notes again. Ms. Grant lectured about keeping the environment clean. This oppressive sense of deja vu is really making me uncomfortable. I can feel my lungs getting agitated from my mini panic attack.

The bell rang faster than I remember it did. I need to leave. I quickly told Warren I wasn't feeling well and needed to go to the bathroom. I assured him I didn't need his help. I don't have time to chat with Warren. If I hurry I can intercept Nathan and keep him from making the same mistake. I have to look out for him.

My rapid movements made my head spin. No. No. No. Please not now. Against my will I collapsed into the desk next to me.

The world is spinning. A strong pressure builds up in my chest and continues upward. I try to stand back up but the effort just makes me fall to the floor.

My lungs are on FIRE!

The coughs won't stop. I can vaguely hear Warren screaming my name. I try to ignore the pain. I just need to reach my bag. Reach. Reach…I can't lift my hand. I need my inhaler! Warren doesn't know what to do, he's never seen something like this happen to me before. He picks my bag up and dumps it out.

No, Warren it's in the zipper part. Ms. Grant runs out the room while Warren desperately keeps looking through my stuff for my medicine. It's in the zipper part.

It HURTS! Fuck it hurts so much. The inhaler is right next to me and I can't do anything.

Nathan. Nathan is going to make it to the bathroom and I won't be there. Fucking stop coughing Clarissa! I need to help…

The hacks tore through my body. My heart is constricting. It's no use. The world started getting blacker. Warren's panicked face was joined by curious classmates. The assholes were snapping pics and recording me instead of trying to help me. This must be divine karma for me to die like this. Everyone's faces are getting fuzzy. I can see black dots entering my vision. This is such a painful way to die. I deserve this. People like me deserve death.

At least there is this strong scent of cologne filling my nose. It smells good.

"Clarissa…Sweetheart, it's going to be okay." Oh, the grim reaper sounds like my dad. I'm not ready to die yet. Dad…

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"Mr. Jefferson this is the third time she's had a severe asthma attack like this…I really need to insist you take her to the hospital for a check-up." I know this voice. She's the school nurse. How did I end up in the nurse's office?

"I would, but Clarissa is adamant on not setting foot in any kind of medical facility…I don't have the heart to push her. She swears it's just stress that's causing these attacks." Dad's here too. Something bad must have triggered my panic attack.

"I know why Clarissa hates hospitals…But her health is more important than her phobia. You have the most influence on your daughter, try to convince her to go." I'm such an awful child. I promised dad I wouldn't cause trouble. I hope he isn't mad.

"I'll take your advice to heart, Ms. Barenchi. Thanks again for staying and looking at Clarissa." His voice doesn't sound upset. He actually sounds tired.

"Not a problem. No fire alarm is going to keep me from doing my job. I'll just leave you two alone now."

I heard a door open and close. The clicks of dad's shoe got louder as he neared me. Something scraped against the floor and made a loud screech. He must have gotten a chair. A slight weight settled on my forehead. I could feel my hair being pushed out of my face. This reminds me of when I was younger and dad would come sit next to me. He'd watch me sleep and comb through my hair. No matter how deeply I was asleep I'd always wake up soon after. My glasses are gone.

"Clarissa you can stop pretending to be asleep." He continued stroking my hair.

My eyes fluttered open. The day's events suddenly came back to me.

I've relived this morning twice. I saw Nathan shoot someone. My hands were covered in someone else's blood. I didn't know what to do. Nathan was crying. He was crying and I couldn't help him.

"Clarissa calm down! You're going to have another attack if you keep working yourself up." Dad's hand slid from my hair to my cheek. I locked gazes with him. Where are my glasses?

My lungs are burning again. Wasn't once enough for today.

"You teenagers never listen. Here, your inhaler you stubborn mule." I kept my attention on his sardonic smile. He'd dealt with this too many times to overreact anymore. Dad put the inhaler in my mouth. I bit down as the spray filled my lungs. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Nathan…" The name came out as a croak from me. I need some water. Dad's serenity switched to plain irritation as he handed me a bottle of water from the table. I gulped down the entire thing in a matter of seconds. Screw this weak piece of shit body.

"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan. If I didn't know any better I'd get envious over the fact your last and first breathes were spent calling for him instead your dear old dad." His mocking smile got even bigger. He knew no boy would take his place in my eyes.

Some color made its way to my cheeks. Dad never hid his obvious dislike of Nathan from me. Instead of protesting against my involvement with him he chose to poke fun at me to display his displeasure. It's sad. He used to have a soft spot for Nathan.

"Daddy…Something unexpected happened today. Could you tell me what went on at school after I blacked out?" I need to get this over with now before I chicken out. I need to keep our best interests in mind. We are all the other has. That's always been our lives.

I have to tell him about Nathan.

Sensing my change in mood, dad bent forward so he could hold my hand. He's readying himself for another one my episodes. It's just like how I deal with Nathan. How fucked up am I that I'm so much like my father.

"Well it was complete madness because the fire alarm went off after you had your attack. Ms. Grant came and got me. Then I rushed you over to the nurse's office. Let me tell you it was a real hurdle carrying you against a swarm of students rushing to get outside...These attacks are frequently occurring despite your new medication." Dad held my hand tighter as his voice lowered to a whisper.

"Clarissa…Who, or what triggered your asthma." Such a simple question. I have a partial answer. Yet, my mouth has gone dry. The words don't want to come out. I don't want to get Nathan in trouble. He already has it so bad and no one looks out for him. I'm his girlfriend I'm not supposed to screw him over but if it's between him and my dad, the choice is clear.

Deep breathes, Clarissa. Deep breathes.

"I saw Nathan shoot a girl in the bathroom. H-He was pushed, it was an accident. I tried to stop it…" I stopped myself before I could start rambling. "But I don't know what he's done now. I blacked out before I made it to the bathroom." The culminating fury in dad's eyes dismayed me. No matter how mad he gets, he wouldn't hurt Nathan, right? He cares about Nathan despite them being on the rocks at the moment. He wouldn't hurt someone important to me would he? I feel shame creeping its way into my system.

"No such thing happened today. I would have been called in for an emergency meeting and Madsen would be having a field day." Dad stood up and turned away from me. From the quick clicking sounds coming from him, I can assume he's texting. "It looks like we have another anomaly on our hands. This is too soon. We didn't expect this...I'll have to be careful." He started mumbling to himself as he continued texting.

"Daddy, someone rewound time. I felt it. I experienced the morning class over twice. I don't know who caused it though…" I fiddled with the ends of my dress. My dress is still pristine white, there's no splashes of blood on it. "The only people in the bathroom were me, Nathan, and the girl he was meeting." That disgusting feeling of guilt re-emerged as I continued talking about Nathan. Stop bothering me you stupid conscience. I'll redirect his attention to the new human time machine so he won't go hunting my boyfriend. Happy now conscience?

"Well we can rule Nathan and you out for obvious reasons…That just leaves the girl, but a corpse can't turn back time. Do you at least know who she is?" He glanced back at me.

"I don't know her. I've never seen her at this school. She's got blue hair and dresses like a punk hipster. She tried to blackmail Nathan into giving her money." Seeing as the shooting didn't take place I'll need to find her and keep her off Nathan. A junkie like her isn't going to give up on getting rich quick.

"I'll leave dealing with Nathan to you. I'm in no mood to babysit him." He put the phone back in his pocket. "Come on, I need to go finish grading some more papers If I want to keep my job…We'll continue this discussion later."

"Of course Daddy." I dutifully followed him out. "There's no greater evil than crappy reports written by inexperienced photographers."

"You have no idea how shitty some of these papers are. I'd rather claw my eyes out than keep dealing with some of these students that clearly don't belong in my classes."

"That's some serious salt for someone who teaches for a living. Especially since you need your eyes for your job."

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" _Hey time bomb where are you?! We gotta talk ASAP!"_ I shot Nathan a text since he's not answering his phone. I've got no idea where he is and no one's seen the angry brunette. I continued on my way to the dorms. I said hi to few people. Hayden was chilling out with his harem. Evan was working on his portfolio. I even stopped to thank Ms. Grant getting my father for me. I agreed to sign her petition against additional surveillance too. More cameras would make my job harder so I had no problem signing it.

I tired calling his phone again. It went to voicemail. I almost don't want him to answer. He's not guilty of doing anything. Time was reversed so he never killed anybody. Nevertheless I still feel horrible for snitching on him. Snitches get stitches as he says.

"I want to be honest with him, even if it means he'll hate me." Unconsciously I had pulled up a photo of Nathan. He's winking at me in the shot. We had gone to the beach and ended up drinking a whole pack of beer. I dared him to go skinny dipping. He ended up doing it and dragged me in with him. Man that was some fun shit.

"Are you talking about Nathan?" The unexpected voice made me jump.

"What the fuck, Max!" The exclamation caused said girl to flinch. If the nosy little doe doesn't like my language she shouldn't walk up on me like that.

"My bad, I didn't mean to freak you out. Just wanted to check if you're okay. You looked stressed." She lowered her gaze and fidgeted.

Geez, I hate dealing with her almost as much as Victoria. Both have confidence issues. Except this one has no self-assurance and likes to blend into the wall. She's got some things going for her. She's cute and a geek. She's got some skills with photography. All in all, she's a plain-jane. I don't think she's anything special, but dad's fixated on her for some reason. For that reason alone I detest her.

"Max, it's okay. You don't deserve to be cussed at. I'm just caught up worrying about Nathan. Having a boyfriend can be both a blessing and a curse." I smiled and patted her shoulder to make her feel better. Kindness always reassures people. Even if it's fake.

"I bet. Nathan Prescott can be a jerk. I don't know how you two ended up dating." Max looked off in the distance. Her eyes glazed over. "You're like a great person and he's dickbagtheasshole."

Now this is something. Maxine shows her claws. She has never blatantly insulted Nathan to my face. She's always tip toed around the subject. If her insult wasn't aimed at him I'd laugh for creativity. What prompted this change. I'm almost turned on.

"You're not the first to say this." I shrugged to cover up how irritated I am to hear her shit talk him. "I swear, everyone has a bad opinion of him. If you all would look past his front you'd see how harmless and beautiful he is. 'Dickbagtheasshole' has a heart of gold. If you're willing to look for it."

"I really wish I hadn't said that. I totally don't know what came over me. I'm sorry Clarissa. I'm having a shit day so far."

"Max chill. I don't expect you to like Nathan just cause we're friends. I don't like Victoria and she's his best bud…" There goes my petty green monster. "Just try to lay off on the insults."

"It won't happen again. I'll see you later Clarissa, I've got to get this flash drive for Warren."

"Off you go then. Don't keep your prince charming waiting." We waved bye to each other and went our separate ways.

There are two people I still need to chat with. Kate and Dana. Both of them have major drama going on in their lives and asked to talk to me. Kate has that viral video of her whoring herself out to worry about. I'm surprised she's opening up to me first seeing as she and Max are closer. I guess I'm her only option since I was at the party with her. She's more than likely too embarrassed to talk to Max about it. Dana on the other hand has a teenage pregnancy scandal to keep under wraps. Her plan of secrecy isn't going to last when she has a reporter for a friend and a pig for an ex. I had offered to go to the doctor with her, but Dana decided to go alone. So many people to deal with in a day. I'll handle the damage control while I wait for Nathan to respond. There's no point in me running around looking for him if he doesn't want to be found.

As I entered the girl's dorms I found Kate sitting on a bench. The leaves are falling around her. Her somber attire and posture make her look defeated. If this were one of those cartoons she draws, she'd have a cloud of rain pouring down on her.

_Always take the shot._

As if I'm in a trance I reach into my bag. With my camera in hand I snap a shot of Kate's back. Later I'd look over it and make some adjustments to the lighting. I felt compelled to capture her moment of weakness. I already missed a shot with Nathan. The flash of my camera caught Kate's attention.

"Clarissa, did you take a picture of me?" Kate's depressed hazel eyes met mine. She looks beautiful even when she's feeling horrible.

"Duh! I had to get your breathtaking magnificence on camera." I secured the camera back into its hiding place so Kate wouldn't feel uncomfortable. As I sat down beside her, Kate sent me a weak smile. It looked more like a grimace to me. Even smiling is difficult for her now.

"I'm not worth capturing. Don't waste the space."

Wow. She's really fucking depressed. Time for some shit-eating therapy sprinkled with poison. She's spiraling out of control and I have to push her over the edge.

"Kate, I know you feel like it's the end of the world because of the mishap at the party, but that nonsense will die down before you know it. You just had a little fun, like a normal girl. Nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure you're not going to hell for kissing some guys. And nobody's going to even remember it was you pretty soon. After all teenage drama comes and goes. You just gotta be strong. Don't let some stupid bullying get to you. You're better than that, aren't you?" Kate bristled at the mention of the taboo subject. If she's going to get offended for me bringing it up the why did she want to talk about it in the first place.

"You have no idea what I'm going through. What everybody is saying about me. You can say all that because you didn't look out for me like you said you would. If you had been a real friend you would have stopped Nathan Prescott from spiking my drink or Victoria from taking that video. I should have never let you convince me to go. You're like the snake of Eden." Kate's eyes watered but she refused to cry.

Damn, she just compared me to the snake that tempts Eve. That's pretty harsh coming from a steadfast Christian like her. Sadly, that description fits more than she thinks.

"Hey now, you need to take it down a notch. I didn't mean for any of that to go down. I'm your friend I just wanted you to have a good time. But I'm really not appreciating the accusations you're making about Nathan. It's a Vortex Party for crying out loud, there's bound to be a bunch of drugs and alcohol going around. So don't blame Nathan for drugging you if you don't have proof. It could have been anybody. Nathan was being friendly to you for my sake when he brought you those drinks. As for Victoria, I'm not going to defend her. What she did was vile. So you need to get a backbone and take that up with her." I'm such a fucking liar and a detestable person. Amazingly no one had noticed our little spat or maybe they didn't care enough to notice.

Kate Marsh is a great person. She's sweet and smart. She is the definition of what a true Blackwell student is supposed to be. I actually didn't mind becoming friends with her. We bonded over our shared love of the violin. We would spend hours after school listening to Mozart or playing duets. I even recommended her to dad to be his class assistant when I found out she was taking his class. I didn't realize I'd sealed her fate by doing that. The one girl I didn't want involved in all this.

Kate Marsh, I'm so sorry….

"How dare you. I can't believe you're saying this to me. You're the worst friend ever! You're as evil as everyone else in that wretched club. I bet you were in on his plan too and that's why you're defending him. I'm such a fool for trusting you." Kate's eyes got puffier but she furiously rubbed at her eyes to make the tears go away.

I have to play my part…There's too much at stake.

"I came over here to try to cheer you up at your request Kate, but forget this. I don't need to deal with you blaming me for your problems. You can try your martyr act on someone else." I took in Kate's miserable face and wished I'd never gotten involved with her. This is another example of why I shouldn't get attached to the "prospective girls". It makes my job problematic. Emotions suck.

I left Kate to her misery.

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I whipped out my phone. Please pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

"Nathan why won't you answer your fucking phone?!" After hearing his voicemail, I lost it for a moment. My foot impacted with the wall. A back scuff mark adorned the wall.

" _Nathan I need to get to away. Life is getting too complicated. :( Please answer me."_ I sent another text and put the phone away. If I break my phone I won't be getting another.

I feel so exhausted already. I had only been talking to Kate for a few minutes. It feels like hours went by. I need someone. I need someone to make these feelings go away. Nathan won't answer me.

"Dana! Dana babe, can I come in?" My feet took me to my best friend's room. Our friendship is actually legit compared to my other false friendships.

I didn't have to wait long for Dana's auburn head to pop out of her room. She's gorgeous as expected for a cheerleader.

"My long lost ginger twin finally shows her face." Dana's bright smile lifts my spirit a bit.

People liked to make ginger jokes at the two of us since we have red hair. We both learned to take it in stride. Better to be a red head with no soul than a dumb blonde.

She let me in and we both lounge on her bed.

"So are you okay Clarissa? I heard you had an asthma attack and were rushed to the nurses office." Dana poked at my cheek.

"Yeah I'm fine no thanks to the asswipes who stood by and recorded me instead of helping. Glad to see I'm the daily entertainment." I swatted her hand away.

"That's messed up. Blackwell is really going downhill lately. I'm losing faith in the students. First they made that gross video of Kate and now they record you almost dying." Dana sadly shook her head in disbelief.

"It doesn't matter." I have no desire to talk about Kate. I tenderly poked at her stomach. "How did your appointment go?"

Dana cradled one of her pillows to her stomach. When Dana first told me she was pregnant I had been shocked. I knew she was messing around with Logan and that he was pressuring her for more, but I never imagined they would have sex. Even though Dana is stereotyped as the typical popular cheerleader, behind closed doors she's a conservative girl. She must have really wanted to make Logan happy. Too bad the bastard ditched her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. Dana told me he had come around and agreed to help her financially but that was it. That doesn't change the fact that Dana's been stressed and hurt from his actions.

"I..I took care of it." Dana hid her head behind the pillow. "It was a mistake Clarissa. I'm only 18. I can't be a mom…But I still feel like garbage. Did I do the right thing?" I could feel my fingers itching to take her picture.

_Always take the shot._

I resisted. It wouldn't be appropriate. Instead I pulled her hairband out and combed through her hair. Whenever I had problems and needed someone to talk to, Dana would be there to listen and comfort me. I never had a mom to run to when I needed to cry. So I don't really know what to say or do for her. I can only console her the way I've been consoled.

"You did what you had to do Dana. Only you know what's best for you. There's no point in second guessing yourself." Dana shifted so she could lay in my lap. I continued combing through her hair. I wonder whose hair looks more red in the sun, mine or hers.

"If it's any consolation, I think you'd have been an awesome mom. And your kid would've had to deal with the repercussions of having a hot mama." Dana laughed at my absurd comment. Laughter heals all.

"God you're the best Clarissa. You would have been a great godmother too. Promise me I get to be your first kid's godmother." Dana sat up to hold her pinky out to me. Really, are we five or something.

At least I managed to cheer someone up. I did a bang-up job with Kate. Exactly like I was told to.

"I pinky promise, babe." I linked our pinkies. "You're getting way ahead of yourself though. I don't see something like that happening anytime soon."

"Are you kidding me? You and Nathan are always all over each other. And the sexual tension between you two is suffocating. I'm sure that beast would love to be your baby daddy." Dana snorted at me. She sounded like a pig for a minute with that snort. "I'm sure all that anger comes in handy when you're all alone in his room late at night."

"Dana you perv! Why are thinking about me and Nathan like that. I'm not sure Trevor would like it if he found out his girl was scamming on another couple."

"Shut up! Don't try to change the subject. We haven't had a real girl talk about boys in a century."

Our girl time was sadly interrupted by the furious rapping on Dana's door.

"Dana open this door right now! I need to talk to you like right this instant!" That urgent voice sounds like our resident reporter.

Dana sighed and trudged over to the door. Unfortunately, being the nurturing type means that Dana has to lend her ears to everyone who comes knocking. Being nice has its fallbacks. Time to jet. Knowing this going to be a private conversation I get up to leave. Dana and I are going to be having a sleepover tonight so I'll be back. No need to monopolize her.

As soon as Dana opened the door Juliet barged right in.

"Why the fuck are you sexting my boyfriend?! Logan isn't enough for you?" Juliet is not playing around. Her eyebrows are so scrunched up it looks like she's got a unibrow.

"Woah! That's really uncalled for Juliet. Dana wouldn't do something trashy like that." Here I was back to being in a good mood because of Dana and now this.

"Exactly! Are you crazy?! I'd never in a million years betray you like that Juliet." Dana tried to reach for Juliet but she rejected her approach.

"Don't try to gang up on me and fucking lie! Victoria told me all about you and Zach hooking up behind my back. You'll do anything to get with a quaterback, huh. You're such a whore Dana. Aren't you like pregnant anyway?" Juliet's rage was making her go off the deep end. "You can go pawn your mistake on somebody else's boyfriend, bitch!"

I can't believe she's going this crazy over a dick like Zachary.

"Juliet you need to take a chill pill or come off whatever you're smoking because nothing you're saying makes any sense and you're going to regret coming in here if you keep trashing Dana. Victoria is a well known liar and hates Dana for being prettier than her so you should be bitching out on her." Dana is close to tears right now for Juliet's verbal abuse over a tender subject. What the hell is with people today. Is there bad juju in the air or something? I know I'm a natural bitch but it's crazy seeing other people act out.

"Know what, fuck you two. You bitches can stay in here till you fess up and apologize to me." Juliet stormed out the room. Dana didn't bother responding. She's too hurt from how insensitive Juliet was to her.

The tinkering sound coming from the door made us both rush over to it.

"You can't get out now Dana. So tell me the truth or rot in there." She wouldn't dare.

"It's stuck!" Dana tried moving the doorknob but it wouldn't budge. Apparently she would.

"Juliet what're you doing?! You can't lock us in here." I banged on the door. Juliet ignored our pleas and told us to fess up if we wanted out.

This has been a hella of a day so far.

Dana and Juliet continued to go back and forth. The argument was put on hold when I heard Max's voice on the other side. She needed to come in to get Warren's flash drive.

"Max please! You've got to believe me. I didn't do it. Check Victoria's room. I'm sure there's evidence that she's lying in there." The one time I'm glad Max's nosy side comes to the rescue.

"Max find Victoria's phone. She and Zach used to date. This is probably her scheme to get revenge." Dana and I had to wait for Max to come back. I tried to cheer Dana up in the mean time, but she wasn't in the mood for anymore talking.

Max the Hero returned with a printout of Victoria's text messages to prove Dana's innocence. Vicbitch is in for mouthful when Juliet comes after her. I hope Juliet gets even more wild with her.

Juliet dished out a full blown apology to Dana for her terrible meltdown. Dana accepted her apology on the condition Juliet did her laundry for a full week. Juliet eagerly agreed to do it for a whole month to get back in Dana's good grace. Juliet even apologized to me and asked how she could make it up to me too. I let her off with an IOU for a dinner date between the three of us. Juliet happily agreed to it and promised she'd plan a whole girl's night out for us. It's been awhile since the three of us hung out. I missed having girl time.

Juliet left to go set things right with her boyfriend and frenemy. Hopefully she breaks up with that meathead.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. My face lights up when I see the caller id.

" _Come 2 the parkin lot."_ Finally the scum responds to me. I've been wanting to talk to him for hours.

"Dana I'll be back tonight for our slumber party. Don't forget the soda and chips."

"You must have gotten a text from your man candy from your excited grin." I hugged Dana.

"You hit the nail on the head babe." She hugged me back and shooed me off so she could talk to Max. Max sure is talkative today. Has she realized being a loner doesn't work out like an anime.

" _Be there in five. Sit tight. I have so much to tell you."_


	4. Where Do We Go From Here

_"Like waking up from a fantasy and all that's left is you and me,"_

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The parking lot was mostly empty. I saw Warren messing with a car. That must be his new ride. Not the best looking car, but it's his first, it's supposed to be a piece of junk. I still think it's cool he gets a car at all. Dad won't let me buy a car at all. At least he lets me take his car if I really need to. I need to go thank Warren for helping me out earlier too.

I saw him pull his phone out. His smile stretched from ear to ear.

I'll wait. I think he's talking to Max. I know he's expecting her to meet him. I'll just look for Nathan.

"That's incredibly lazy." What is with this awful parking job. This gaudy truck is splayed across the two handicap spots. This person must not give a damn about parking tickets or possibly getting their car towed. Even Nathan doesn't do arrogant shit like that and his family owns this school. He could park on the grass and no one would say anything to him.

"Clarissa!" Nathan called for me from his slumped position on his car. He shoved an orange bottle into his pocket as I got closer. I hope he didn't take those. Medication is not the answer to his problems. Though his father thinks otherwise. He signs off for his son to have shelves of medication so he doesn't have to deal with parenting his child.

"Took you long enough." I lunged for him. "Dang. Can't keep your hands off me, can you?" Nathan adjusted my cuddly hold on him so I wasn't choking him. I pulled him closer. I feel so giddy seeing him. Why does he make my emotions go up and down like roller coaster rides.

"It's been an insane day. I need you to distract me." I looked into his turbulent blue. "Nathan let's get the fuck out of here."

I want to mellow out with him for a bit. He's the only person who makes me feel euphoric. One moment I can be pissed at him another I can be dying to be with him. I can't control myself when it comes to Nathan. I blame the hormones for this insanity.

This is the most stressed I've felt since Rachel. If it weren't so early I'd suggest we go to his dorm. Since the fire alarm mandated everyone leave the school, too many of the students are out and about. People might see me go in his room. Then they'd interrupt us. Then the rumors would start spreading. I don't need superficial teenagers screwing up the stellar reputation I've built up. Nathan could afford to laugh off or punch off any rumors, but I'd have to deal with the third-degree burn from dad. He surely wouldn't like hearing cackling school girls whispering about how much of a slut his daughter is.

"And do what Clarissa?" Nathan smirked at my obvious distress. "It's too early to get fucked up." He snorted at his own bullshit comment.

"Yeah right. You're fucked up 24/7 anyway Prescott." Nathan lazily draped his arms over my shoulder. He's very amiable right now. Either his medication is affecting him or he's just as happy around me. I'm going to pretend it's the second one. Boyfriends are required to be happy whenever their girlfriends are around.

"Whatthefuckever, bitch." There's that word once more. Didn't I tell him to stop calling me that. I pressed my lips to his shoulder. He breathed deeply out his nose from the feather soft touch.

"Agh! Have you gone batshit crazy?!" Nathan recoiled from my mouth. I kept my arms tightly around him. He won't escape from my revenge. I'm going to get him to stop calling me bitch if it's the last thing I do.

"Your neck looks fabulous now, darling." I left a nice purple love bite on his shoulder. It's low enough that he can cover it. I'm really turned on by that mark. "How about I give you one for every time you've called me a bitch, baby?" I sent him a sultry smile before I went back to his shoulder.

"Fucking stop it!" His words are conflicting with his shivering body.

Nathan fought with me to stop my assault on his blazer. His fingers tangled with mine to stop them from unbuttoning his clothes. Nathan's face is alternating between looking threatening and looking aroused from the multiple kisses and love bites I'm leaving on his revealed skin. His pained groan urged me on. His skin is so pale the purple looks painfully bright.

"F-Fuck Clarissa." Fed up with the rough affection Nathan yanked my chin upward. He only gave me a moment before he smashed his mouth on mine.

Oh Nathan.

His hands travel eagerly over my body. Our lips ravaged the other. Anyone could see us and here we are heavily making out in the parking lot. I tried to pull back, but Nathan wouldn't have it. His hand forcefully brought my lips back to his. I could taste my cherry flavored chapstick on his lips. My hands journeyed under Nathan's black shirt. He's making me feel like I'm on fire. His flat stomach trembled from my colder palms. I haven't touched him intimately in so long. A soft moan escaped from me after Nathan's hand ghosted over my chest. I feel so good. His heart is madly throbbing under my hand. I'm sure mine is going just as fast. His tongue darted out to lick my lips. Nathan. Nathan. Nathan. I want you...

"Here's your flash drive." The sound of talking slowed down Nathan's kisses.

Nathan abruptly removed his lips from mine as he came out of the fog of passion.

"The fuck's wrong?" My puffs of desire were ignored by him. He untangled himself from our meshing limbs and fixed his clothes. My body's aching for more. I want him to come back. Why do we keep getting cut off.

"It's that fucking rat!" Nathan looked over the back of his truck to spy on someone. He angrily rubbed at his lips to remove the smears of chapstick.

My desire is put on hold for the second time. I leaned beside Nathan to see who upset him. He sounds as murderous as he did in the bathroom.

"It's just Max and Warren. What's your problem with them?" Across from us, the two geeks were having a friendly discussion about films. Warren even asked Max out on a date to the drive. That boy doesn't listen. Nothing suspicious or abnormal. Warren and Max never bother Nathan. They're from two different groups so at no time do they interact with other. I'm the one who is the intermediary between the vortex members and the socially inept. I know Nathan gets a little put off that I hang out with Warren, but it can't be to the point that he's burning mad at the moment.

"Max eavesdropped on something she shouldn't have and then ratted about my gun to that useless, shit Principal." Nathan is practically foaming at the mouth.

"W-What?! Max was in the bathroom? How do you know that for sure?" I'm stunned from this bombshell. It couldn't be Max. She is a total ditz and the most unremarkable person to go to this school. That dumb bitch is barely holding on to her scholarship with her trash GPA of 2.8. She barely puts any work in towards her academics except in her photography classes.

"I found a crappy selfie of her on the floor of the bathroom." Nathan shot me a confused look. He doesn't understand why I'm getting anxious. He has no memories of the alternate morning.

"I don't know why the hell you're freaking out, but I need to put that nosy, big mouth bitch in her place." Nathan started walking off towards Max.

"Have you ever had a dream so real, it's like a movie?" Hearing Max's voice snapped me out of my funk. I need to confirm if she's the cause of the rewind.

"Nathan wait!" I tried to keep him from approaching Max. I don't know what transpired in the bathroom this time around. Max could have heard something even more incriminating than what I remember. We don't need her snooping or asking questions. I need to find out the facts first.

"Back the fuck off Ris!" Nathan tugged his arm out of my grasp. "Max Caulfield, right?" He stalked right up to her.

Max nervously looked between Warren and Nathan. I know she doesn't expect a kitten like Warren to stand up to Nathan. Sweet boys don't get into fist fights and Warren is the model example of sweet.

"You're one of the Jefferson photo groupies…" Nathan shoved Warren back away from Max. Here we go with the nonstop shoving. At least Nathan is keeping Warren out of this. I don't care if he messes Max up, but Warren hasn't done anything and I owe him for not standing around while I was dying.

"I'm one of his students." Max defiantly held her ground while Nathan looked down on her.

"Nathan, come on. Don't bother with her." Warren and I had both been pushed off to the sidelines like cheerleaders. I at least need to act like I'm concerned for Max.

"Whatthefuckever." His uncivil curse is directed at both Max and I. He's blatantly going to ignore me. This is turning into a replay of the morning.

"I know you like to take pictures, especially when you're hiding out in the bathrooms." Max looked to me for help. I sent her a helpless look. I'm not known in school for being aggressive so I'm not going to ruin that misconception for Max. She can weather the Prescott storm on her own.

Let's see if she really can rewind time.

"You best tell me what you told the Principal. Now!" Max tried looking to Warren for help again. This would be the perfect chance for Warren to win Max over. Seeing him stick up for her would certainly make her reevaluate her opinion of him as a friend. All girls like seeing a guy fight for her, even if she doesn't necessarily like the guy.

"Answer me, bitch!" Warren sadly looked down at his feet. He isn't going to be any help to her. This is why he's going to remain in the friend zone.

"I told him the truth. A student had a gun." Seeing she wouldn't be getting any help Max tried to play the tough act. Belligerence from Maxine is uncharacteristic. She must be confident Nathan won't hurt her.

"No, you told him I had a gun. That's why he dragged me into his office." Nathan's keeping his cool for the most part. Should I be proud or irritated that he's doing well against Max's new backbone. He would only do this when I don't want him to. I shuffled impatiently in my spot.

"And did what? Give you a stern lecture?" Max's continued display of boldness is actually impressing me.

"Nobody, nobody lectures me. Everybody tries though…They try…" I hope he's not including me in that category. I just try to help him, not order him around. I know how much he hates feeling like he's not in control of his life.

"You should talk to somebody, Nathan…" Max was bothered by his angry ranting. Don't try to play sympathetic now Maxine. I've been telling you and everybody in this entire school Nathan is just misunderstood. Those who turned their backs on him have no right to judge.

I see his hand twitching. Here comes the rage.

"Do not analyze me! I pay people for that. Worry about yourself, Max Caulfield." She backed up from his turn in temper. She bumped into Warren's car. Let's go Nathan. Do something drastic. I need to know if Max is the one.

"I could call the police." Her meek voice showed how little faith she had in that idea working.

"Do it. The Prescotts own the pigs here." He cruelly sneered at her threat.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Warren moving. He wouldn't be so stupid would he? He had his chance to intervene.

"Get away from her dude!" Warren indeed tried to be a hero and step in front of his crush. His heroic deed was rewarded with a hard head-butt from Nathan. Warren went tumbling down like a bowling pin.

"No,no,no! Please don't hurt Warren." The same time I spoke Max shouted at Nathan to leave him alone. Unlike me, Max attempted to tackle Nathan. Her plan backfired. He whipped back around to subdue her. I bent down to help Warren and keep him from attacking Nathan again.

"Nobody tells me what to do." Nathan had Max by the throat and was driving her back. "Not my parents, not the Principal, or that whore in the bathroom." Each exclamation was followed by a harsh jostle from Nathan.

There you go baby. Force her hand.

"Stop that! Right now!" Max struggled to get Nathan off. A weak thing like her wouldn't accomplish that.

The loud screech of tires distracted Nathan enough to loosen his grip. Max took advantage of the distraction and clawed at his face. Appalled, Nathan forced her away.

"Nathan!" I ran up to him completely forgetting about helping Warren. I checked his injury. Three shallow cuts that will heal fine. How dare she mark his face though! My beautiful Nathan Prescott. That savage little animal.

A beat up truck halted behind Max. It's the same one I saw recklessly parked. She stood up using the truck as an anchor.

"Max?!"

"Chloe?!" Both voices called out to the other in wonder.

"It's that blue girl." A feeling of absolute dread washed over me. My instinct is telling me she is bad news. I don't want her near me or Nathan.

"No way. You again?" Nathan is just as anxious as me about her. He let go of me and crept towards the car. He was stopped from his pursuit by Warren.

"Warren!" Max and I called out to him in sync. I don't like that we're on the same wavelength like this. Max is worried for Warren. I'm worried for Nathan.

Warren had tackled Nathan to the ground and was trying to hold him down. Nathan, being the more athletic of the two quickly tossed the knight in shinning armor on his back.

"Go I got this!" Yet again Warren's misplaced chivalry was rewarded with violence. Warren laid motionless while Nathan pounded him into submission. He's going to get that black eye we joked about earlier.

"Stop it! Please stop Nathan! Don't hit Warren." Since I was busy exerting myself to get Nathan off Warren, I didn't try to stop Max from getting in the truck. I'm tugging on his jacket, but Nathan won't budge and I have to avoid his wild swings. If I get a bruise dad will be out for Nathan's blood regardless if the bruise is from an accident and not physical abuse.

A door opening finally stopped Nathan's assault.

"Get your punk asses out of there now!" Nathan darted over to the truck. He ferociously kicked the door shut. "Don't even try to run." Another kick. "Nobody messes with me!" He went to kick it again, but the car sped off. "Nobody!"

"Fucking pieces of shit!" His loud curse attracted the wrong attention.

"Hey! What's going on over here!" The Blackwell head of security jogged over to us. Great, he comes now. Amazing how he showed up right as the action's over.

I helped Warren stand up and let him lean on me. Nathan got got him pretty bad in the face. I should have yanked Nathan off him instead of trying to reason with him. Sometimes brute force is all that can get through to Nathan in one of his flits of fury.

"I'm sorry Warren. I'm a terrible friend." I can't do good for anyone. All I do is hurt them. I really didn't want him to get hurt. He was trying to stick up for the girl he likes. This school needs more people like him and less like me.

"It's okay…I think." Warren attempted to smile with his bust up face. "I can't expect a girl to stop a fight between men...Besides I got that bad boy look going for me now."

I know Warren didn't mean anything by it, but his misogynist comment still pisses me off. I could've stopped Nathan if I really wanted to. I let him go wild to see if Max would do anything. Mission failed and Warren became collateral damage.

Me, being a girl had nothing to do with my inactivity during the confrontation.

"You three! Explain yourselves that's an order." Officer Madsen glared at Nathan specifically. As if Nathan's going to listen to a man in blue.

"I had to talk with Max Caulfield and she drove off." Or he'll do the opposite and heed Officer Madsen order. What's up with that? Nathan doesn't give a rat's ass about listening to authority figures asserting their dominance over him.

"Is that so? And how do you explain Mr. Graham's bruised face?" He continued to grill Nathan for details and looked to Warren for a confession.

Warren chose to remain silent during this exchange. He learned first-hand not to cross Nathan Prescott. His face is proof of Nathan's version of retribution.

"I don't know. Maybe he tripped." Nathan clearly wanted to be done with the conversation, but wasn't shooing off the guard. Why is he showing respect to this war zealot.

"Officer Madsen, Warren really needs first aid." I interrupted the guard from interrogating Nathan further.

"You're right." He reluctantly turned his attention to me." I'll take him to the infirmary. But don't think this means you all are off the hook. I will be questioning all persons involved in this fight." He took Warren from me and escorted him to the nurse's office.

"Just another thing I'll add to my list of drama for the day." I rolled my eyes at his threat. Madsen is definitely going to use this as excuse to dig at dad. The cop is determined to write off all residents of Arcadia Bay as guilty criminals. His paranoia and disregard for the ethics is eventually going to make him a problem for us.

"I definitely need a fucking drink." Nathan seized my hand. He lead me back to his car like nothing happened. I squeezed his hand back. I should be mad at him for punching Warren, but that kid knows Nathan is a loose cannon. Warren also stupidly tried attacking Nathan more than once. I honestly don't care enough to stay mad at Nathan for his rage fest.

"How about we eat first. I'm starving. Stress makes me hungry." I fiddled with the radio after I got in the car. He started the truck up and changed gears.

"Everything makes you hungry, pig...And put your seat belt on." Nathan's smug grin was making my hand itch to slap him right where Max marked him.

"Shut up and drive dickbagtheasshole." I fastened my seat belt.

"Whatthefuck did you just call me?" Nathan rolled down the windows as he drove off. He prefers to smell the sea on the wind than have cold blasts of air hit him.

"Dickbagtheasshole. Maxine came up with it."

"I'm going to teach her a lesson."

"Of course you are. You did such a great job getting your face clawed off." I leaned my head out the window.

"I can shove you right out the car, you know." Nathan glowered at me as we pulled out from the school. If only we could drive away from our problems too. Maybe one day I could persuade dad into letting me go on a road trip with Nathan. That'll be an awesome graduation trip.

"I'm not afraid of death." He gave me a blank look. "I almost died this morning."

What a lie. I'm terrified of dying.

"What the fuck do you mean you almost died?" Nathan spared me a glance, but held his gaze on the road. It's funny that he has anger issues, but he plays it safe when drives.

"I had a asthma attack in science class and Daddy rushed me to the nurse's office." The wind whipping past made me raise my voice over the noise.

"Didn't you have your inhaler on you? Or did you conveniently forget it?" Nathan's patronizing tone annoyed me.

"Don't get high-handed with me. You're the same way with your medication." I know he gets worried about me being reckless, but he doesn't have to be a dick about it.

"Pft…Well I won't die if I don't take my shit." No, but I've seen Nathan get terrible withdrawal effects.

"I hate that fucking inhaler. No one else in my family has a history of asthma." I turned up the volume of the radio. Indie rock is the best.

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"Welcome to Two Whales Diner. Take a seat and I'll be with you in a moment." Joyce's sunny smile greeted me as I entered with Nathan. Oh the smells of food are making my mouth water.

I had insisted on coming here for lunch. Nathan didn't put up too much of a fight with my choice. We could have gone anywhere we wanted to eat in Arcadia Bay, but I prefer the cozy atmosphere of the town diner. We both decided to sit in the corner booth by the jukebox. Typically only the younger customers sit over in this section. The adults don't like having their ears bombarded with music. Lucky for us the level of racket will make it hard for any prying ears to listen in on us.

"We should have gone somewhere more up to standard. I'm not going to be able to drink in here." Nathan didn't bother opening the menu. He consistently orders a burger every time we come here for lunch or dinner.

"Stop complaining. You know you love this place even more than I do." I flipped the menu open. What am I craving today? The words look a little blurry without my glasses.

"You're full of shit."

"No you are. Because every time you pay the bill you leave a big tip for Ms. Joyce." My impish smile elected a dirty look from him. He can't stand letting people see his soft side.

"So I can be charitable if I want."

"You most most certainly can…" I sent him a patient smile. "But I've only seen you do it for Ms. Joyce." His face flushed. He's so adorable.

"So a burger and fry with a coke for you, Mr. Prescott?" Joyce's perfect entrance kept Nathan from flipping on me.

"Yeah that's fine." Nathan icily glared at in my direction while I silently laughed behind my menu.

Joyce was one of the only waitresses that treated Nathan like any other customer. The other waitresses were either too afraid of angering him, and by extension his father, or they went overboard trying to leave a good impression on him. Her impressive cooking skills also won over Nathan. Easiest way to a man's heart is his stomach. I should try cooking for him sometime soon.

"And for you Clarissa?"

"I'll take the tenders and fries with a sprite." I gathered our menus and handed them back to Joyce after she finished taking our orders.

"Thanks honey." She placed the menus under her arm. "Your order will be along shortly." She went back to serving her other customers.

"Chicken tenders? You're such a kid." Nathan sniggered. He slouched back in his seat and took his jacket off. I wonder if his gun is still in the there. I can see some of those bites from me poking out of his blazer. Those marks look like painful bruises now on his pale skin.

"We're the same age genius." He seems so much younger and softer without that bright red jacket on.

I guess I should start spilling some secrets now.

"So…Maxine is on your hit list now?" My foot found his under the table. I got him to play along with my movements.

"Don't fuck up my expensive shoes while you're playing footsie with me." Nathan's amused expression contrasted his statement. "You got me Clarissa. I'm planning on pulling a Hitman 47 on her." I couldn't help laughing at that one. Nathan had a secret mania for spy movies and other hardcore action flicks.

Joyce set our drinks down and went back to the counter. Normally Joyce would take some time out to ask me how school was going and if my father was well, but with Nathan present she strictly stayed professional. I played along with her compassionate act until it became natural for me to open up to her. I wonder if Joyce has ever tried to make small talk with Nathan too. He doesn't really seem bothered by her presence.

"Stop, I'm being serious. What did you do that blue punk?..I think Max called her Chloe. Did you pull your gun on her?" He jerked back from my question.

"H-how do you know this? You weren't fucking there." Nathan's voice lowered to an alarmed whisper. I took a generous sip of my soda.

"Because I was there. And you really should stop dropping so many curses." Nathan kicked at my foot. Too bad his kick hurt him more than me. My boots have a thick bottom to them compared to his fancy dress shoes.

"And here's your food kids." Joyce delivered two steaming plates of food. That was fast. "Wave if you need anything else." Joyce left us to finish off our date with no further interruptions.

"What do you mean you were there? You going to drop a bomb on me and tell me you can turn invisible?" Nathan ignored his food to stare at me. I'm going to eat my food. My stomach is demanding I feed it and it must be obeyed.

"Not in this life…That hair dye mistake tried to blackmail you into giving her money for her silence. She kept insulting me the entire time too." I pushed his plate towards. I can't stand being the only person eating when I'm with someone. "Eat. I know you don't like cold food." I won't tell him about the shooting. I don't want to see him that hysterical and broken ever again. He loses his shit over enough things. It was traumatizing for him to experience once. No need to make him relieve it.

"That's impossible. Some of what you're saying happened except the parts about you." He started eating his his burger. "Is this going to be like last time…"

Regardless of his disbelief of my claim, he seems relieved. This is one more of his burdens he can share with me. I'm glad I can comfort him. I know I'm not the best person to be his girlfriend, but I want to try to be a kind face for him. Even if he can be an obnoxious spoiled brat with a foul mouth most of the time.

"It's not impossible. I think we've found another irregularity in Arcadia Bay. This one rewinds time too. I experienced the morning events twice."

"Great. Another fucking reason my life is shit. I'm tired of this bullshit." Nathan's shoulders sagged under an invisible weight. I'd wager a million dollars he's thinking about his father. That man puts brutal pressure on people. Under no circumstances do I want to have any dealings with that man. He's dark…

"Well this one won't be anything like the last one." I nudged his foot. We both need to not think of the warden. "Don't worry about your father. As long as we get results he won't bother us." Nathan's nervous eyes met mine. I can completely understand the fear of not wanting to disappoint your parent.

"Hard not to Ris. He's my dad which means he always checks on me." We both finished our meals. Yet we both look like we're about to spit the food back out. "So…Who is it?"

"I think that should be obvious to you. She was the only other person in the bathroom besides me." I let him think on that for a moment. Watching his face go from confusion to realization is like watching the hero discover the villain's identity.

"Wait, Max Caulfield?" Nathan's look of repulsion evoked a mean chuckle from me. His reaction is practically the same as mine. Maxine is the last person I'd expect chance upon superpowers.

"Yes Max Caulfield…So you should be careful around the sweet little doe. She could have used her powers when you confronted her but she didn't..." I brushed my loose bangs out of my eye. "So I'm not entirely sure the extent of what she can do."

"Well how the fuck am I supposed to be careful around the sissy? I'll never know if she rewinds…" Nathan pulled his wallet out to pay the bill. "You're the only one of us who's aware of stuff like that happening."

"Damn you're right." I slid out of the booth. "Whatever. I'm tempted to let Daddy handle her. I don't have the patience to charm boring Max like he does…Anyhow I'm still busy with Kate." Thinking of Kate made me reach for my locket. I can't feel remorse for her.

I tenderly picked up Nathan's jacket as he went to the counter to settle the bill. Red is such a bright color. It makes everything look menacing and hazardous. Nathan looks like a walking trouble magnet when he wears this coat. Blue would look much more flattering on him. I made my way over to the rage monster as he waited for me at the door. We walked in silence to the car.

"Clarissa?" His glum voice stopped me from opening the car door. "Do you ever regret the things we've done?"

What a loaded question. There's so many awful things I've done in a short span of time. I've been committing heinous crimes since I was born. My very own act of coming into this life robbed my mother of her life. My heart was blackened after my first breath. From then on these past eighteen years have been a string of regrets and self-hatred. Dad was my only reason to keep going. Now I have a second reason. Nathan reminds me of myself in many ways. I identify more with him than anyone else I've met.

"I have a million regrets. Kate being the most recent….And I told you about my mom." My thumb pushed the clasp on the locket. I just have to look inside my locket to remember why I push myself. "But you'll never be one them Nathan. No matter how many times you fuck up. I'll help you clean up your mess." I sent him a melancholic smile. I do care about Nathan Prescott.

"T-thanks Ris…I don't know how'd mange without you." Nathan got choked up from my sincere admission. His cheeks colored. He tried to cover it up by saying his cuts were stinging him. Lying whale freak.

He shouldn't be this emotional about someone caring about him. He should have the love and support of his family, not threats and put downs. He should have the adoration of the whole school body, not their fear. He should have a girlfriend that is devoted to him, not one that is deceptive. Nathan is so beautiful, but people only see his ugly side. One of these days his life will turn around.

"I think you can handle yourself. Where's that usual swagger Mr. Bond." Nathan good-naturedly snatched his jacket back.

"Get in the car and quit cracking jokes you fucking Harry Potter nerd."

"I just had the greatest idea for the Halloween Party. You can go dressed as James Bond and I can dress up as your gorgeous date. Perfect excuse for me to wear a lavish dress."

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"Did you just take a picture of me?" The flash of Nathan's camera made me look up from my textbook. Today is just a repetition of deja vu events. I did the same thing to Kate earlier. I snapped a pic of her looking miserable. Now Nathan snaps a pic of me looking miserable. Science is frying my brain at the moment.

Our lunch went later than we thought so we headed back to Blackwell. Nathan technically doesn't have to adhere to the curfew, but I convinced him not to push his luck anymore today. I don't live on the campus so the curfew doesn't affect me. Though I will be spending the night over at Dana's to catch up on major girl talk. So no beach for me today. Instead we're spending the last bit of daylight at one of the tables on campus.

"I can take a picture of you wheneverthefuck I please. I own you." I tried to steal the camera from him.

"I don't see your name tattooed on my ass. So, no you don't own me asswipe." He kept the the camera out of my reach.

"You're my girlfriend and I pay for a bunch of your shit. So I do own you." He swatted my hand away when I got too close. "You're my bitch not the other way around. And you better not write any embarrassing shit on my slate board again. Fucking douche bags were laughing their ass off in the dorm."

"I thought writing 'Nathan Prescott is my bitch' with a little heart at the end was romantic." I tucked some more of my hair behind my ear. The breeze is blowing it in my face.

"You're asking to get fucked up Clarissa." He took another picture of me. "You're lucky you're attractive, bitch."

"You better do a good touch up on those pictures jackass. Your lighting skills still aren't the best." I gave up bothering Nathan about the camera when I saw how focused and blissful he became. He didn't even register I slandered his skills and insulted him.

While Nathan played with his camera I went back to studying for Ms. Grant's upcoming test. I'm not retaining much of what I'm reading. My mind is too chaotic from the events of this lunatic day. Nathan shot a girl and I didn't tell him about it. I had an asthma attack from the panic of time being rewound. I was a bitch to Kate about her viral video. She's probably crying in her room. Warren got a severe beat down. I sent another apology text to him and promised to make up to him if he wanted. Dana aborted her baby and I promised her she could be the godmother to my first kid. Juliet got set up by Victoria. Max told Principal Wells about Nathan's firearm. Even worse, Max has the rewind power. I still need to catch her in the act to prove that assumption. Chloe, the girl she drove off with needs to be found too so she doesn't try to bust Nathan.

So much drama in one day. I could make a soap opera about all the crap that goes down at Blackwell.

I tiredly rubbed my face. I can't concentrate on science. The words aren't making sense to me and the words are blurring together.

"Shit! I still don't have my glasses. How do I keep forgetting about them?" I looked through my bag for them. The case is in here, but not the glasses. Where did leave them.

"You look better without them. It's like I'm actually seeing you…" Nathan's loving expression as he worked touched me. He's like my dad when he first started doing big photo shoots in Chicago. He used to enjoy getting absorbed in those projects. Then he became bitter with that kind of workflow.

A cold drop on my cheek put my reverie on hold.

"What the hell?!" Snow is falling from the sky. How is this possible? The sun is still out and it's not even remotely cold. There aren't any clouds out either.

"Guess the storm really is coming." Nathan disregarded the global phenomenon occurring. He continued playing with the camera. Nathan is calm and I'm freaking out. What is the world coming to?

"What storm?! There was no forecast for bad weather this week." Nathan looked up from his camera. His serious gaze seemed to be looking beyond me.

"The storm that will wipe out this town."


	5. My Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter features smut, don't read the second section if you are uncomfortable reading it.

_"My love, you have found peace, you were searching for release"_

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" _Hey daddy are you still locked in your classroom grading papers?"_ I sent a text to check on him. I could have called him and saved my fingers the trouble, but talking on the phone is so awkward compared to texting. If I leave him alone, dad will spend the rest of the day working. I can see him tucked behind his computer imputing letters in the dark. He really shouldn't work in the dark. His eyesight is already getting bed.

Despite teaching not being his cup of tea, he does an amazing job at him. He inspires his students to want to be better at photography, his charm comes in handy in handy in that regard since it makes the students want to impress him. He used to love photography so much until we came back here. Now dad is cynical about it all. We shouldn't have come here. We could have ignored him…

I almost tripped over my feet, but Nathan quickly caught me around the waist. Thankfully I managed to keep a tight hold on my phone He sent me a bemused look as he helped me up and kept his arm on my waist as we continued walking. We were idly walking to the girl's dorm. After it started getting dark I asked Nathan to walk back with me in case we run into Madsen out on patrol for curfew breakers. That man won't be as intrusive with me if Nathan's with me.

The vibrating buzz of my phone alerted me to dad's text.

" _I'll be here all night at this rate. Are you still staying with your friend Dana tonight?"_

" _Yes. She's been begging me to help her with organizing a Halloween Party. I'll be up all night listening to her ideas."_ Nathan's arm guided me as I focused on texting instead of walking. Messages with dad require my full attention because he goes completely mental if I don't use proper English when texting him. He's OCD about a lot of things. The psycho perfectionist should be his calling card. That's not funny…

" _Don't stay up too late. I don't want your grades to suffer due to you being too tired to focus in class. You and I have an image to maintain. We have to make effort look effortless."_ I deeply exhaled. I enjoy learning, but at the end of the day none of what I do here will matter. Not ever will I be allowed to leave this place. This shithole will end up being my grave site. _"Make sure you set at least two alarms for yourself. I won't be there to wake you up."_ I could sense his exasperation from this text.

" _I know Daddy. I won't disappoint you."_ I glanced up at Nathan. We both have a domineering parent. Nathan's been too quiet since the snow fall. He's been preoccupied with staring off into space.

He closed himself off like a clam after he made that ominous prediction about the storm. I have no idea what he was talking about and he wouldn't tell me anything when I asked about it. How in the world could a storm wipe out the town? The weather has been normal for the most part except for today. Maybe this has just been a freak of nature day. Or did Nathan have another nightmare and he's simply scared.

" _I know you won't Clarissa. We have too much to lose and we can't risk making anymore mistakes."_ I have high expectations to meet just like Nathan. Sometimes it feels like I'm in over my head. I could run away and live with my mother's family, pretend like none of this ever happened. Nevertheless there's no way I'll ever abandon dad, no matter how deep this shit keeps getting.

I wonder if dad knows if something strange is going to ensue. I've seen him stare off into space similar to Nathan. Is dad seeing the same thing too? _"Did you see the snow? It was really a freak of nature."_

" _Don't trouble yourself about that."_ His dismissive response made my eyebrows twitch. Why am I the only one acting surprised about the snow and why did he give me such a curt answer?

" _Do you know anything about a storm coming?"_ Lets try again to see if I can get some information. There's no point in beating around the bush with him. A direct question will get me a direct answer.

" _I said don't worry about it, Clarissa. Don't make me repeat myself again."_ I'm sure if he were here he'd be looking down at me with that condescending sneer he makes when I upset him from doing something acutely stupid. I shouldn't be bothering him about trivial stuff, he's got more important things to worry about.

" _I'm sorry Daddy. I won't bring it up again."_ I'm eighteen. I'm practically an adult by law, but I still feel like a small little girl when I talk to him.

" _I'm not angry with you. Go enjoy your night with your friend. Be a regular teenager for a night and not worry about life."_ I put my phone up after reading his last text. I playfully bumped Nathan's side.

"Done talking with 'Daddy'?" This is the first thing he's said since the snow fall. The way he said daddy was both longing and resentful. I wish I could fix their relationship, but after Rachel I don't think dad will come around to giving Nathan another chance.

"So you were reading my texts?" He snorted. Snot is going to come flying out his nose one of these days when he does that. I'll be sure to catch that on camera and post it.

"Whatever. Hurry up and walk so I can get to my room to finish those photos."

"As you command. I don't want to keep you from your porn magazines." Our walk sped up.

We managed to make it to the dorm just as the last light bit of sunlight faded. As the sun goes down it's like the whole world shifts to something darker. The nighttime is when the bad things occur. Like they say in Game of Thrones, 'the night is dark and full of terror'.

"Later chicken shit." Nathan separated from me and left after giving me a quick peck on the lips. He left before I could call him out on ridiculing me about my fear of the dark, it's not my fault I don't like it. Back in medical times it was unheard of for people to be out and about at night. Monsters or witches were said to make people disappear and disappearances are real problem in this town. Besides no young lady should be walking alone at night. Not everyone can carry around a gun for protection.

I arrived at Dana's door for the second time and knocked. I could hear music playing from inside. It sounds like the latest pop songs on the radio. I guess she started the party without me.

The door opened with Dana decked out in her sleepwear. "Claire bear come on in." She pulled me in her room and locked the door. Dana returned to jamming to some dance music.

"I'm not some care bear, you gorgeous goof." I flopped down on her couch and began taking off my boots and jacket. I took my phone out of my satchel and placed it on her table. Never know if dad might need something. Dana's table is littered with Halloween decorations and junk food. I'm still full from Joyce's cooking so I won't be eating most of it. On top of that looking at all the bags of chips and sweets is making my stomach turn. I must be getting ready to get my period if junk food seems unappealing.

"Your a total softie to certain people." Dana twirled to the beat of the music. "And a beotch to others." I rolled my eyes at her playful jab. Dana is a loving person who can get along with almost anyone. Me, on the hand, I'm a bit more fiendish. I choose who I'm genuinely affectionate with. After all I don't want to get close with too many people. If I start caring about others I'll never be able to do my job.

"I'm glad you're so chipper. I half expected this to turn into a bitch-at-everybody-who-ever-pissed-us-off-night. Not that I'd complain if it did. It's funny hearing you curse about people." I sank into the couch. My body feels so exhausted. I need a shower to wash away all the sins of the day.

"No it's okay I had a talk with Max that helped and Juliet and I had a long talk….I did a lot of talking today, so no more moping for me." Dana fell back on her bed after the song ended.

"What did Max talk to you about?" I've talked about her one too many times today.

"She asked me about the pregnancy rumor." That little girl is sticking her nose into everybody's business.

"What rumor? Hardly anyone knows about this."

"It's okay Clarissa, she was just worried about me. Max is a good girl." Dana waved off my concern. "And who cares if there's a rumor or not. It's hard to keep anything a secret at Blackwell." Isn't that the truth. Smartphones can spread lies and truths in an instant with a simple click.

"So are you going to go to the Halloween Party?" Dana eagerly looked at me. She's been putting a lot of effort into this party in order to take her mind off of things. I had helped come up with a few ideas, but Dana did most of the work for setting up the party.

"Duh! I have to see your hard work for myself. I'll even drag Nathan with me so we can double date." I got up and started rummaging through one of her drawers. I really need to take a shower.

"That is the most brilliant thing you've said. You'll have your man bitch and I'll have my own man candy. This is going to be a rocking party." I heard a pop noise behind me. Dana must be starting on the junk food.

"Yeah I just need to get a costume together. Nathan, surprisingly likes wearing matching outfits." I found some of my sleepwear under Dana's clothes. I'd slept over enough times that I regularly left clothes and pajamas in my bestie's room. I'd claimed her bottom drawer as my stash after she gave me permission. I've even caught Dana wearing some of my clothes on and off again. I prefer not to wear Dana's clothes since it mainly consists of ripped jeans or tight jeans and a colorful section of t-shirts. I can't stand wearing pants they make me look boyish. I don't have curves like most of the beauties at Blackwell. Dresses and skirts are my arsenal against the male population.

"That's so cute of him. Even tough guys have that soft spot for their girlfriends."

"I keep telling you all Nathan isn't all curses and threats. He can be a darling boy too." I found one of my more modest nightgowns. I grabbed some underwear and my shower gear from the drawer.

"I believe you, I've seen you two together when no one's around. You two look as thick as thieves." Dana sent me an envious look. That analogy is a very good representation of us since we get into a lot of trouble. "Well hello sexy lady. I hope you're not getting dressed up for me." Dana jokingly made a pass at me.

"You never know Dana. I might be secretly in love with you and this is my way of getting your attention." I played along with her until we both burst out laughing from our ridiculous flirting. I love hanging with Dana, it's like having a sister to talk and joke with.

"I can't believe you wear stuff like that at home. I'd never wear lace in my parent's house." She took the blue nightgown from me and modeled it over herself. It really isn't that bad, it has straps and reaches down past my knees. My black lingerie is a bit more risqué, it's lacy and see through.

"Get your cheesy covered fingers off my PJs." I took the gown back. "I don't wear these at home. I've got nothing, but grandma pajamas in my bedroom."

"Well why do you have them?" Dana shot me a confused look as she opened another bag of chips. I smell doritos, she's going to have to brush her teeth before she goes to bed.

I motioned for her to come closer.

"I bought them for Nathan." I whispered to Dana. I had no desire to wear risqué articles of clothing, but then Nathan had told me he likes sexy girls. I aim for the pretty and cute look for school, but at night I try the seductive look for him. Since I sometimes use Dana as a cover to spend the night with Nathan , I started leaving the Victoria Secret items in her room. I can't have dad finding those in my room or in the laundry.

"That's so kinky of you. I wouldn't have expected that from miss elegant and grace. I see now that it's not just Nathan that's wild." Dana giggled as she pulled out some of the other sets and hovered them over herself. "Does he let you keep them on for long?" She dramatically wriggled her eyebrows as she whispered back.

"Babe I don't kiss and tell." I stood up with everything I needed for the showers. I better leave before she asks me something intrusive. I share a lot of things with Dana, but my sex life is something I want to keep between me and my boyfriend.

"Come on, don't leave me hanging. I want to hear the good parts." Dana attempted to pull me back down next to her.

"No, no, no. I don't want to corrupt you." We ended up playing a game of tug-of-war. The cheerleader is winning right now. "Let me go take a shower already. I feel disgusting and my dirtiness is getting on you."

"Fine." She loudly sighed and let me go. "But this conversation isn't over. I'll make you talk one way or another." She threatened me with her wagging finger. Dana is too lovable to be scary.

I think she wants to know about me and Nathan because she's worried about Trevor. Her experience with Logan wasn't great and her confidence took a big hit to the face. I know she really likes Trevor so I wonder how far have they gotten.

"I read you loud and clear. No need to use threats. I'll be back." I exited Dana's room eager to feel sizzling water on my itchy skin.

When I opened the door to the showers I saw a blonde nuisance looking at her reflection. I promptly tried to back out before she noticed me. I've been avoiding her all day. Especially since I didn't decline her minions because of the rewind. Unfortunately, Victoria has a sixth sense for the Jefferson genes.

"Clarissa, mon cheri! I've been meaning to talk to you all day." Her enthusiastic smile reflexively made me return her expression. Victoria put down her brush and turned her full attention on me. She always has to make it seem like she's just so interested in me.

"Sorry. I was kind of preoccupied after class." I'm sorry I didn't managed to steer clear of your wanna be self. Regrettably I shut the door. No point in trying to retreat when I've been spotted and homed in on.

"Oh god. I heard you had a asthma attack after class today. That must have been awful. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that." Victoria's voice oozed false concern while she placed her hand over her heart. Her sympathy for my plight is not real. Is anything about her real? Why does she have to be Nathan's best friend? I don't want to play nice with this obviously insecure faker. I've had enough of people trying to use to get to my father.

"How did you know about that? Did you see it on some video?" My spiteful thoughts don't disrupt my trained persona of friendliness. I only let a trace of my displeasure seep into my voice. I cannot let people know how I actually feel.

"Absolutely not. I wouldn't watch something like that about you. I can't believe how anybody could have just stood there while you were dying." She looked authentically horrified at the idea. How quaint of her. Victoria and her minions recorded Kate at the Vortex Party and then posted it online. Kate is in the middle of a breakdown because of how that ruined her reputation. She should be horrified by what she did to Kate and not by some dicks recording me. I have earned every bad thing that befalls me. Kate hasn't done anything to warrant mistreatment and yet her fate has been decided because of her purity.

"I was talking to Mark after class but then Selfie Max had to interrupt us." I didn't realize she was talking again until I heard dad's name. "So I got ready to leave when Ms. Grant came rushing in saying you were dying in her classroom…" She got a dreamy look in her eye as she recounted her story. "Mark's face went white and he sprinted out the classroom. I've never seen him so scared. He really cares about you Clarissa. A father's undying love is the most the endearing quality Mark has…Well that and all his other ones." She finished her tale with a bright blush on her face and a demure giggle.

I hate Victoria. I hate her so much. She talks about my dad like he's her lover, calling him by his name, like they're so close. I hate it. She don't have the right to act like she's so close to him in front of me. My hands are squeezing the shower products hard enough to pop the bottles.

"I guess he does." I thinly smiled before I walked into one of the showers and closed the curtain. I have get her out of my sight before I snap. I undress and put my things outside of the shower. The hot burn of the shower water hits me like bullets. Let all my problems wash away like dirt.

"So dreariness aside. How would you like to go to the mall this weekend? We can hunt for some killer outfits for the End of the World Party coming up. I just have to show you this dress I found. I think it'll be perfect for you." Victoria yelled over the noise of the running shower. Why can't she leave me alone? I'm trying to keep myself from strangling her.

"Sorry I can't. I promised Nathan I'd spend time with him this weekend." I started scrubbing out my irritation on my scalp. Maybe I could try dying my hair one day. Shit, my shampoo bottle is almost empty.

I heard Victoria's practiced laugh. "Guess I can't usurp your time with Nate, he can be really possessive every so often. We'll have to hang some other time." She even has to throw her closeness with Nathan in my face as well. I rinsed all the product from my hair hoping Victoria would finally leave.

To my annoyance, she made no effort to leave and instead started blabbering about the latest gossip at school. I ignored most of the dribble coming out her mouth and prioritized cleaning myself. I occasionally responded to her while I scrubbed my skin raw. I feel like I have to diligently scrub to get the filth of this morning off. I was covered in that girl's blood. I already forgot her name. I scrub the vanilla body wash harder into my skin with the sponge. Under no circumstance do I ever want to be covered in blood again.

I finished with my cleansing purge and grabbed my towel to dry off. As I came out the shower in a towel Victoria waved goodbye to me. "Au revoir Clarissa. We'll talk more later. I've got homework to finish."

"Sure, sure." I politely waved back at her. I sighed as the blonde finally left. I took the towel off and put my pajamas on.

"Uppity bitch." I swiped my hand over the mirror until it cleared up. "She's starting to annoy me as much as Rachel did. She was all over Daddy too." I started braiding my hair into a side braid. I'll let it air dry like this so my hair will be wavy in the morning.

I'll never let Victoria get near my dad outside of school. Since she found out I'm the daughter of Mark Jefferson, Victoria has tried to get an invite to our house through a friendship with me. She even dared to suggest we do homework together at my house once before I even really knew who she was. I made the mistake of having a friend over once. I won't repeat that mistake after how she betrayed me. The idea of even having someone else in my only comfort zone makes me sick. The apartment is the only place I don't have to act normal. I can be as despicable and broken as I want in my cave of wonders.

Sometimes I do wish I could live the life of someone else.

I left the showers with all my stuff and made my way back to Dana's. Being clean and smelling like vanilla is a great feeling. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kate's head pop out of her door. I hurriedly opened Dana's door and shuffled inside. I am in no mood to deal with her. I did my part. I want nothing else to do with her.

Dana is laying back on her bed texting on the phone. I see she's eaten some more junk food while I was gone. She doesn't notice me come in. Feeling a little hungry I take a chocolate bar from the pile of goodies. I sit on the couch and observe Dana's gleeful expression as I munch on a Crunch Bar. This would taste better if it were a bit more frozen. I like my chocolate cold.

I sat and watched Dana for a few minutes.

"So who're you texting?" My question startles Dana into dropping her phone. The heavy object lands on her nose.

"Ouch!" She splutters for a moment before she glares at me. "When did you come in?!" Dana is red and twitchy, signs of a guilty person.

"I've been watching you make kissy faces at your phone for a good while. I take it your man candy is texting you?" I winked at Dana's flustered face. It's cute and refreshing to see her so caught up in that stage of dating. I remember when I first started feeling that fluttering excitement for Nathan. Every thought of him made my chest burst with warmth and my mind would cycle through images of him smiling at me. It was such a beautiful feeling that I wish I could have stayed looped in, but I don't deserve to feel such happy sensations. I don't deserve Nathan Prescott.

"Umm.." Dana hesitates for some reason. "I am texting Trevor and he…" Dana glanced nervously between me and her phone.

"And what? Does he want you to send him goodnight pic or something?" I don't see how skater boy could make the cheerleader speechless. Trevor doesn't seem like a pig compared to those jocks, so I doubt he's saying anything vulgar to his girlfriend.

"He…" Dana looked at her phone again. I rolled my eyes. Timidness is such a turnoff to me unless the person is being emotional. So far Nathan is the only one I've seen pull off nervous act and it not irritate me.

"Do I need to go break his fingers or something? Is he upsetting you?" My impatient tone caused Dana to blurt out her problem.

"Trevor asked if he could come over." Dana apprehensively looked at me.

"Well shit, that's it. You made it sound like life and death hung in the balance." I wasn't expecting Trevor to request that, but it's not that big a deal. From how shy Dana was acting, I can only assume that she wants him to come over and she's looking for my permission. She must really like this guy. Logan and her were an item for twice the amount of time she and Trevor have been together and it took forever for Dana to let Logan visit and yet Trevor is already coming over.

"Are you sure about this Dana? You're still not completely over Logan and you're messed up about the baby…." Dana hung her head down in depression. I know that was a low blow, but she needs to hear this. I got up from the couch and sat down next to her.

"Babe if you really care about Trevor and you want to express that to him, then I fully support you." I wrapped my arms around Dana and she leaned into the hug. "Love is a funny emotion, it can hurt or it can help…If you're going to have sex with him do it because you want to Dana not because he's indirectly pressuring you." I care about my best friend's heart. I don't want to see it broken again because of some dumbass boy. No girl should be made to feel worthless by a childish guy that can't handle a relationship.

"Thanks for being such a great friend Clarissa. You're always honest with me and give good advice." Dana happily hugged me back. I truly enjoy having her as a best friend.

"Of course babe. Us redheads need to stick together like you said…So are you telling him yes or no?" I looked Dana dead in the eyes. If she hesitates then I'll talk her out of it.

"I want to spend the night with him…I think I might be in love Claire bear." Dana's smile was small, but tender. Her adorable expression is the only thing keeping me from gagging from her awful pet name for me.

"Oh…" Dana suddenly sent me a guilty look. "If Trevor comes over, where are you going to sleep…This was our girl's night too." Her mood steadily dropped as she looked between her phone and best friend.

"Don't be stupid Dana. If you're going to have fun with a guy then I will too." I snatched the phone out her hand. "I know Nathan won't have problem with me crashing with him." I started typing up a text to send to Dana's beau.

"Hey give me back my phone! What're you doing?" Dana tackled me at the waist. Shit that hurts. Logan certainly taught her a thing or two.

"D-Dammit Dana!" The curse flew out my mouth after she started jabbing her fingers into my sides. "Don't tickle me! I'm doing you a favor!" I continued texting Trevor as sporadic fits of laughter escaped from me. A s I finished telling Trevor to come over Dana's fingers switched to tickling my feet.

"N-No!" My body had a spaz attack from the assault on my feet. I ended up falling off the bed in a fit of uncontrollable chuckles.

"Give me back the phone or I'll continue to torture you." Tears are coming out my eyes now.

"H-Here t-take it." I tossed the phone up Dana. It hit her in the chest, but she caught it. I remained upside down on the floor while I tried to catch my breath.

"Come on over and I'll show you a surprise?!" Dana incredulously frowned. "Clarissa I can't believe you sent that!" Dana knocked my legs off the bed so the rest of my body was on the floor. Man I need to text Nathan next.

"He'll be here in fifteen minutes! Clarissa what do I do? My room has this food and crumbs in here. I'll look a pig to him. Damn! I need to go shower real quick and brush my teeth." Dana ran her hands through her hair as she panicked. She rapidly began trying to tidy up her room.

"I think you should wear one of my Victoria Secret outfits too. That will help distract him." I got my phone from off the table. No missed calls or texts. "Or you could wait for him naked."

"Nooooo! I can't do either of those. I'll hit the shower first then throw on some make-up and perfume. I can manage all that in fifteen minutes." She frantically grabbed a bunch of things.

"You do that babe. I'll be out of your hair in a minute." Dana thanked me and apologized as she ran out the door with her beauty supplies. I pulled up Nathan's contact info.

" _Hey are you up?"_ He shouldn't be asleep, it's only nine. I contemplated using some of Dana's product. I envy how gorgeous she is. With or without make-up, Dana is a solid ten.

" _Yea wha the fuk u want?"_ His messy text stopped me from going on a jealousy binge.

" _Maybe I want to fuck you."_ Knowing Dana is going to intimate with her boyfriend stirs me up enough to want to do the same thing. I hadn't planned on doing anything promiscuous tonight, but I can't let this opportunity go to waste. Nathan hasn't touched me in so long and he did make feel good a couple of times today.

" _U for real? Don't do tha teasin shit!"_ I think we both teased each other an equal amount of times today.

" _I'm serious. I want to make love to you Nate."_ That text is sending ripples of longing through me. I'm getting turned on just thinking about the brown menace. I wonder how those love bites look on his shoulder now.

 _"Get the fuk ovr here Ris."_ His demanding text makes me gather my things.

 _"Coming."_ My jacket and shoes are back on. Wait, it's cold outside, I'll need some jeans. I hate pants, but I don't want to freeze my legs off.

 _"U will."_ I snorted after reading that perverse innuendo. How clever Nathan. I grabbed a pair of jeans out of Dana's drawer and shimmed into them. Why are tight jeans a thing?

I left a note for Dana on her dresser. She'll see it when she comes back in to put on her make-up.

"Now I just have to run around in the dark."

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"Nathan open up it's me." I murmured as I knocked on his door. Twenty minuets later, I accomplished sneaking into the boy's dorm in nothing but nightclothes and jeans. My jacket hardly kept me warm in that chilly air. Trekking through the dark wasn't easy either. I should've had Nathan come get me, it's the least he can do as a good boyfriend. I hate the dark. Good thing no one saw me in the hallways. The dim lights make it hard to see so even if I was spotted they wouldn't be able to tell it's me.

The door to room 111 opened.

"Clarissa." Nathan's mellow voice jolted me. His voice sounds so loud to me even though he's talking low.

"Are you going to let me in?" He's wedged behind the door and I can't see into his room. Why's he acting shifty?

"You have to close your eyes first." His gaze shifted from me to the side. Okay, this is an odd request. "Well?" He's anxiously waiting on me.

"I trust you Nate." Against my better judgement I obeyed his stipulation. The world went black.

A warm hand grasped mine and pulled me forward. I rub my hands against his to return some heat to mine. The soft click of a lock caused me to jump. I'm really not liking this. I don't feel in control.

"Relax." Nathan's words were followed with a kiss to my ear. The tickle of his breathe involuntarily lead me to shiver. I'm starting to feel warm. How can he expect me to relax when my body is hyper aware of everything. I smell something burning.

"Open your eyes." His voice drifted from my ear and his hand left my hold.

The light returned as my eyelids fluttered open.

"No way." I'm amazed to see Nathan's usual black and grey room lit with multiple blue candles on his desk and drawer. So that was the burning smell. The room actually looks a little romantic from the glow of the flames. Something as simple as candles makes his room seem less depressing.

"Don't sound so fucking surprised." Nathan's words had no bite to them. He's standing to the side of me hunched over by his bed. Music erupts in the room. He must have turned on his speakers. Alluring piano music fills the room. How posh that the rich kid loves classical music. All I ever hear him listen to is whale sounds so this is an interesting change. Why isn't he like this more often? "I didn't want to hear you complain about it being dark in here." He turned back to stare at me.

"Sorry." I held my hands out for him to take. "I love it Nathan, it's very charming." I blissfully smiled as he intertwined our fingers. That walk in the cold, pitch-black night was worth it. I wish I had my camera with to take a picture of this.

"Nate." He lowered his forehead to mine. His blue eyes looks so appealing. Does he feel this potent pressure like I do? "Call me Nate again."

"Nate." I was rewarded with a slow kiss. Nathan removed my jacket as he ended our sensual kiss. I licked my lips wanting more from him. This feels so much more amorous than our other times.

"It sounds nice from you." The jacket was tossed onto his couch. He moved on to his next task of taking off my pants. My breathing is getting quicker.

"That text you sent drove me crazy." He bent down and kissed each part of my leg that was revealed as the jeans came off. His lips are soft touches. The nightgown tumbled down to cover the skin the jeans previously hid.

"I…" Nathan stopped undressing me and tentatively studied me. Oh, he looks so shy and innocent right. Only he can make shy look so tantalizing. "I want to make love you too Ris."

"Nate." I tenderly ran my fingers through his fine brown hair. We haven't declared our feeling for the other and yet here we are saying one of the most loving phrases a person can say to their partner. I hadn't even been thinking when I sent that particular text to Nathan. The hardest part of being a young girl is feeling emotions that I'm not ready to face. I'm too scared to say those words to him.

"I don't want to fuck you anymore…" He tossed the jeans next to the jacket after I stepped out of them. I'm fixated on his moving lips. "No more crazy shit. I want to do this properly."

"That's fine with me." I have no problem letting his box of rope and blindfolds rest under his bed. His BDMS fetish is a little wild for me and I feel too high on whatever this is to appease to Nathan's rough fantasies.

"Then fucking strip." Any reply I could have made was cut off by my abrupt squeak. Nathan's hands snaked under my dress straight to my underwear. I moaned as he went ahead rubbing circles on me while his lips made their way up my thigh. "You smell like vanilla." His rumbling voice against my leg is making me heat up. My hands tightened their grip on his hair as those lips replaced his thumb. My legs feel like jelly and I'm on fire, this is insane, he's barely started.

"I said strip Clarissa. Or are you fucking deaf?" Nathan pulled away from me after planting another kiss in the middle of my underwear. He stood and started untangling my braid. I'm too entranced with him to get mad over his teasing. His watchful gaze followed me as I let the gown fall to the floor after taking off the straps. Nathan finished with my braid and I shook my hair out to drape over my shoulders.

"Light blue looks pretty on you." His hot gaze admired the lacy artwork serving as the last barrier covering me. I slowly unhooked the bra. "But black looks best on you." My panties and bra joined the rest of the growing pile of clothes on his couch.

"Damn." Nathan went back and forth between squeezing and relaxing his knuckles as he wildly stared at every inch of my nude form. His eyes have become like camera lens, snapping individual photos of me. It's so hot in here, I want to open a window.

I tip-toed over to Nathan. "Nate you have to undress too. I can't be the only one naked." I'm speaking so softly, I'm too afraid braking this moment.

He grunted when I pulled his shirt up and over his head. I ran my hands over his smooth skin. He's lost weight again. I pressed a kiss to his and felt his heart thump under my lips. I moved my hands down, intent on getting his shorts off next, but Nathan growled and held my neck so he could smash his mouth on mine.

His humid hands roamed over my back and pressed me flush against him. I moaned from the tingles I got from having my breast connected with his chest. Our mouths moved in tandem to the music. Another song had begun and the melody is crescendoing just like my heart. I need to get his shorts off. My hands are trying to remove these pesky shorts, but they're not budging because of our close bodies.

"Nate…" I try to call out to him to get him to undress. He ignores me and tenses up before he picks me up. I have to quickly wrap my arms around his shoulders to stay balanced. He rains kisses all over my neck and jaw while he maneuvers us to the bed. When he reaches his destination Nathan drops me on to the bed. I bounce for a moment before I settle on the comfortable bed. I sit up and reach for him. I want him to stay connected with me.

"Stay still Ris." He firmly pushes me back so I'm laying down. His feral grin momentarily prompted my cheeks to redden. What is he going to do? His mouth swiftly descended onto my nipple and started slow dance of licking and sucking while his hand tended to the other. Oh it feels good. It hurts a little to have him playing with my chest, they feel so sensitive, but it feels wonderful. I lightly scrapped my nails against his and back. He hums in return for my caresses.

Nathan starts grinding against me, pressing his hard lower half against my heated half. The friction of our bodies is making me want to tear off his shorts and get this going. I hear him mutter my name as he stops fondling my breast. He ventures lower, leaving a wet trail of saliva in his path. I can't help but wriggle in his hold as his hands move over my sides. I can feel him smirking on my skin. I don't need to be tickled right now. Suddenly, Nathan blows a raspberry right on my stomach. The laugh comes out before I can stop it.

I have a reprimand and smack ready for him, but I lose the ability to think after his mouth lands on my inner thigh and bites hard. A pained groan rushes out from me. He's so close to there. Is he…

His tongue answers my question as it darts in and out. "N-Nathan!" He's never done this to me. I've only read about this online, I never knew how amazing it actually feels. I'm wildly breathing.. I can't keep a steady breathing pattern. I feel like my insides are exploding. Oh shit, this is fucking amazing. I need to hold on to something.

"Nate…" I muddled his name as my back arched off the bed after a particular motion sets off my senses. I took a hold of one of his pillows and used it to smother my face. He's making me want to scream…I can't scream, people will hear. Nathan roughly pulls me toward him by gripping my bottom. His tongue is moving even faster. Shiiiiit. My body is so hot. My hair is starting to stick to my forehead.

"Nathan. Nathan. Nathan. Nate…" I start chanting his name into the pillow like a mantra. A divine rush starts building in me. Nathan's tongue starts speeding up once more in response to my thighs tightening around his shoulders. What the fuck is happening to me?

I hold onto the pillow for dear life as I feel a wave of tension roll over me. All my muscles are tensed up for something climatic. I continue chanting Nathan's name to keep me together. I feel something in me snap and send me over the edge. My body violently shuddered from the aftereffects of the euphoric feeling coursing through me. A weak cry escaped from me when the sensations continued. As my high leveled out my arms let go of the pillow and collapsed against the bed. It feels like I've just finished running a marathon. My heart is pounding so fast and harsh against my rib cage. I can't breathe correctly. I feel so fucked up, drugs have nothing on this.

The pillow disappeared and I was greeted with Nathan's wild and flushed face. I haven't seen him look so messy since the last party we went to and he got extremely drunk and spent the next morning in bed hungover. I don't look any better with my hair twisting and sticking to me from the sweat and my body is equally pink and moist from our activities. I can smell that odd scent of sex on him too.

"You look so fucking beautiful, Ris and I'm the one who did this to you." His husky voice and awestruck expression made me feel vulnerable. He serenely caressed my cheek, moving some red strands off my face. A lot of blood is rushing to my cheeks. I licked my dry lips. What are you doing to me Nathan Prescott?

"Nate, I want you inside me now." I looped my arms around his neck and brought him closer. He smells like me. My body needs to feel all of him. I don't want him to leave my arms. This level of affection I'm feeling is absurd. Fucking hormones.

"You're such a sexy bitch. How the fuck can you keep riling me up?" He stood up and reached down to tug his shorts and boxers off. He kicked them off to the side. Nathan is finally as bare and open as me.

"Come here Nate." I beckon him back with a fond smile. I want to see this disturbingly beautiful boy come undone like all the other times. I want to see that furious face he makes as he's overwhelmed in emotions he can't explain. Nathan climbed on top of me and kissed me as he readied himself. This kiss taste odd because of his earlier activities. Everything about us is odd.

"Fuck!" His curse is exactly what I'm thinking when he enters me. My core still feels overly stimulated from before so our coupling feels like a jolt of electricity to me. This is breathtaking. I can't get enough of this boy. I start lathering his poor purple shoulder in wet kisses.

"S-Shit…It's so sensitive…This isn't going to last long Ris." He shakily starts thrusting in slow bursts. His arms are taunt next to my head.

"It's okay." Rubbing circles on his bulging muscles, I try to make it easier for him. My efforts only make him groan more. My soothing kisses make their way up his neck .

"So wet…F-Fuck." He continues mumbling as he moves one of his arms under me as his thrust pick up. His arm brings my hips closer to his to make the thrusts go deeper. He buries his face into my red hair. I sighed from the feeling of being on cloud nine. My sore legs wrapped around him to bring him deeper into a cocoon of warmth.

"Nate, go faster…" I moaned into his ear. My nibbles on his ear prompted him to jerk erratically from the change in position. His thrusts are making it difficult to think straight. He can't go any deeper can he?

"Ris…" He shifts and it makes me moan his name again. We need to be quieter. I'm sure someone is listening. I angled my head so I could kiss his face and he turned to catch my lips. Our tongues are fighting against the other as our meshed bodies work to send us to a newfound ecstasy.

Nathan's movements become sporadic and convulsive as nears his peak. Our limbs tightly interlock us together despite their screaming protests from the abuse of our lovemaking. Our lips break apart for a much needed air break. I hold on to his neck and shoulder as he rapidly starts panting. Both his hands are rigidly holding my hips in place while he slams back and forth. His face is scrunching up into that expression I like. He's in that moment of supreme concentration and pleasure. A trickle of sweat rolls down his forehead. I'm sure if his eyes were open they'd be grey from his surging emotions. I'm sure my eyes have gone black from my over abundant lust.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck…." He's harshly biting his lip. If he doesn't stop he'll break the skin. His bed is rocking from the force of our movements. We just can't keep quiet.

"Nate…" I can't speak anything else but his name at this point. He makes some animal noise as he comes undone after I call out for him. He sloppily plants his mouth over my bruised one as he rides out his peak of pleasure. His orgasm pleases a darker part of me that enjoys seeing him out of sorts because of me.

Our heavy pants are the only sounds coming from the two of us for a while. Nathan pulls out and crumples on top of me disregarding how hefty he is compared to me. I'm too tired to push him off. I brush loose strands of hair out of my face and behind my ears. I'm going to need to take a long shower in the morning. Nathan adjusts himself over me so he's more comfortable. I switch from combing my hair to combing through his short mess. We're both too tired to redress ourselves at the moment.

"Nathan you should open your window." A big yawn came out of me. It's getting hard to keep my eyes open. "Or your room's going to smell like sex and sweat tomorrow." His body is warm and comfortable like a blanket.

"Whatthefuckever." He drowsily pulled the cover we knocked over in the heat of the moment back over our nude bodies. The classical music still playing too. I reach over to switch the music. The sound of whale noises filled the room. I know Nathan needs to hear it to sleep. We settled into a comfortable position to sleep.

"Nate don't leave me…" The words slurred out as I entered a state of emptiness.

I don't know if I had already entered my dream or not, but I heard Nathan's voice say he loved me. I hope this was part of my dream. I'm not worthy of his love or anyone's love for that matter. Monsters can't be loved.


	6. Revolution

_"The worst is over, the monsters in my head are scared of love"_

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The shuffle of covers left my body feeling as chilly as the night air. Why the hell did I go sleep nude, I should have thrown on a shirt or something. I need heat. I rolled over and scooted closer to the only warm area of the bed. My cold skin met the sizzling skin of a male body so that we were spooning with me holding him.

"Holy shit you're cold!" His cry only tempted me to scoot closer to Nathan's body. I don't want to face the day yet, it's too early to be up. I can feel the rising rays of sun peaking through his blinds on my skin. "Keep you're fucking hands to yourself you cold-blooded snake." Nathan protested me holding onto to him, but he made no effort to remove my hands from his stomach and chest. Why is he losing so much weight and why did he compare me to a snake?

As I snuggled up to him I smelled the morning-after-sex smell on him. I suppose this smell is better than his usual smell of drugs and alcohol that always seem to be eternally permeating from him. Last night was hard-core. Nathan essentially gave me lip service and it fucked me up bad. My legs feel incredibly sore and so do my hips. He wasn't even rough with me and I still feel tender, this weak piece of shit body.

"What made you do that to me last night?" I opened my bleary brown eyes to see Nathan's peaceful expression as he texted. I lifted my chin up onto his shoulder to see who he's texting this early in the morn. He's texting Victoria Chase. I quickly lose interest in reading their bitch fest over Max Caulfield. Who has the energy to be complaining at this hour?

He twisted his head to turn his storm eyes on me. I made sure to keep my mouth away from his nose, I can taste how bad my breath is. "Do what Clarissa? Be specific." His smile got more deviant as he set the phone down to wait for his best friend's text. My blank look drew out a snigger from him. He placed his hand over mine on his stomach and started tapping his finger on it.

I involuntarily rolled my eyes. He can be such a child sometimes. "Why the sudden interest in oral play?" My voice sounds so awful and croaky. I should go clean up, but my aching body is telling me no. This is why I shouldn't have sex on a school night.

"I heard from Hayden that it makes chicks go wild." His fingers continued tapping some beat I don't know. "It sure as fuck turned you out."

"Don't be vulgar." I pinched his stomach in retaliation for his lewd comment. Hayden the king of harems would of course share all kinds of dirty tips with Nathan. I wouldn't be surprised if Nathan's kinkier fetishes come from Hayden as well.

His voice lowered to a deep baritone. "You almost broke my goddam neck with your thighs when you came. Shit, if I knew you'd get so turned on by a little tongue I'd have done it sooner." I pinched him harder and was pleased to hear his grunt of pain. I don't like him making a joke of this when last night felt more significant than our other times together. It really felt like we had affection opposed to lust. I felt open with him…

"Screw you Nathan. By my count you've climaxed more than I have you dick. And I've told a million times you still have to use a condom even though I take those shots." I rolled off to the side and silently fumed. People are sleeping so it isn't wise to get into a screaming match with this prick. I'm not in a cuddly mood anymore. Does he have to be a constant dick, why can't he be a normal boyfriend for five seconds. "I'm going back to sleep. Wake me when it's 5:30 since you're up texting Victoria." I yanked the blanket back over me like armor. Reality check for me, sex is always just sex to guys. Why do I even let this stupid fucking boy get to me like this? What is wrong with me?

"Come on why should I waste time with those flimsy fucking condoms when I pay for your birth control. That latex shit doesn't feel as good as going bare does." Nathan's tone shifted to a slightly more apologetic one as he concluded his mini rant. He patted where he assumed my head was. "Don't get so uptight Ris. You know I'm just fucking with you baby." He pulled the blanket slightly off me and slipped under. I allowed him to pull me back into his chest, leaving us spooning like before with him being the one holding me this time.

I don't know if I'm disgusted or proud that Nathan has an erection pressing against my backside. How can he be aroused when my hair is fucked up, I smell like intercourse, and my face is a dried up mess? Nathan uncrossed my arms and let his hands massage their way over me while his tongue trailed over my shoulder. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"It was cute and erotic as fuck hearing you moaning for me. And damn did it feel good." No, no, no. I'm not letting him have another round at me. I feel gross and weak and he can see all that in the sunlight.

"You're fucking relentless." I wrestled his hand away from my tender chest, they still hurt from the previous groping. "I'm not in the mood for another rough fuck from you." I ignored the burning in my lower regions that was demanding I let Nathan cool the flame he started.

"I didn't fuck you last night Clarissa." Nathan's voice sounded wounded, like I had slapped him. He pulled me closer in like he wanted to make us one whole being. "I made love to you like I said I would. If I was rough you should have something…I would have stopped…I don't want this to be like how it was in the beginning...Not anymore."

I was silent for a bit before I answered him. "Nathan do you really mean that?…I'm not just some girl you fuck when you're frustrated?" My words were so quiet I hadn't realized I'd even said them out loud. Why am I saying this, what does it matter?

"Fuck no you aren't. I know I was a real asshole to you at first and still am…Jesus I hurt you…S-Shit…." Nathan's hand started twitching, but he kept his arms curled around my waist. "I-I…I fucking care about you Clarissa…I can't say the words Ris, but I can show you." His nervous rambling cooled my vexation. A better, happier part of me is thrilled to know that there is something real between us, but the realistic part reminds me that I can't allow myself to be too strongly attached to Nathan.

"Stop." I covered his shaking hands with mine. He hasn't taken his medication. "It's fine Nate, I understand…I want to go back to sleep." I closed my eyes. I'm so not ready to deal with life. Let me just sink back into the abyss of dreams for a few more hours before I face the music of another day of high school. Blackwell is not what it's cut out to be.

"Fine, I'll wake you up at 5:30, but you better not give me attitude when I do."

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"Clarissa it's time to blow out your candles." Big hands dropped onto my shoulders to give them a tender squeeze. Everything in the room looks big to me. The table I'm sitting at has a bunch of pillows in my chair so I can lean on the table. I'm in a old kitchen that's been decorated with birthday decorations and presents. I know this kitchen, it's from our apartment in Chicago.

"Let's go baby girl, blow out the candles before they melt." The big hands on my shoulders nudged me forward. The pretty chocolate cake sitting in front of me has my name spelled on it in white frosting. At the man's command I lean in and blow out the five candles.

"Good job Clarissa." Loud clapping follows his cheering. I looked back into daddy's happy brown eyes. He looks younger and less tense even with his shaggier hair and beard. This is before he got involved in the fame and money of being Mark Jefferson. He brightly smiled at me and took his camera from its place around his neck and brought up to his eyes. I instinctively smiled despite missing a few teeth as the camera flashes.

"That's a good girl. Claudia would have been so proud to see you." He snapped a few more pictures before he planted a big kiss on top of my head. I giggled at his abundant enthusiasm and affection. I wish mommy was here too, but she isn't and I'm happy with having daddy around.

He started cutting the cake and his lips moved to form words, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. Another voice superseded his voice and called out to me, pulling me further and further from the dream as it got blacker.

"Hey Clarissa get up. You gotta get up now." As I became more conscious the shaking got rougher. "Quit fucking around!" The blanket that was covering me was ripped off, subjecting me to a swift chill. I shivered from the cold and rolled away from the hand that landed on my shoulder. I don't want to wake up, I want to go back to dreaming. I miss our lives in Chicago.

"Get your motherfucking ass up!" This time the hand violently pulled me onto my back. I blearily opened my eyes to Nathan's irked stance.

"Alright, alright. I'm up you asshole." I smacked Nathan's hand off me. I know I'm being a grump like grumpy the dwarf, but this is the worst fucking way to wake up. I groggily sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I managed to sleep for a few hours, but I still feel as disgusting and weak as before.

"About damn time. I've been trying to wake you up for ten minutes straight you fucking zombie." Nathan crossed his arms and expectantly looked at me. Those scratch marks on his face look worse in the light. I see that he's been awake long enough to shower and dress himself in his standard red jacket, blazer, and jeans. His room has even been neatly cleaned with the candles put away and his window cracked open. I know where the chilly air came from now. This room is back to being it's typical black and grey self in all it's synthetic glory.

"Leave me alone. You know I hate mornings." I stretched my arms wincing from the pain. I need an Advil to make this bearable. I'm sure I'll find some in Nathan's drawer along with all his other drugs he sells.

He whistled from the show of nudity before him. "Nice view Ris. Now hurry up so you can shower before the whole dorm wakes up." He walked over to his closet and pulled out an old t-shirt before he tossed it at my face and told me to put it on. I mildly glared at him as I pulled the oversized t-shirt down on me. He tossed some more clothes at me that upon further inspection revealed they were a black dress of mine I had been looking for and some purple panties. I didn't realize I had left things in his room too, or knowing how boys operate Nathan swiped the underwear when I wasn't looking. I don't know why a guy would be interested keeping a girl's underwear, I have no desire to keep Nathan's boxers in my room.

"What time is it." I folded the dress up and put the underwear on top, I can wear my bra from last night again.

"It's 5:20 so get moving. I don't want any of those dickheads looking at what's mine." Nathan shoved some of his bathroom supplies on top of my pile. He's being such a gentleman. I looked at some of the bottles, they were Nathan's usual brand of sea scented soap and high end shampoo and conditioner. I'm so glad he doesn't axe body wash or cologne, I can't stand the smell of that brand. He even still has my pack of disposable toothbrushes. Exactly how much stuff do I end up leaving in his room?

"Aren't you a great boyfriend defending what's yours." I moodily stood up with everything and waited by his door for him to open it for me. I really don't want to go to class today, I'd rather play sick and lay in bed all day.

Nathan lastly grabbed a towel and slapped it on his shoulder before he opened the door for me and walked out ahead of me to make sure no one was out to see me. At this time most of the boys would still be asleep until six and that's when the morning rush would typically begin. I avoided rolls of tissue as I followed Nathan to the showers. Why do the boys have to be so uncaring of the sanitation of their dorm? I couldn't stand living here with the graffiti, garbage, and smells of testosterone. When we arrived to our destination Nathan lounged against the door so anyone coming inside would have a hard time pushing the door open.

"Don't take forever. You got fifteen minutes and then I'm dragging you out." He shifted his eyes from me to the door waiting for any signs of anyone coming. I set my clothes down first before I took his shirt off and threw it at him hoping it'd hit him the face. Unfortunately I'm not the most athletic person so the shirt fell short of its target. Nathan managed to catch the shirt before it hit the ground. He folded the shirt over his arm and looked me up and down. I have no shame being naked around Nathan and he doesn't have a problem with that at all.

"Don't try to make excuses for you to come into the shower with me." I ignored his heated gaze as I began brushing my teeth. With only fifteen minutes I'll have to be quick about cleaning up.

"I don't need an excuse to fool around with my girl." His composed answer went in one ear and out the other. Nathan has no problem thinking of me as his property. I spit the toothpaste out and walked over to the shower. "Besides I did a pretty good job on you already. I don't think you're ready for round two."

I laughed at him. He did a bang up job seeing as my body is aching so bad. Looking down I see bruises have already formed on my hips and thighs. Some of my morning grumpiness and aches faded as the lukewarm water cascaded down on my hair and skin. I scrub a bit more gently with the soap in consideration of my body's pain. It's my chest that surprisingly hurts the most. The tedium of cleaning up made the time go by.

"Come on Clarissa." Nathan's impatient shout prompted me to rinse out the conditioner and turn off the shower. I stepped out to find Nathan right outside the shower holding a towel out to me. I gratefully took it from him and dried off.

"Why did you end up coming over last night? Weren't you with your cheerleader friend?" Nathan went back to his post by the door after I started putting my undergarments on.

"I was and then she ended up having her boyfriend over." I slipped into the dress and pulled it up hoping I could still fit it, it's a stretch dress so it shouldn't look too bad if it's too small. "I didn't feel like participating in a threesome so I left." The dress is pretty enough, but this dark black makes me look like I'm going to a funeral or something. Satisfied that the dress fit nicely I moved on to my hair next.

"So I was your next choice. Don't I feel fucking special." Nathan pulled his phone out to work on texting someone. It must be Victoria again, he was texting her at the crack of dawn for whatever reason.

"Aw." I cooed at him. "Don't be jealous Nate." I decided to put my hair into a messy, wet, bun for the time being. I'll fix it when I get back to Dana's room I still need to blow dry and straighten it in order for it to look presentable.

"Fuck off, I'm not jealous about your girl crush on cheer bitch. I'm all for it if it ends up with you two making out in front of me." He snickered at his deviant idea as he clicked away on his phone.

I nearly choked on my own spit. "How stereotypically piggish of you. Like I'd let you engage in any erotic activities with another girl, particularly my best friend." I angrily stared at Nathan.

"Damn. Don't go bringing that bullshit up." He dejectedly looked away instead of subjecting me to an outraged rant like he had in the past. "I fucked up alright." This time he bitterly shoved his phone in his pocket like he was shoving his guilt away.

"Whatthefuckever, the past is in the past man whore." I dismissed his sudden funk. He and I weren't always at a good place in our relationship. We had a rough start and Rachel Amber didn't help make it better. Nathan apologized to me for his transgression with the social-climbing whore, but it still burns me up knowing he cheated on me with her. Fucking Rachel Amber, she almost took everything from me.

"Don't go stealing my fucking catchphrase." He warily observed me approach him like a predator.

"I can steal anything I want from you Nathan Prescott." When I reached him I stood up to his height to peck his lips to remind him that I'm the one he's with. No other whore at this school is going to slut Nathan away from me. I almost sound like Victoria, no wonder she got extremely vindictive with Juliet about Zachary.

"You look and sound too much like Jefferson especially without those geek glasses." Nathan stepped forward to have me take a step back so he could open the door. I'm not sure if that unnerves him or turns him on, it's hard to tell with Nathan's fluctuating emotions. He's more bipolar than I am.

We both left the showers and went back to Nathan's horror-movie-looking room. First thing I did was take some pain killers out of his drawer and pop the pills in my mouth. I swallowed them disliking the feeling of taking pills. I went over to the couch to find my phone after the pills settled in my stomach while Nathan sat himself at his computer to work on some animal photo. It'll be six in ten minutes. I went ahead and folded my pajamas up, wishing I had brought my bag with me. My nose twitched when I sniffed the lingerie, they smell like nighttime fun. I can't take these back with me. "Nathan can you wash these when you get the chance?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just throw your shit in the basket." I got up and did as he suggested. Nathan's laundry basket is the only dirty part of his room. He keeps this room spotless like a maniac and gets prissy if I mess it up. Nathan must have woken up and had a mini meltdown from the clothes randomly about and his tangled bedspread. Feeling slightly guilty for my attack on him, I replaced his bedsheets with a spare comforter from his closet.

"Why do you always hum Beethoven?" Nathan halted his photoshop project on the computer giving me a strange look. I studied him for a moment before I decided to share a personal memory with him.

"Ode to Joy is the first song I played for Daddy after I learned to play the violin." I smoothed out the creases in his bed. There, his room is back to being spotlessly clean. "Daddy was proud of me enough to take a picture to commemorate my achievement. I even played that song at my recital….I didn't win though some other genius boy won with his saxophone. Classical music never beats jazz in Chicago." I wistfully played with my locket. I remember how thrilled I was when he smiled behind his lens. I felt special being his model when he normally took pictures of beautiful women in exotic outfits or no clothes at all. Dad said I was the perfect subject to photograph, that was back when he enjoyed using his camera.

"Do you still play?" Nathan's honest curiosity threw me for a loop. I was expecting him to make fun of me for starving for my dad's attention. Rather than admit that he strives for the same thing Nathan is more inclined to berate me for trying to always impress my father, why try to impress someone you're going to disappoint as he would say.

"Yes, but I'm no master at it. There are plenty of other students in my music class that are better than me." I thought of Kate Marsh as I sat down on the bed, she helped me out in class with the more difficult pieces I struggled with. Don't think about her. "It's more of a hobby than a talent."

"I get that." Nathan completely turned toward me. He looks very open and sincere. "I know how to play the piano." His admission was followed up with a small quirk of his lips. His posture loosened up and he slouched back in the chair. He must be reminiscing about a good memory like I was.

"I didn't know that. What do you like to play?" I smiled from the easy conversation we have going. It's rare that Nathan and I get the chance to talk to regular kids, if we aren't getting ready to rip each others throats out then we're sulking over the latest misdeed we got ourselves tangled in. It should have been obvious to me that Nathan would have a talent for music, rich kids tend to be multi-faceted people.

"Classical I guess. My dad didn't think any other type was worth learning so it's all I know. He made me learn a lot of Beethoven and Chopin." Nathan's visage brightened like a child. "My dad's actually the one who taught me play." That's certainly a shock factor.

"I didn't think Sean Prescott would be a fan of the fine arts…He hates doing things that are a waste of time or money." My mood dropped thinking about Nathan's father. Mr. Prescott is a man of business that makes no time for games. That manipulative bastard is the reason…

Nathan's mocking laugh interrupted my dark thoughts. "You're right about the wasting time part…He eventually got tired of teaching me, but he kept making me go to piano lessons with a new instructor. The fucking asshole wanted me to become 'cultured' on my own time since I wasn't learning shit from him." Just like that, Nathan went from being absorbed in a happy memory to cursing his present misfortune. It's sad how life can corrupt people over time. His hands began quivering as he got more and more riled up thinking of his father.

"Nate let me give you some advice." I scooted over so I was closer to him and sympathetically enclosed his hands in mine to stop his shaking. "Setting aside my personal dislike for your father, I don't think you should let your few good memories of him be ruined by millions of bad memories of him." I peered into his bright sea eyes with my brown earthy ones. "I understand what it's like to hold on to the hope that your dad will look at you like you're his pride and joy again." The words I spoke to Nathan were words that I tried to live by. Dad's actions over the years have caused me pain and as we become more caught in this web of lies and danger, I find myself losing sight of my father is becoming.

"This is becoming depressing as fuck…Let's quit talking about the people who spawned us." His forehead fell on top of our connected hands. Feeling his depression as my own, I planted kiss after kiss on top his soft brown hair to try to soothe him. If Nathan can't work past his problems how the hell will I ever work past my own demons.

Our melancholic atmosphere ended as the lid noises of doors slamming and shouts filled the hallways. The rest of the dorm is up and getting ready for the day. That's my cue to leave then.

"I'll see you later in class Nate." I nudged him off my hands. "Make sure you finish your homework procrastinator. I'm not letting you copy my work this time." I kissed his nose and let go of his hands, happy to see that his shaking stopped.

"That's what the fuck I was doing." Nathan cutely wrinkled his nose. "Not that it matters. Those shit-eating sellouts won't grade it. They'll put it in a pile and give me an A for effort. They'd do that even if I didn't do the work." He swiveled back to his computer. I do and don't feel for Nathan in this instance, on one hand he doesn't have to do any school work so one less thing for him to worry about, on the other hand nobody will acknowledge that Nathan is capable of achieving a high GPA on his own. Math and photography happen to be his strongest subjects. The photography is a given considering my dad took Nathan under his wing and nurtured his talent.

"You never know your studies might pay off. Maybe your father will let you go to college somewhere far from here."

"My dad only has one plan for me and that's to fulfill the Prescott destiny….Whateverthefuck that means to him."

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The Prescott destiny. Whatever Sean Prescott expects from Nathan can't be good and I expect it has something to do with the power to control time. Yet, Nathan doesn't have that power, his gift lets him see more than he should.

"Clarissa come here I have some juicy news for you." Juliet's bouncy voice startled me. I closed the door to the second floor of the girl's dorm and walked over to the campus reporter at her insistence. It's just as vibrant with noise as the boy's dorm, only here I smell perfumes and see girls chatting. This dorm is refreshingly different from the filthy drug-covered and sweaty boy's living space.

"What's up Jules?" I accepted Juliet's one-armed hug as I stood next to her. Her hug was a cover for her to lean in and share a secret with me.

"I totally heard Dana doing the do last night. I thought I was the freak, but Dana and Trevor put me and Zachary to shame." Juliet broke into tiny giggles. Well I know for sure now that Dana slept with Trevor. That skater punk better turn out to be a better boyfriend than Logan was or I'll find him and break his skateboard.

"Wow girl I didn't know you were a voyeur. No wonder you want to be a reporter. It gives you an excuse to get up close and personal with your research." Juliet turned a healthy shade of red from the insinuation.

"Well if they don't want anyone listening they shouldn't be so damn loud." She winked to show she wasn't offended by the accusation. I wouldn't expect Juliet to be the type to get embarrassed easily considering she's the most sexually advanced out our trio of myself, Dana, and her. After all she's got no problem sending provocative pictures to her boyfriend, not to mention all those books on sex she has in her room.

"You're a perv Juliet Watson." We separated as Brooke walked by us and told us to get a room. I ignored Brooke since she has a strong dislike for me because I hang out with Warren more than she does. It's not my fault she's been friend-zoned by the mad scientist. I don't think Warren for go her anyway, Brooke is too petty over stupid stuff and quick to change herself to appeal to Warren. Why bother being with someone who isn't going to be their true self with you? "Did you sort that mess out with Zachary?"

Juliet's cheerful expression soured at the mention of her boyfriend. She crossed her arms and glared off into space as if Zachary were standing next to her. "He''s such a fucking wuss. He said it was all a game. Well I'm going to show him how to play a real game. He's going to be begging for my forgiveness for a long time. And that skank Victoria is going to find her name in a nasty article." Juliet's nostrils flared as she rehashed her drama. This girl has a temper that could rival Nathan's. I was astonished to see her cussing Dana out over a boy.

"Your previous article about the Vortex Club is what got you into trouble with her in the first place. Not to mention you started dating her ex." I crossed my legs and pressed my shoulder up against the wall. I felt a slight ache between my legs for the motion, but I disregarded it, the painkillers should last me for the rest of my classes. I'm all for Juliet putting Victoria in her place, but she's needs to learn to be subtle about things. I scratched my drying head in irritation. I really need to do my hair, but Dana's door is still shut which means Trevor is inside.

"I'm not afraid of that pretentious bitch or her flunkies." She puffed herself up as if looking tough would make her feel tough. We both know Juliet isn't going to do anything to the queen bee. Her place in the Vortex Club would be given to someone else and Juliet would end up being maliciously hazed for the rest of time in Blackwell. It's not smart for regular kids like and myself to fuck with rich kids like Chase and Prescott who have parents that could buy out the school with ease. Money can make anything happen and here in this town a few dollar bills can make people disappear without a trace.

"I warned you Juliet. It's your funeral if you piss off Victoria Chase." Juliet's face crumpled up for a moment before she perked back up. I scratched at my head again, wishing Trevor would leave already so I could do my hair.

"Clarissa?" I tilted my head at Juliet prompting her to god on when I turned back to her. "You're not going to class with your hair like that are you? I mean, the messy bun look is cool and all, but if you're going to wear a nice you can't top it off with that hairstyle." She gave my darkened auburn hair a sceptic look. If Juliet thinks I look a mess than dad will definitely be irked if I show up to class looking like this. Someone as professional as Mark Jefferson would be appealed to have his daughter show up to school looking like a raggedy hipster.

"Gawd no. I thought I could bum a blow dryer off Dana and fix myself up. But that plan has been put on hold." Just my luck that Dana would sleep in when I needed to get into her room.

"If you want Clarissa I can do some magic on that hair for you." Juliet playfully motioned to her door to get my attention. She's been trying to get her hands on my hair ever since we became friends just because it goes past my shoulders. Juliet has thing for experimenting with hairstyles she finds in magazines. Juliet's off the side bun is her hairstyle for the week.

"You know what, I'll take you up on that offer. I can't go to class looking like this." I passed a grateful smile to Juliet before I switched my look to a more serious one. "Don't try anything funny with my hair. Save your trial and error methods for your own Juliet."

Juliet chuckled and walked off to her room with me following her lead. "Got damn honey, you have no faith in me. I'm a total fashion guru which means I know the best hairstyles. Take mine for example." She flicked her bang to the side. If this were a tv show she'd have sparkles floating around her while she moved in slow motion. "It's the shit ." I snorted from her conceited flare.

"Now take a seat and let Ms. Juliet work." She ushered me into the chair in front of her vanity. Juliet busied herself with turning on the flat iron to heat up while she pulled out other products she would need. I sat back and let her take over. Juliet sprayed some seen mist on my hair and pulled it out of its bun.

"Did you see the picture Max posted of Victoria yesterday?" She raked a brush throughout my hair in gentle strokes.

"Wow, Selfie Max posted a picture of someone other than herself? What did the picture look like?" I idly picked at my nails feeling immensely calm from the scratching and pulling of the brush. I didn't think this would be as tranquil as it is. The only person who's ever done my hair besides my stylist is dad and he stopped doing my hair after I started middle school. He eventually got really good at braiding since he found blow drying and straightening too tedious and tiresome to continue doing on a daily basis.

"Max got a shot of the queen bitch covered in paint looking like the miserable loser she is." Juliet finished brushing my hair and then reached into her pocket to pull out her phone. It only took a few seconds for her to find the post and shove her phone in my face. The proximity of the phone made my eyes go cross-eyed to view the image.

"That paint must have been a bitch to clean up." I tilted my head back to study the sight of Victoria slumped against the steps trying to hide her face from the camera. The specks of white were smeared all over her black sweater making Victoria look like some revise dalmatian. I have to give Max her props for doing something so petulant, I would have thought that do-gooder Maxine would take the high road.

"Ms. Chase has the money to buy another whole new outfit." Juliet took her phone back. "But Victoria did also post a picture of Max too, but her photograph isn't that interesting. No wonder Mr. Jefferson doesn't give a shit about her artwork." Juliet speedily shoved the phone back in my face so I could look at another photo. This time I studied a quick shot of Max looking utterly uncomfortable as she sent daggers through her eyes at the camera. Max's image is a strange shot of her morphing from a timid wallflower to a rebellious trouble maker. What a moment of change this shot managed to catch.

"Hipster Bitch. That's so unoriginal Victoria." I settled back as Juliet took her phone back for the second time. I could almost laugh at these petty little games I see the students playing. "Max is showing her claws now, but is ready to tumble with the big cats?"

"I know right? Max is like a fly on the wall. She never got involved with anyone because she was too busy hiding behind her camera lens….I didn't think she knew my last name but she did…It's like she's coming out of her shell." Juliet grabbed the blow dryer and turned it on high heat and started combing thought my locks. "Victoria is going to be all over her ass which takes her evil eye off me."

Juliet talked about rival things over the loud whirring of hot air as she expertly went through my damp tresses till they were finely straight. The whole process took about thirty minutes. Our conversation turned to the upcoming game and how excited Juliet was for it, she planned on writing another article focusing on the football players. Juliet is a better source of relevant info around the school unlike Queen Chase who filled my ears with scandalous lies meant to ruin all the other student's reputations yesterday. Victoria has an extreme sense of competition. Juliet switched from the blow dryer to the flat iron to add some wavy curls to add some flare.

"And now you look hot." Juliet moved the waves around so they curled around my cheeks making my brown eyes look lighter. "You look mature with contacts girl, you should ditch those dorky glasses permanently." She pressed her cheek against mine and cheerfully smiled into the mirror. I returned her smile with a secretive one. I'm still pissed I can't remember where I left them, but ultimately I don't need them to see. Glasses are a good cover that make me look less intimidating and I only need them to read when my eyes start hurting. Dad on the other hand actually needs his glasses. His eyes have gone bad due to the strain of using his gifts.

"Thanks Jules for doing my hair. Maybe I'll let you try another style some day." I fluffed the curling waves once more before I stood up.

"Don't mention it, that's what friends are for." Juliet winked and went in for another hug, but her loud ringtone stopped her mid-hug.

Her face scrunched up as she saw the caller id. "It's Zach."

"I'll give you some privacy." I patted her shoulder to show my support. Boy trouble is bad trouble. Juliet weakly smiled and hit the accept button. I left her room before I overheard anything private. If Juliet wants to talk to me then she can come find me. I may like getting dirt on people for the sake of blackmail, but touchy-feely teen romance isn't something I need more information on.

Now that my hair is fixed I can head out for school. I don't want to bother Dana and I certainly don't want to stick around this dorm in case Victoria or her flunkies spot me. Let's check the time on my phone. It's 7:40, dad should be on his way to Blackwell to set up for his classes. IT sucks that he has to report in so early even though his first class doesn't start until nine. Nathan told me he's going to meet up with Frank to restock on his supplies so I can kill time by helping dad organize papers until history class begins at eleven. Shame that Ms. Hoida is still on sick leave. When is Principal Wells going to find a replacement for English AP. I should stop by the cafeteria too and get us something to eat.

Satisfied with my plan I propped my foot against the wall. _"Morning Daddy. Do you need any help organizing papers or setting up? I know your assistant isn't going to be much help at this time."_ I hit the send button in the text chat.

Kate is still locked in her room crying her eyes out. The bullying is getting worse for her. I saw _will bang for jesus_ on her slate board when I stopped by the other day though the slate has been replaced with a peace sign. She's also been skipping most of her classes except for photography when that's the one class she needs to stay away from. It won't be long before she's pushed over the edge and then I'll have to convince her to leave town. That will be the end of her binder.

"Umm Clarissa…" Someone's mumbling spurred me to shoot them an annoyed look as I glanced up. The mumbling offender was none other than Max Caulfield and she's standing in front of me in the most ridiculous pajamas I've seen since I was five. I mean really, who the fuck wears little chicken pjs at eighteen?

"Oh hey Max." I fought the urge to maliciously laugh. Maxine has a way of bringing out nasty emotions from me that she really doesn't deserve, but I just don't like her. I set aside my ill thoughts and tried a friendlier approach with her.

"I've been meaning to apologize to you for Nathan's behavior yesterday…He's getting a lot of pressure from his father and he's not handling it well. I know that doesn't excuse his violence, but I thought you should know." I put the phone up to focus on Max. I'd like to get my proof of her powers already so I know if she's going to be a threat. I don't want to pass her name on and it turns out she's not the one I'm looking for. I may not like her, but I won't make her suffer through the dark room without cause.

"It's hard to prove he's not a villain when he gets out of hand like that and there isn't much I can do to stop his episodes….I try though." I adopted a more nervous and guilty look to appeal to Max's bleeding heart. She may not like to get involved with people, but Max doesn't disregard people who confide in her.

Max hesitantly quirked her lips up in a smile. "You're really amazing if you can look past his faults and still like him…But don't apologize for him. Nathan Prescott is the one who needs to say sorry for all the trouble he causes, you're not to blame for his attitude." Max fidgeted and looked away. Her Aspergers makes it slightly difficult to talk to her. "One of these days he's going to get what's coming to him." She muttered the last part under her breath, but I still caught it. Max has a real vendetta against Nathan and for what, it's not like Nathan held her at gunpoint. If anything Max has earned Nathan's ire by broadcasting his possession of a weapon to the principal. An accusation like that is enough to get Mr. Prescott on the phone and that's not a good thing.

"I still feel bad for not being able to stop him. You could have gotten hurt…Not that I think Nathan would have done anything serious like he did to Warren." Thinking of Warren minimally depressed me. He's basically unfriended me. Warren hasn't responded to a single of my texts and he usually replies instantaneously. He may not have said so to me in the parking lot, but I think I may have lost Warren as a companion after that beat down.

"Poor Warren. He's been blowing up my non-stop and he even sent me a picture of his black-eye…I feel bad he took that hit for me, but it's gotten awkward talking to him." Max's testiness with Warren's persistence rubbed me the wrong way. If she'd stop beating around the bush and just tell Warren that she doesn't like him romantically then she wouldn't have to deal with an attention seeking boy. Plus that bit of info rubs salt in my metaphorical wounds. So the mad scientist has no problem texting Max who doesn't give a flying fuck, yet he can't be bothered to respond to my actual apologies and overtures of friendship.

"Wait…I'm getting sidetracked." Max shook her head as if that would rid her mind of unnecessary thoughts. "I found your glasses and wanted to give them back to you."

"My glasses?" That caught me off guard. Confusion rolled off me in waves. How would Max come across them, I don't even remember where I left them. Also we didn't have any classes together the other day.

"Yeah they're in my room. I was getting ready to head out for breakfast and then I saw you and thought I'd better give them back now while I remember." Max brightened up after recalling her original goal for approaching me.

"Well if you have them I'd love to get them back. I've been going crazy wondering where they disappeared to." I trekked behind Max's awful chicken shirt and randomly wondered how many dorm rooms I'd get to see in a day. Max's room, however is one I haven't had the pleasure of being invited into. I wonder if her room is as boring as her personality.

I checked my phone after I felt the familiar vibration as I waited for Max to open her door. I have two new messages. I clicked on the message from dad first, not paying too much attention to my surroundings.

" _That would be very helpful. It's nice having such a thoughtful daughter. I've got plenty of projects you can help me sort through and grade. Meet me at my classroom and I'll unlock the door."_ I was going to respond to his text message and check the other one from Nathan were it not for Max's cry.

"No fucking way!" Her voice sounded heartbroken. I glanced up to see what the problem was, only for my eyes to be drawn to the threatening writing on her wall.

_NOBODY MESSES WITH ME BITCH_

Giant red spray paint covered what appeared to be a photo collage, or it was a collage before it was disorderly arranged and vandalized. I'm guessing this is Nathan's way of scaring Max into submission. I can tell it's his work from the dead animal imagery he used in the manipulated photograph on Max's bed. A picture of Max's severed head and the head of an animal on a platter isn't very creative and yet it accomplishes its purpose of disturbing the viewer. Nathan's unhealthy obsession with death speaks volumes about his fragile mental state. I have severe issues with depression and yet I don't take unsettling pictures in fact I steer clear of any form of deceased subjects.

_CRAPPY ARTIST FILTHY WHORE_

On the other side I found more graffiti. Max's mirror had been marred with bright red lipstick. To top off the prank, most of Max's stuff had been tossed onto the floor and savagely ruined. I know Nathan is to blame for the collage and if he connected to this than he more than likely had his best buds assistance. Victoria had to have put Nathan up to this, tagging stuff is more of a Chase thing and Juliet did tell me Max crossed Victoria by posting that picture. I guess I know what Nathan and Victoria were texting about all this morning now.

"My gosh Max you're fucking with the wrong people. Maybe you should step off." I didn't try to comfort the disheartened doe. If she had stuck to the status-quo of not messing with the popular kids and learned to mind her own business then she wouldn't be suffering this brutish level of hazing. Ratting Nathan out to Principal Wells was the wrong move. If she can snitch about a gun to the principal then what else could she snitch about. That punk misfit she drove off with could have told anything incriminating about Nathan and Max would eat it up.

"This is not why I came to Blackwell. I came here to learn not deal with bullies…And I still have to clean all this crap up?" Max stressfully looked around her to figure out where she should start cleaning.

"Of course Maxine. You like every other eager kid that applied came to Blackwell for the sole purpose of acquiring prestige not realizing that the school is a place of danger disguised as fortune." I know the real reason she came here was for dad and it's for that very reason Sean Prescott wants to have him here so that Mark Jefferson can attract young minds to the academy. The students are come here like moths attracted to the flames. I picked up the photoshopped image Nathan created wanting to tear the dismal black and white picture up.

"Max…Never Maxine." She repeated those words like they were a motto she lived by. Max was too caught up in reminding me of her preferred nickname that she didn't heed the ominous warning I generously gave her. The absent-minded girl preoccupied herself with cleaning the things on floor as her first task. "What're you talking anyway? That sounds like something out of a fortune cookie." Max peered at me with her bright sky-blue eyes. For a moment I understood dad's fascination with her. It's like Max is still seeing the world in color with all its glory while I can't discern the colors, everything looks grimy and revolting to my eyes. Those trusting, innocent eyes are going to get her into trouble.

"Sorry was I too obvious? I don't want to crush you're expectations of the school year so soon." I returned her inquisitive look with a knowing smile. I handed the photo over to her when she asked for it so she could hide it away. She may look harmless, but that facade isn't going to fool me. If she keeps bothering Nathan and stressing him out then she's going to end up being the next one with a needle in her neck trapped in the dark room. Powers or not, like dad said we can't afford to have anymore mistakes throw a wrench in plans already set in motion. I hope for your sake Max, that you don't have the ability to rewind time otherwise the name Maxine Caulfield will end up on the missing persons list similar to Rachel Amber.


	7. Until We Go Down

Chapter 7

_"And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake"_

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“Damn, how am I supposed to find anything in this mess.” Max dejectedly tossed miscellaneous items on her floor into a box to make the clean-up easier. I see a guitar by her couch. Another secret musical talent at Blackwell. Why don’t either Nathan or her take music classes? Showing an aptitude for other hobbies and clubs makes a student look more appealing to colleges or any potential employers.

“Max I’m sorry Nathan vandalized your wall like this. He destroyed a good piece of artwork you created here on the wall…I don’t know why he’d do something like this to you.” I touched the graffiti to see if it was still wet and could be removed. This is going to cost the school money to clean, which means Mr. Prescott will be involved, if he’s not already from Max’s gun report on Nathan.

“Nathan’s revenge on me for telling on him. Even Chloe told me not to go to the Principal..You’re boyfriend is a real dick, you should stay away from him.” Max’s movements became aggressive as she shoved into the box. Perhaps Max is imagining she’s punching the king and queen of Blackwell in the face each time she slams something in that box.

“Staying away from him defeats the purpose of going out Max…I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but Nathan has some serious problems in his life and I’m not going to just abandon him because he’s acting out. I’ll talk to him about this.”

“Yeah cause talking does real good for him.” I resisted the urge to slap Max in the back of her empty head for the oozing level of sarcasm. Her anger is justified and a more virtuous person would have chosen to head her advice, but I’m not that person. I don’t give a fuck about Max and I’m getting fed up with her spurs of courage that makes her think it’s okay to talk bad about Nathan in front of me.

“Max please, let’s not fight…What’re you looking for besides my glasses? Maybe I can help you find it., it’s the least I can do for you.” I kneeled beside Max to help her pick up the scattered items. It’s best if I keep my hands occupied with cleaning to prevent me from slipping out of character and hitting her.  
A lot of these papers have dismal grades of “C’s” and “D’s”. What a waste of s scholarship. There are over thousands of kids who apply to Blackwell on scholarship and get rejected, but Max here is making no head way academically or socially at Blackwell. I’m sure if it weren’t for dad vouching for her photography skills Principal Wells would have taken away her scholarship by now.

“You’re right, I can’t take my anger out on you. I’m looking for Kate’s book The October Country, it’s orange and white. And you don’t have to worry about your glasses I put them in my drawer.” Max turned to take the stack of papers from me and put it into the box. She blushed in mortification from my patronizing look at her letter grades. I vaguely recall offering to give her tutoring after school once her grades started dropping drastically midway through the first month of school. I’m one of the students registered as a mentor for newcomers to the school and it’s my responsibility to check on at risk students like Max and Kate.

Max stood up after grabbing a few more things and put the box away. She shuffled over to her desk and moved some things around before moving on after not finding the book. The bright array of sticky notes hanging above the desk caught my attention. Looking closer I could see they were notes on time travel.

“Why the sudden interest in time travel Max? Are you planning on building the first time machine?” I nonchalantly tugged off one of her sticky notes. “Time is like a river. This reminds me of Da Vinci’s Demons. Al-Raheem would always say that to Da Vinci.”

“O-Oh Warren got me hooked on it is all. He had a bunch movies on his flash drive about time travel, like The Butterfly Effect. His enthusiasm for things is contagious.” Max awkwardly chuckled at my scrutiny of her board of notes. She doesn’t know how to be subtle at all or she has no problem putting herself on blast not expecting anyone to think she’s doing crazy stuff. “Da Vinci’s Demons is that like a tv show? It sounds cool.”

“It is. It’s about Da Vinci’s life in Florence. It’s a good show that Warren recommend to me actually. Da Vinci comes off as a mad scientist in the show and I think Warren connected with that…Like the artista, Warren can be a little over the top most of the time, but all geniuses are eccentric.” I returned the sticky note to its place and watched Max make her way over to the couch to search for the missing book.

 “How is Kate? Did she say anything to you Max? I know she’s having a hard time…I haven’t been a great help to her either.” I looked over some more of her sticky notes and books. She put a lot of time and effort into this unlike her other projects, however no amount of research from a book or website is going to have an answer for what’s happening to her. People better and smarter than her are still looking into this and they still don’t have a definitive answer for the mysteries that come from Arcadia Bay.

“If you’re talking about that awful video that Victoria posted and had the nerve to broadcast the link in the girl’s bathroom, then no, she hasn’t mentioned it to me. I don’t want to bring it up with her if she isn’t ready to talk about it.” Max’s rant morphed into an admission of guilt while she rubbed her arm.

 “She did put me on blast for not standing up to Mr. Madsen the security guard when he was interrogating her…I was too scared to do anything but photograph him. I should have stepped in. So far I’ve only helped her by erasing that link to her video.” Max morosely put the junk she picked up back on her couch, not finding Kate’s book underneath the chaos.

“Hey it’s okay Max. We all fuck-up sometimes.” I walked over to pat her on the shoulder. It’s a constant rain of false assurances with this girl. “We can’t always be heroes and sometimes when we try to help, we really just make it worse. It’s hard being a teenager, but eventually we’ll learn the right things to do.”

“That makes me feel better. Though I can’t imagine you screwing anything up. You’re like perfect Clarissa. You’ve got some of the best grades, you’re pretty, you have an awesome dad and you’re popular with almost everyone.” Max stared at me as if I was a puzzle she couldn’t figure out. My mask is so firmly in place that she can’t even began to fathom the idea that my life has any kind of problems. Max is blinded by the Jefferson mirage.

I sighed and stepped back from her confused, idolizing, blue eyes. She makes it sound like I’m the new Rachel Amber. It makes me sick. “Honey, I’m far from perfect. I’m just as imperfectly human as you are.” If only you knew how much I struggle accepting the reality of my life. I’m dating a boy who has severe family issues along with multiple mental illnesses that he covers up with drugs and pills, I have a father that’s lost interest in life and is being blackmailed into a shady business, but he’s become so accustomed to the work that he now enjoys the dark pleasures it gives him, and finally, I’m a selfish, depressed, sex crazed teenager that enables the bad behavior of others and turns a blind eye on the murky things going on in the shadows of the town. So, yes Max my life is full of shitty problems that keep stacking on top of one another.

“For instance Max, I wasn’t the greatest friend to Kate and I said some hurtful things to her…She pissed me off with her baseless accusations and that made me hurt her feelings.” I shared a different problem with Max to make her feel like I was confiding in her as a friend. My entire demeanor shifted to being downtrodden. “I’m quickly losing friends.”

 Max jerked like she wanted to comfort me, but she remained where she was and smiled for me instead. “I don’t know the exact details of what happened but I’m positive you two will work it out…Oh shit!” Max’s version of comfort was interrupted when she jumped back from her desk. She had knocked over a cup of soda and said liquid was spreading like a virus over the desk. The soda color reminded me of that girl’s gunshot wound spilling all over me.

“Of course you just spilled soda on Kate’s book. Better fix this first. Kate needs the book and I don’t want to add to her list of problems.” Max muttered to herself while raising her hand, completely forgetting that I was present to witness her exchange with herself. Max talks to herself more than Nathan does.

I planned to offer to help her, but the words died in my throat as I felt the room shake and throb from an unknown pressure.

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I felt the sensation of my body being pulled. My ears filled with an annoying screech. The soda defied the laws of gravity and returned into its original position of being upright within the cup.  
The pulling feeling stopped as Max lowered her hand.

“Begone, foul soft drink.” Max’s playful voice brought me back into awareness. She moved the soda off to the side and successfully retrieved the book. “Aha, you sneaky book, you’re mine!”  
I feel sick. I held onto to her desk chair to steady myself for a moment. I can bile trying to creep out. Why does the rewind make me sick? When Rachel would do it I’d be fine unless she repeatedly used it around me, then my lungs would start acting up. I don’t know which is worse, the asthma or the nausea.

“Now to retrieve your glasses. They ought to be in my drawer if it didn’t get ransacked.” I placed a hand on my stomach, hoping that would marginally stop the queasiness.

“Here, they were exactly where I left them thankfully.” Max handed my blue and black framed eye menaces back to me. I straightened up and took them from her.

“Are you okay Clarissa? You look sick.” Max worriedly looked me over wondering what caused my distress. In her eyes, I should be the same as I was a few seconds ago.

“I’m fine Max.” I reassured her with a smile. I need to act normal. “Thanks for giving these back.”  
I need to see the rewind again to make sure I’m not imaging things. She’s already recklessly given me plenty of evidence of power. I removed the glasses from my nose to clean the lens off on the bottom of my dress.

“Where did you find them, if you don’t mind me asking.” I secured the glasses back on my nose. From behind the lens I can see a more magnified and clear image of her except the right lens has a small crack. The crack isn’t too noticeable, but I’ll need to get these replaced for fear of the glass chipping more than it already has.

“I randomly found them when I was in the bathroom after class.” Max went through hangars of clothes in her closet like the answer was trivial.

Let’s see if she can handle lying to my face.

“How did you find them? I didn’t go to the bathroom.” I kept my tone light as I carefully watched Max flinch from her mess up. A moment passed before she impassively raised her shoulders in the universal gesture of “I don’t know”.

“Are you sure? I picked them off the floor…Maybe I’ll just put on a shirt and jeans.” She picked out a t-shirt and jeans to put on. I could see a design of a doe on the shirt. How basic can she get? Can’t Max wear something different at least once? I swear I’ve seen her wear that same outfit more then twice in the same month. Juliet would die of a heart attack at the fashion travesty occurring in Max Caulfield’s room at this time.

“No offense Max, but you’re sense of style is plain for an art student.” I pulled back on the interrogation to make Max feel like I wasn’t taking the conversation seriously.

“Hey, Einstein had the same exact suit for every day of the week.” She defended her choice in clothes as she pulled the pants up over her shorts. Max said something else as well, but I couldn’t hear her low mumble.

“Whatever you say Max…Anyway I’m 100% sure I didn’t go to the bathroom. I ended up in the nurse’s office because of an asthma attack after that fire alarm went off.” I crossed my arms to adopt a more serious posture. People genuinely aren’t accustomed to sudden mood shifts in conversations, it makes them get clumsy when talking. The more nervous Max gets, the more likely she is to trip up in front of me.

“Well I did find them Clarissa.” Max nervously played with the t-shirt in her arms to distract herself from my piercing gaze.

“I don’t think you found them Max. We didn’t have class together and I wasn’t in the girl’s bathroom.” I slowly approached Max. “I think you somehow stole them. Is that it Max? Were you looking for an excuse to get close to me like the other girls at school?!” My approach stopped when Max fell onto her couch. A look of horror crossed her face from my abrupt fury.  
When time was rewound my glasses would have returned with to me unless they were in the possession of the person responsible for the rewind. She had to have picked them up when she was hiding in the corner. I reached up to remove the damaged the item to make direct eye contact with Max’s startled baby blues.

“C-Clarissa it’s not like that! Mr. Jefferson is just my teacher and nothing else. I would never try to take advantage of you to get to him!” Max pleadingly looked up at my towering figure. I could see her attempting to raise her arm like she did earlier. Her empty words set me off. They’re the same as what Rachel told me in the beginning and she utterly fucked me over.  
“Liar! Every last one of you fucking whores are trying to bone my father! And you all don’t think I know it.” My foot sprung up to kick at Max’s couch. I’m letting myself get too worked up over this.

The violent motion pushed Max to fully raise her arm.

ReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverse  
For the third time I was subjected to the feeling of my body’s irregular movements that I had no control over. Everything became unfocussed as time went back. Words flew out of my mouth in a backwards, garbled, splutter. My feet moved in reverse as all the actions I had taken in Max’s room were rewritten and the mess returned to how it was when we both entered her room. The rewind continued all the way back to the minute I was standing in the hallway by myself. The feeling of having no control over myself came to a screeching halt as the rewind stopped.  
I bent over from the earlier nausea returning in my stomach and the persisting tingling starting in my throat. I feel awful. I’m going to need my inhaler. The aftereffects of a rewind are taxing on me.

A glance around the hallway proved that Max was nowhere to be seen and the occupants in the hallway are continuing what they were doing before I went with Max, including myself. I looked down to see my glasses in my hand though. So items on me aren’t affected by the rewind either. I resent my text to dad again. I guess Max is going to avoid me now after I flipped on her and destroyed my perfect image in front of her. I suppose she has no reason to approach me now that I have the glasses back. I need to get a handle on myself, I actually got mad at the brat and yelled at her, that’s not something Clarissa Jefferson, the model student would do.

I heard a door open to my side. Trevor came out of Dana’s room. He’s not being discreet at all. I looked away from the skater boy to spy on Max’s door, waiting for her to come out.  
My phone vibrated, signaling the two texts I had gotten from dad and Nathan. I reopened dad’s text, skimmed it and told him I’d be there soon. I gave up waiting for Max and decided to head for Dana’s room. I need my school bagged more importantly I need my inhaler. I’m only feeling a slight irritation my throat from Max’s rewinds of a few minutes versus the full attack I suffered from her rewrite yesterday. I wonder if she just got her powers that day or if she’s had them all along?

I passed Juliet and Brooke laughing in disbelief over Kate’s video and walked into Dana’s open doorway. Max erasing that video link didn’t keep the students from seeing Kate’s video nor did her writing a peace sign on Kate’s slate do anything to really help the poor Christian girl.

“Good Morning Claire!” Dana paused her music as she saw me come in. Dana looked radically jubilant a moment ago when she was dancing around on her bed with no concern over who might see her.

“It certainly is a good morning for you. I can see Trevor made you extra happy.” I tried to cover up my persisting sickness with false cheer for the sake of my image. I spotted my bag on her couch and an unfamiliar jacket on her spare chair. I sat down on her couch to take a second to cool down while I retrieved my hated inhaler from the bag.

“OMG yes he did. Today is looking good so far. Trevor even asked me to be his date to Halloween Party.” Dana joyously spun around on her bed without managing to lose her balance. All that cheerleading practice comes in handy for her. Dana looks cute all excited and jumpy like this.  
I placed the inhaler in my mouth and pressed on the button.

“I’m so excited. We have to get together the day of the party and do a massive make-over Clarissa. I found the perfect costume too. I’m going to go in a gothic burlesque costume.”

“S-Sure Dana.” I coughed a bit from the tickle in my throat receding. Dana worriedly watched me cough, but I waved to show her it wasn’t serious.

I let Dana talk about the plans the Decoration Committee had come up with already and their next meeting this Thursday, the eleventh. I spaced out while Dana was talking to cool my head. Rachel is dead and yet she still manages to haunt me from the grave. Why did she have to fucking betray me in the worst way possible. It’s her fault I hate almost every fucking girl at this school. The stupid bitch set a precedent that every girl is trying to emulate now. Victoria is the worst offender and then that bookworm Stella is right behind Victoria on my shit list. Shits like them think it’s okay to have sex with my father cause he looks good and is famous despite the fact he’s a man who is twice their age and has a daughter, and most importantly is their teacher.

“Listen I’d love to stay and chat some more but I’ve got to head to Blackwell early to help Daddy with some things. I’ll see you later in class, alright.” I need to get out of this dorm before I lose my mind. I don’t want to upset Dana. I stood up with my bag.

Dana is in her happy bubble and is likely to talk my ear off if I stay longer. I don’t mind talking, but I need to leave so I can get something for breakfast to try to settle my stomach before I meet dad. Stomach problems and asthma are the worst.

“Okay, see you later hot stuff. I’m digging the curls by the way.” Dana winked at me before she turned her music back on to go back to her carefree dancing. She talked the entire time and not once did she notice how unhinged I am right now. Should I be proud or angry that my acting is so superb that no one notices inconsistencies with me.

Right as I headed out I literally bumped into Max. She casually greeted me and I returned her greeting with the usual upbeat cheer I present in front of everyone. I have to pretend like I’m oblivious to her altering reality. Max for her part looked a bit more on edge and ardently tried to avoid me as she shuffled past me to talk with Dana. It irritates me that Max is hanging around my friends so much. She’s using her power to win people over and its a sickening encore of the previous semester with a different leading actress.

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The buzz of my phone reminded me I hadn’t read Nathan’s text. Shit he sent the text like twenty minuets ago. The fact that he hasn’t blown my phone up with a million texts means he’s not in a rush.

_“U want the usual?”_ I forgot he went on a drug run. We ought to be texting from the disposable phones, but as long as we keep it vague there’s isn’t much of a problem. Were Madsen or anybody else able to bug my phone they’d see nothing but occasionally stupid texts about supplies of condoms between a boyfriend and girlfriend. It was a dumb idea that Nathan had come up with a long time ago when I complained about his dislike of the item; use condoms as a code word for drugs. The boy can brilliant on occasion. His idea saves us the trouble of using those ancient phones. I’m too used to the touch screens to go back to pushing buttons.

 It’s also sickening how much Nathan spends on drugs. Half those narcotics are sold to the students at Blackwell and the other half are used for the dark room experiments. I can’t get Nathan to lay off the cocaine either. I don’t care so much that he smokes weed, I’m all for it if it mellows him out, but cocaine is hard shit that’ll fuck his life up for real. I have to try harder to get him clean.

_“Get double in case we run out too soon.”_ I’m not expecting any trouble from Kate. She’s a done deal. I already started sending her threats to get out of town from a disposable phone, days ago. She’s going to go down the same path all the girls with red binders have. Kate has fallen into a pit of despair with no way of escaping. The only problem with her case is that she may have a vague recollection of the dark room because Nathan didn’t give her a strong enough dosage. She had asked me before if I knew for sure that Nathan took her to the hospital since she remembered seeing white and hearing voices. I denied all her accusations and even if she were to go to the police she’d have no evidence to prove her claims. Not that her having proof would matter either, Sean Prescott could easily sway the law to reflect what he wants, such is the power of the Prescotts.

_“Y the Hell u want DB? U said U didn’t like doin it that much.”_ His text popped up as I was walking down the stairs. Nathan knows I’m not comfortable at all with any of this. I can’t imagine how revolted he feels doing it and Nathan doesn’t even know the real reason behind all this nonsense.

_“I don’t plan to go through it all. It’s just in case.”_ Max is the wildcard here. Her ignorant display of power proved my assumption right. Max has an ace in the hole and I need to keep her away from us. She can use that power to get whatever information she wants and nobody would even know she did it in the first place. I remember how arrogant and reckless Rachel was when it came to using her powers. The wanna-be model played all who surrounded her like drums and everyone was so caught up in her tune. I even danced to her tune too. She played us all…

_“Expensive bitch.”_ I’d slap him if he was here with me.

_“Don’t call me bitch… >:(…”_ I added an angry emoji in another text so he knew I wasn’t joking about that. Bitting and pinching hasn’t stopped his foul language so I need another method to get rid of that verbal tic of his. He can call any other girl a bitch as much as he wants but he’s not going to keep referring to me like that.

_“Whatthefuckever. TYL”_ I huffed as I shoved the phone into a zipper compartment and continued stomping down the stairs. Fuck him too.  
The breeze blew through my hair just as I opened the door. I took a deep breath relishing in the fresh, crisp air. I love that you can smell the nature here instead of air pollution from the trains, cars, and buildings like in Chicago. Hard to believe it snowed yesterday.

 I can see Samuel, the janitor feeding the squirrels. I always get a creepy and weird vibe from him, not to mention his archaic way of talking rattles me. I recall Rachel used to hand out head shots to him as they talked about spirit animals. No surprise that Samuel’s spirit animal is a squirrel considering how much he hangs around them. Maybe he’s secretly able to shape shift into a squirrel. During a sleepover at my house, Rachel confided in me that her spirit animal was a butterfly like it was some big secret. She tried to tell me that my spirit animal was a snake. What a load of bull.

Taylor is out here too. She’s alone by the tree staring at her phone. I had heard from Nathan that her mom is in the hospital for surgery. According to Nathan, Victoria has been going with Taylor to the hospital and looking out for the girl on the weekends since her mom isn’t home to take care of her. I can at least appreciate that Victoria Chase looks after her friends when they need her support.

“Morning Taylor.” Against my better judgement I decided to talk to Taylor about her mom. I can be civil with Victoria’s most steadfast minion when she’s alone and hurting. I know how lonely it is to live without a mother.

“Clarissa what’s up?” She didn’t try preppy act with me since neither Courtney or Victoria are around to survey her mean girl act. Oh the masks we all wear at school. I bet Taylor is bewildered to see me talking to her of my own volition.

“I heard about your mom and I hope she gets better. Every girl needs her mom in her life.” I cut straight to the chase with her. All I wanted was to share my condolences with Taylor and nothing more. This is the only thing I don’t have a problem talking to her about.

“Thanks for saying that Clarissa, I really appreciate it…I know you don’t really like talking with me or my friends.” Taylor looked up beneath her dyed blonde hair to quirk her lips up into a bittersweet smile. It’s sad that she knows I don’t like her, but keeps on trying to be friends with because of Victoria.

Do any of the girls here actually have natural blonde hair? These stupid fakers go blonde cause of that rumor about dad liking blondes since most of his models were blondes. Those girl’s assumptions are wrong. My mother had strawberry blonde hair and dad loved her hair color the most. Platinum blonde is just what was hot in the industry at the time.

“Sorry I’m not really into Victoria’s kind of high school drama to be honest.” With that passing comment I left Taylor alone. I said my piece to her. I don’t want to listen to any attempts to defend Victoria’s social attacks on the student population or a persuasive argument as to why I should hang out more with core Vortex Club members. Taylor and Courtney aren’t terrible to be around on their own, but they’re such slaves that they latch onto to their bossy queen’s prospects and wishes instead of trying to make their own way at Blackwell.

“Warren?” I spotted him lounging at the gateway to the dorms like a stalker waiting for its prey. His face doesn’t look as bad, he’s only sporting a black eye. He certainly has the dangerous look going for him now.

“Clarissa what’re you doing here so early? You live like on the other side of town with dad right?” Warren’s rambling tells me that he’s nervous. Is he anxious because I caught him skulking around the girl’s dorm or because he never responded to my text messages. I’m going to be honest with myself and say that he feels awkward with me in general because I’m with the guy who pounded his face in. Our friendship is most certainly on the rocks at present. Am I going to have switch lab partners with someone?

“Sometimes I like having sleepovers with my friends. It can get boring living with just Daddy. I always wanted a sister and Dana has become like one to me.” I acted like I wasn’t hurt by his dismissal of me. I can’t be upset with Warren for not being comfortable with me after what Nathan did and how I allowed him to hurt Warren. I didn’t even care enough to be really mad at Nathan for his violence, so I can’t expect forgiveness if I wasn’t seeking it in the first place.

“Man a sleepover with a gorgeous girl like Dana. You two must have had some sexy pillow fights.” His cheesy smile easily brightened up his countenance. His provocative imagination got a laugh out of me. Fucking boys never change. Both him and Nathan have spoken about sexualized fantasies involving me and Dana. I love that girl to bits, but I’d never turn for her, now Megan Fox on the other hand is a different story. Dana will always only be my best friend.

“That only happens in and dreams, kitten.” I rolled my eyes in playful exasperation. “Are you waiting for Max?”

His small blush was answer enough for me. Oh, Warren you’re going to end up spending a lifetime waiting for that girl. He’s too young at sixteen to be this sweet on a girl, or it could be he’s never had a crush before on gone a date, in which case Warren is a virgin in every sense of the word. He’s never going to get laid by Max. I can’t really poke fun at him though, Nathan was my first time and I’m three years older than Warren. Most the male population here got it on way back in their freshman years of high school.

“You got it Sherlock. I never got a chance to officially ask her out so here I wait for the fair maiden.” I stopped trailing off thinking about who’s fucking who at Blackwell, to focus back on the conversation.

“Good luck Warren. With how weird this fucking week is turning out to be Max might say yes. And if not, then I’m sure Brooke would be more than happy to go with you.” I tossed that losers name out to him so he could experience being with a girl that actually gives a flying fuck about him.

“How could she say no to original Planet of the Apes? We’re totally going to ‘Go Ape’!”

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“Clarissa, let me get the door. A lady should never open the door when there’s a man present.” Dad waltzed up next to me to shuffle his key ring around until he got the silver key he was looking for and shoved it into the lock, opening his class door. He has so many keys issued to him as a teacher. There’s the key for the storage room where the photography equipment is, the key for the room with the special printer for photographs, the key for the studio that’s another dark room, a spare key to an empty classroom he uses to oversee the Vortex Club meetings since he’s the teacher assigned to run it, and of course his classroom key. Dad probably has the most access to the school’s facilities than any of the other teachers.

“I’ll be sure to commit that to memory since I’ve graduated from little girl to lady in one day.” Dad let me walk in first. I snagged a chair from a student’s desk and dragged it over to his desk to sit in.

“You’ll always be a little girl to me. Especially due to your short height.” He walked over to his desk and began pulling papers out of his briefcase. He slid his computer off to the side to make room for him to organize the files. I could see one stack was for late work turned in, one was for extra credit, another for the landscape project he assigned last week. Teaching students is no joke. I never saw dad bring his work home with him all the time like he does now back when he was a freelance photographer. It’s ludicrous that someone like him would give up a high paying, low-stress job in Chicago for a shit-paying job at Blackwell.

“Not funny Daddy. I’m an average height for nineteen…I brought you an orange juice from the cafeteria to wash out the awful taste of coffee.” I held the cold plastic bottle in front of him. I would have brought him food, but dad said he ate an omelet at home. Lucky him, I only found a bagel appetizing enough to eat. Dad gratefully accepted the juice and in return handed me a stack of photocopies.

“Coffee is what wakes me up in the morning and it taste divine. You’re too young to understand the majesty of coffee. Now be a dear and staple those worksheets together. I’ve got to start organizing the entries for the Everyday Heroes Contest. I’ve been putting it off due to a lack of interest from the previous entries.” Dad sat down to open one of the locked drawers with his classroom key. A folder labeled “EHC” landed on the desk.

Together reworked in comfortable silence. Dad would look over each entry and write up a commentary critiquing the photo submitted while I meticulously stapled the class’s next assignment of lenses, light, and magnification. This worksheet is a remedial task I had learned years ago. I familiarized myself with the functions of a camera soon after I could walk and babble incoherent words. Dad joked with me that my first word had been camera. Looking back on it, he might not be teasing me since I always used to reach for the camera around his neck to put in my mouth to chew on whenever he held me. Dad eventually got fed up with spit continually getting on his prized possession so he bought me a plastic toy camera to slobber on.

I didn’t get an actual camera until I was seven. I had begged and begged Dad for years to let me have a camera so he could teach me how to use it. I wanted to share a special connection with him, one that only we’d understand. I won Dad over with my abundant enthusiasm and he conceded on the condition that I’d stop pestering and begging him for the same thing over and over. On my seventh birthday I was ecstatic to find a disposable camera inside a pink and blue wrapped present. I played with that camera all the time. I still have that old thing in a shoebox under my bed.

“Clarissa, how has Nathan been acting? I heard the announcement for Nathan to report to Well’s office…And that boy has scratches on his face…” Dad paused his work to suspiciously look at me. His dark brown eyes locked onto my light ones.

“Did he get into a fight with someone? Or are you two fighting?…I know Nathan wouldn’t dare put his hands on you, even if he was drugged out of his mind.” Dad’s face remained a careful disguise of indifference, but his eyes and voice were sending a different message. I know dad is only being protective of his only child, but a part of me is scared of his willingness to hurt someone for my sake. I’m scared of that defensiveness because I understand that need, I would do the same for him.

“Nathan and I aren’t fighting. He probably had nightmare and ended up scratching his face too hard and he told Principal Wells called him in to petition the Prescotts for more funding.” I can’t believe I’m lying to dad for Nathan’s benefit. I already told dad about the gunshot, but that happened in a separate reality so Nathan can’t be held accountable for that mess up. It was Max that Nathan went after for snitching on him. I’m positive Dad won’t be happy with the knowledge of Nathan antagonizing his precious Maxine Caulfield.

“You know Nathan is doing his best to earn back your favor. He’s not just doing that for me. He really wants to go back to how things were with you. Maybe…” I tentatively put the stapler and paper down. “You could take him back under your wing? He was like a son to you for a time.”

Before Nathan came to be involved in the dark room, he genuinely enjoyed studying photography under dad. My father enjoyed teaching an eager talent like Nathan who has the “eye” for good shots. I have never liked sharing my dad with anyone, sharing makes me feel like I can be replaced. I let Nathan replace Sean Prescott with Mark Jefferson because I feel his pain as my own. We both have father’s whose reputations define us and we’ve both lost our mothers.

“Don’t Clarissa. My parental concern has run out for him, I have you to prioritize. Nathan is nothing more to me than insurance against his father. He’s going to be the reason things spiral out of hand.” Dad stomped on my underhanded version of pleading. He can’t stand the sound of begging. I get away with it most of the time just cause I’m his daughter, others however, get rejected the moment a string of “pleases” come out their mouths. I think people begging bothers him because it makes the person look disturbingly weak and vulnerable.

“Nathan had his chance to impress me and he failed miserably…His talent is wasted…I don’t want to continue this discussion of Sean’s son.” He pointedly went back to analyzing photos to reinforce his termination of the conversation topic.

I returned to stapling worksheets. I’m disappointed that he’s so adverse to spending time with my boyfriend.

“I had something else I wanted to talk you about before we went on a tangent. Max’s grades have been steadily dropping and her GPA’s fallen below the required minimum to keep her scholarship. She needs to get her act together if she wants to keep attending this school.” His posture was back to being open and loose at the mention of his favorite student. The lingering disappointment on Nathan’s behalf pervading my insides immediately turned to sizzling rage for that fucking wallflower.

I remained silent to prevent a sarcastic reply sneaking out my lips. Dad will keep talking whether I respond or not. He has a strong love for the sound of his own voice, like any megalomaniac.

“I was hoping you could help tutor Max as a Blackwell mentor? Maybe you two could become friends as well. Max must be feeling lonely, she has so few friends and with Kate shutting herself away in her room, I don’t see Max participating much in life. You could improve her academics and lend an ear to her.” Dad finished critiquing another photo and placed the page back in the manila folder. He took a break from the tedious paper-pushing portion of his job and leisurely twisted the orange juice open to drink its contents. Charming, how he’s using the hip teacher persona to cover up the fact he’s chosen the next recipient of his affections.

“Why her?” The venomous words came out like water from a pipe. I have wondered for the whole month that Max has been here why my dad is bewitched by her. I could at least understand his infatuation with Rachel despite her lack of skills behind a lens. Rachel Amber was undeniably beautiful and magnetic, a master manipulator with relentless ambition. I can see the attraction of her character. Max Caulfield at best is cute and naive, she observes a grimy world behind a lens, but paints it with bright colors like a ignorant child. Rachel Amber was a fatal attraction while Max is a plain-jane.

Dad patiently studied me for a moment. “She has a gift that I haven’t seen in a long time. Her self-portraits remind me of an old friend.” He wistfully smirked as stared at me. Dad isn’t talking about my mom.

“She liked taking a million ’selfies’ too.” He whispered the last part.  
 Max does have the gift of rewinding, but dad doesn’t know that. I’m highly inclined to not tell him. I don’t need to deal with another bimbo girl thinking she’s special enough to try throwing herself at him.

“You will do this for me, won’t you sweetheart? This one is special, I can feel it.” Dad’s brown eyes twinkled in excitement. I haven’t seen him be anything but cynical and angry since we moved to Oregon.

“I’ll do it for you Daddy.” I tried to smile for him like his request was nothing strange. I just have to keep telling myself that he does’t enjoy drugging girls for the sake of the experiments or taking provocative photos for blackmail. That lie is the only thing that makes this process bearable. I’m not ready to face the music; that Sean Prescott managed to corrupt my father’s talent to point that he’s turned into a monster.

“You’re such a good girl, sweetheart. I’d be lost without your help.” He reached over to squeeze my hand that wasn’t twisting my locket around. I held on tight to his larger palm, basking in his affection for me. I love dad too much to condemn him for the shit he’s done.

“I think you’d survive just fine without me.”


	8. Latch

 

_"I'm so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch, feel so enamored, hold me tight with your clutch"_

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_“Let’s say sunshine for everyone.”_

I hummed along with the song blasting in my ears from the headset. Music always calms me down when I’m stressed out. Better I listen to some music than do something stupid like smoke weed or binge on beer to mellow me out. 

I had left dad’s classroom after some students showed up to turn in late work and ask for help. They were so transparent. Pretty girls in short skirts and low shirts, all for the purpose of trying to seduce my father. All of them are fucking sluts.

In the beginning I found it hilarious to watch slut after slut whore themselves at a celebrity photographer. The girls would bat their eyelashes, swing their hips, bite their lips and lean in close. All those provocative actions for someone who could only ever love them if they were in front of a lens. Those low life girls wouldn’t clamor to him if they knew what he did in the dark.

_“We’ve been migratory animals living under changing weather,”_

I closed my eyes and stretched my legs out to modestly cross them over each other. Wouldn’t want to flash anyone. The cool shade of the tree kept the morning sun off me. The natural forests here make good hiding spots for when I want to get away. Typically when I try to hide myself in the school’s nature I usually end up near the Tobanga statue. That thing is so freaky how it draws me in. That statue is one of the many weird things in Arcadia Bay.

_“Someday we will foresee obstacles through the blizzard, through the blizzard,”_

I’ve been sitting here attempting to text Max. So far I’m having no luck. My fingers aren’t moving and they won’t move until I convince myself to befriend her on a more personal front. Do it for dad Clarissa. For dad. For dad. For my father.

What do I say to her? She has a marred opinion of me after I frightened Max by flipping out on her. That was a severe fuck-up on my part, letting Max see a real part of me. Why am I letting this girl get to me, she’s a nobody?…Though, maybe I can use this to my advantage. Max is three parts nosy and one part compassionate. If I present myself as a depressed and troubled girl then Max will go out of her way to help me. It’s one thing to idolize someone and another to actually see them as a person. Now that Max has seen I’m not perfect, maybe she’ll reach out to me as a friend. I’ve seen her trying to chat up everybody she can now that she’s got the rewind. Her power makes her think she doesn’t have to hide behind her camera anymore.

_“Today we will sell our uniform, live together, live together,”_

I can do this.

The phone buzzed from the new text message I sent to Max’s number. I had traded numbers with her back when she first started school last month. We ended up sitting next to each other in English and Max would often forget the homework which meant she would never turn in her work on time. I finally got fed up with her lackluster performance and offered to remind her what the English assignments were and gave her my number. Our text messages have mainly been about school, occasionally she would ask if I wanted to hang out, but I usually turned her down with an excuse of having club meetings or prior plans.

_“Hey Max, I know you’ve been having a hard time adjusting to life here at Blackwell by yourself. It can be hard being away from home without your parents to help you. I’m not trying to be a jerk, but I know you’re not doing well in most of your classes. If you want I could tutor you after school. You told me you’re on scholarship right? Since I’m one of the Blackwell Mentors it’s my job to help at-risks students with low GPA’s. Please let me help you Max. Daddy would be so sad to lose one of his most talented students.”_

I wanted to throw my phone after re-reading the text I sent to Max. I don’t want to have send anymore word vomit texts like this to her.

_“We played hide and seek in waterfalls,”_

The day hasn’t begun and I’m dying to go back to sleep to start a new day. Why does high school have to be so stressful?

_“We were younger,”_

The repetitive vibrating of my phone caught my attention. I flipped it over to see who was calling. Kate Marsh is the one calling me. Do I answer or ignore her?

I rubbed across the screen to answer the call. My conscience and curiosity won me over. I replaced the headphones with the screen of the iPhone.

“Hello?”

“Clarissa…I could really use a friend right now…I’m scared. I don’t know what to do anymore.” Kate’s voice was muffled. I could hear her sniveling as she tried to stop what I assumed was her tears. I hadn’t seen Kate since our spat yesterday. I purposely stay away from the miserable girl so I wouldn’t be burdened with that oppressive feeling of guilt.

“What do you mean Kate? I told you all this nonsense would blow over soon. There’s no reason to be scared of some stupid teenagers.” I didn’t bring up the fact that Kate had said I was the worst friend and how she compared me to a snake. Despite the validity of her words, they still did sting. We were actual friends.

“No you don’t get it Clarissa. This is more than just bullying. The students here are vile, they’re defacing my things, people are always jeering at me or throwing things in my direction. My gym clothes were torn up…It’s horrible.” Kate had to take a breather to calm her tears again. “And it’s not just them. My family has turned against me. My aunt and mother both sent me letters about my disgraceful behavior. My family is miles away and they already know about this. What if my church hears? They’re going to excommunicate me and if that happens my family will disown me.”

I stayed silent as Kate’s broken cries filled the need for conversation for minutes. She’s crying so hard she’s hiccuping from the effort. This poor, poor girl. What have I done?

“I’m losing everything Clarissa.”

I sighed in defeat. I can’t do anything to help her. “Kate, I don’t know what to tell you. My advice is obviously going in one ear and out the other. And I can’t stop the actions of hundreds of kids…So tell me what I can do to make this better for you Katie. I’ll try my best to help you.” My words were hollow. What she really needs is a time machine to go back in time to stop herself from ever coming to this heinous school.

“Go to the police with me. That’s how you can help me get justice.” Her sobs slowed in intensity.

“What?! Did I hear you right? You said you want to go to the police?” I held the phone away from my ear in disbelief.

“That’s right.” I put the phone back against my ear at Kate’s response. “I know I said some terrible things to you. Those words I said are things you can’t take back. But you’re being deceived by your Vortex Club friends and Nathan Prescott is no good for you. You deserve better than him. He’s dangerous and I want him to be held accountable for what he’s done.” Her sadness had harden to anger by finding a target to focus her misery on and of course it has to be Nathan she wants to point the pitchfork at.

“You want to go the police. Have you lost your mind? They’re never going to believe anything you say about Nathan Prescott.” I’n not just saying this to cover for my boyfriend’s ass, but for hers as well. Sean Prescott will eat her alive if she presses charges against his son. If she does something stupid like that, she’s going to end up in a body bag in the ocean. This is a dangerous move she’s trying to play. Doesn’t she know the Prescott’s have the law in their back pocket. What would even put this idea in her head? 

“Yes they will Clarissa. I already have Max to testify with me and with your help the police will have to take us seriously. Nathan Prescott is going to pay for drugging me and then taking advantage of my body.”

I roughly rubbed my hand over my face. This fucking girl just can’t keep her nose out of other people’s business. What the fuck is wrong with Max? I can’t believe she told Kate to go the police. What the fuck is wrong with Kate too? She keeps adding accusation after accusation against Nathan to make him look like a fucking psycho villain. Not only does he drug girls, but now he’s a rapist too according to Kate. When will this shit end?

“No, no, no. I can’t do that Kate. And you can’t do that either. You have no proof for the things you’re saying about Nathan and I’d advice you to stop stacking charges against him…I’m tired of hearing uncalled for slander towards him.” I combed some of my hair behind my ear.

“Then you’re choosing him over me.” Her crying started up again, jumbling up some her words. “You’re choosing that crazy rapist over me. You must love that sicko. I wanted to trust in our friendship. I wanted to believe that you weren’t like the others. We really weren’t ever friends, were we Clarissa?” 

The line went dead after Kate uttered a final goodbye. 

She’s wrong. We were friends. I wish she could at least believe that about me and not all the other fake bullshit I fed her and half the school. I truly cherished having her in my life. Kate was so open and forgiving that I never felt the need to pretend to like her. Her abundant honesty and selfless attitude naturally drew me in. I wanted to be more like Kate and less like myself so I hung out with her to see if her goodness could rub off on me. What a fucking joke how I repaid her kindness.

With trembling fingers I put the headphones back in my ear and placed the phone on top of my bag. Kate interrupted me listening to _Obstacles_. 

I played with my locket as I thought over her words. She thinks Nathan rapped her because of her vague recollection of gloved hands that moved her around in the dark room. She shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Like Nathan or my dad would rape any of the models. That’s a line neither one of them would ever cross. I’ve been present for most of the dark room sessions and not once has anything erotic occurred, well nothing sexual that is. I can tell dad gets off on that sick shit, even more than he did when he used to photograph gorgeous models for absurd amounts of money. There were many times he didn’t come home because he was visiting one of those woman. Sex and money often goes hand in hand.

A sudden force knocked me over to the side. I ended up sprawled over my bag and violin case.

“What the fuck?!” I couldn’t hear my shout since I still had the headphones on. I ripped the headphones out and whipped around to see who would have the balls to shove me over.

“Pay the fuck attention and that won’t happen babe.” Nathan stood looking down on me with an amused expression. I vehemently scowled at him. What an asshole. I’m already upset and he just has to kick me when I’m down.

“You’re such a dick! I’m not in the mood for your shit.” I sat up and slapped his arm as he landed next to me. “What if my dress got dirt stains on it?”

“Then I’d buy you a new dress.” He rolled his eyes like money could solve everything. “You shouldn’t be sitting on grass if don’t want to get dirty, dumb bitch. What’s eating you right now?”

“Don’t call me bitch.” My protests were starting to become overused. “I just got off the phone with Kate and the conversation has put me in a bad mood.”

“Well listen to your crappy music then, babe. That always puts you in a better mood.” He snatched the iPod off the ground from around me. “So what hipster bullshit are you listening to now?”

Nathan scrolled through the music playlists until he found something he liked. Oh, Nathan. He’s not perfect, but he tries to help in his own way. He knows nothing he could possibly say would make me feel better about Kate’s situation. He has it easier than me since he didn’t have to interact with Kate after the Vortex party like I did. I appreciate that he’s trying to distract me. I just wish he wouldn’t be so dickish about it all the time. Just be a man and show your soft side Nathan. 

“I don’t have hipster music. It’s a collection of different genres of music.” I scooted over a bit more so our shoulders could touch. “Why are you out here? Weren’t you going to see Frank?”

I took one of the earbuds he held out to me. Like this we could both enjoy whatever song he picked. Nathan was still deciding by the lack of sound I heard from the earpiece.

“That fucker ain’t answering his phone. And that dipshit security guard stopped me in front of the school to complain some more about my violent behavior.” Nathan sneered as he lowered his voice to imitate the gruff rumble of Mr. Madsen. The effect was lost as Nathan ended up laughing after he looked at my look of disbelief. He started wheezing from his laughter.

“You’re so awful at impressions.” I felt my lips curling up into a small smile from Nathan’s easy mood. I lifted my hand up to fondly run my fingers through his hair. 

“You don’t need to get high this early in the day or even at all for that matter Nate.” I continued scratching his head as he leaned into my touch. “Did you take your medication?”

I don’t like the idea of Nathan being on pills for his bipolar disorder and schizophrenia since his father has his son take a higher dosage than is necessary. Having Nathan consistently doped up on pills makes his behavior worse because then he thinks his family doesn’t want to deal his problems. In the case of Sean Prescott, he has no patience for Nathan’s mental issues and frequently vents that frustration. Nathan’s stepmother is afraid of displeasing her husband so she never gets too involved with Nathan. The only person who might be able to help Nathan is on the other side of the world. Nathan’s sister, Kristine has been gone for years, but she still keeps in touch every now and again with her little brother.

“Yeah, yeah. I took my shit. Don’t be a nag.” He airily dismissed my concern with a shrug. “Gotta make sure the crazy kid stays under control, right?

I stopped my soothing scratches to lightly pull his chin in my direction. I never want him to feel like there’s something wrong with him.

“Nate, I didn’t mean it like that. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you are.” I let go of his chin to loop our arms. He linked our hands together. “I only meant it’s not safe to mix your medication with drugs, especially cocaine. I don’t want to find you overdosed in your room or having a seizure or something. I like having a healthy, living, boyfriend.”

_“You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down.”_

My words trailed off as the beautiful voice from the music filled my ear. Nathan picked a great song.

“It’s not easy to stop.” I barely caught his whisper. I wish there was something else I could do to help him with his addiction. Any form of therapy or rehabilitation is out of the question since Sean Prescott won’t have it getting out that his son is in rehab. I’ve tried easing him slowly off all the substances he takes, but that just makes his withdrawal get out of hand. I’m out of my depth.

_“You, you enchant me even when you’re not around”_

“Not that it matters. I ran out of the good shit. Figures that Frank’s being a pussy. I freaked out on him once and now the dick doesn’t want to deal to me.” He set the iPod down and put the other earbud in his ear. 

_“If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down”_

“Dumpster Frank with a million tattoos and piercings is scared of the cute, little, rich, aristocrat.” I playfully shoved his shoulder. This might be a good thing. If Frank won’t deal to Nathan then he’ll be forced to get clean.

“Everybody’s scared of me. The Prescotts own this town. So better believe no one’s going to cross me.”

_“I’m latching on, babe, now I know what I have found”_

I snorted. Male bravado at its finest is stupid. “I cross you all the time and you never do anything.”

“Pft. I let you get away with stuff cause you’re cute…Unless you’re saying you want to get fucked up.” Nathan looked at me with a hidden smile. “I know how rough you like to get.”

_“I feel we’re close enough”_

His other hand moved some of my hair behind my ear. Nathan leaned down closer to my ear to nibble on it. I felt my heart skip a beat.

“You’re worse than me with your fetish for bondage, Mr. S&M.” My reply earned me a tug on my ear from Nathan’s teeth. A low moan came from me.

The flashing light from my phone drew my eyes to its screen. Regrettably I picked the phone up and swiped across the screen. Max responded to my text.

_“Clarissa, I appreciate you trying to help. I’m embarrassed that my grades have gotten so low. I’ve been trying to adjust to the new school and make friends so my focus has been lacking. You’re right, I shouldn’t be wasting my talent like this. I came to Blackwell to learn. If you have the time I wouldn’t mind getting some tutor time in, like you said, my grades could definitely use the boost. Don’t push yourself though, I know you’ve got all those clubs and other things you’re involved in.”_

What a reply. Mission ‘Win Max Over Phase One’ complete. I know just the place we can use to study. Dad will be happy to lend his classroom to me after school to tutor Max. With all the classes she’s bombing in, the session might have to be a couple of times a week. Friendship takes time to build.

_“I’m so en-captured, got me wrapped up in your touch”_

As I was typing a reply to Max, Nathan continued peppering me with sultry kisses on my ear and neck to distract me.

_“Don’t worry about the clubs. I’ll make time for you Max. Your education is important, college is right around the corner. Do you want to meet up after school today? I can ask Daddy to rent his class out to us.”_

I put the phone down on my lap after I sent the reply to Max.

“Why the fuck are you texting Cockfield?!” Nathan stopped kissing my neck to try and read the text messages. He even tried to snatch the phone off my lap, but I was quicker and moved to hold it out of his reach.

“Back off Nathan!” I moved the phone away from him again to send a quick ‘see you later’ to Max after she agreed to meet up at the end of the day. 

“Tell me why you’re talking to her then.” He pulled my waist closer to him so he could reach for the phone. This is turning into a wrestling match between kids.

“I have to get close to the loser…Got damn it!” Nathan gave up trying to grab the phone and instead pushed me onto the ground for the second time. The earpiece violently flew out of my ear and my phone fell. His weight on top of mine made it hard to move around.

I wouldn’t be bothered with this at all if we weren’t on the grass. I already told him I didn’t want my dress getting dirty. I have to look presentable when I start class.

“Why are you trying to be buddy-buddy with the whore that snitched on me and scratched my face?” Nathan resisted my feeble attempts to push him off and kept me pinned down beneath him. His smoldering blue eyes intently glowered at me. It must be a power trip for him to keep having me beneath him.

“If you’d just let me finish you aggressive ape.” My simmering brown eyes glared right back. “I don’t want to be buddy-buddy with that obnoxious nerd, doubly so since she’s got the rewind ability, but Daddy has asked that I befriend her. And the best way for me to do that is by tutoring Maxine so she can keep her scholarship and stay at the school.” It’s getting harder to breathe with him pressed so heavily on me.

Nathan’s face lowered close enough to mine that our noses touched. We’re so close. I could kiss him if I moved my head up a little bit. I should bite him again for being a dumbass and pushing me twice.

“So you do everything your dad asks, huh, you goody-two-shoes?” His eyes latched on to my lips focused on something other than our conversation. Nathan’s elbows moved to rest besides my head while one of his hands tangled itself in the curls of my hair.

“Yes I do Nathan. And you’re the exact same way, doll.” I circled my arms around his waist now that his arms weren’t barricading my movement.

_“If you ever need me, just tell me, and I’ll be there”_

Some music was still playing from the headphones, but my hazy mind couldn’t register the words and my phone lay forgotten on the grass. My focus is centered on Nathan’s willowy frame laying on mine and how he’s staring holes into my lips. I get turned on by Nathan too easily and there’s no explanation for it. 

“Don’t go biting your lip all sexy like that. You know it turns me on.” He snarled.

Nathan lowered his lips to mine before I could deny biting my lip in front of him. His mouth eagerly responded to mine after our lips pressed against one another in a heated passion.

_“Cause I was built for you, yes I was built to carry all of your feelings”_

The earbuds had somehow ended up underneath us from the muffled sound coming from them. from our bodies moving around. Nathan’s lips languidly moved in tandem with mine, enjoying the slow pace, refusing to give in to his internal desire to eat my face off with a flurry of frenzied kisses. I kept my hands perched on his slim waist to keep me from moving my hands under his neatly pressed t-shirt. If he keeps kissing me like this though, I won’t be able to keep my hands from wandering all over him.

_“Cause I won’t let them know, I won’t let you go, baby”_

Back and forth our lips met until Nathan’s tongue broke the routine. His tongue swiped across my bottom lip seeking entrance. I deeply breathed out of my nose from the action. I like french kissing too much, the additional amount of saliva slightly disgusts me.

_“I don’t care what your past is, I don’t need no answers, just have faith in me”_

Nathan persisted at trying to shove his tongue in my by nibbling on my lip. I grunted from the action and pinched him as warning. He ignored my warning and pinched me back on my waist. Fed up, I turned away from Nathan to stop the tongue assault I was being subjected to.

_“Don’t be scared, I got you, you know that”_

“Whatthefuck?! Enough with the hard to get bullshit! It’s not cute.” Nathan rolled off me in a huff. He defiantly crossed his arms and glared at the sky, looking every bit like a petulant child.

_“I’m here when you’re sad, when all of your clouds turn black”_

“Sorry, for not wanting your tongue down my throat. You know I don’t like that.” I’m slightly annoyed and slightly amused. I sat up to reach underneath me to retrieve my iPod to stuff it into my bag. I paused the music and shoved in the satchel. Class is going to be starting soon.

“Tch. You didn’t have a problem with it when it was up your pus-” I slapped my hand over his mouth without thinking.

“Watch your mouth! Learn how to talk around a lady.” A sudden explosion of rage overcame me. I’ve gotten used to his vulgar language as just a part of him, but sometimes his derogatory remarks towards immensely piss me off.

He yanked my hand off his mouth.

“That fucking hurt! Don’t do it again bitch!” He sat up to yell in my face.

“Don’t fucking call me bitch, asshole! How many times do I have to fucking say it before it sticks!” I yelled right back at him. Here we go with another one of our dumb arguments.

“I’ll call you whateverthefuck I want, whore!”

“Well than fuck you Nathan! You can sit out here alone.” I snatched up my bag and violin case and stormed off.

“No, fuck you Clarissa! Go ahead and run off like everybody else!”

00000000000000000000000000

“Enter the Vortex Club this October.” I read out loud. My eyes were drawn to the banner hanging from the ceiling. I had made it to school after I left Nathan.

It would appear the Vortex Club Committee has taken over the hallways with the millions of propaganda posters all over the walls. You can’t go anywhere in the school without seeing dozens of miscellaneous posters around. The most annoying posters are the ones of Rachel Amber.

“Another giant fucking party is just what I need.” I walked further into the school, inwardly cursing at everyone and everything. As I saw people I knew I amicably waved at them to keep up appearances. I should look into acting as a full time career.

I stopped at the booth for the Vortex Club.

“Hello Clarissa. Are you going to be attending the soiree this Thursday?” Courtney, the representative for the committee, motioned to the guest list that she was reviewing on her iPad. She set the the object down to tap her fingers on the booth.

“You know it. Partying is the only way for me to wind down after a week of school.” I tossed my hair behind my shoulder as I played the role of a popular girl. I hate the parties I have to accompany Nathan to. All the kids do insane amounts of drugs and binge on alcohol. Vortex Parties are the place where all terrible mistakes happen at this school. How many girls are going to end up being drugged and kidnapped at these parties?

“That is certainly true.” Courtney coyly chuckled. “I assume you’ll be going as Nathan Prescott’s date, no?”

I could see on her iPad that Nathan and I’s names were already on the VIP section of the guest list, yet for courtesy’s sake, Courtney still went ahead and asked.  
I’ve been a VIP member of the Vortex Club since even before I started dating Nathan. What better way to smoke the club’s sponsor than by having his precious daughter as a key member. High school politics at its best.

“Unless the world ends, then yes. I can’t let my beau go wild all by himself.” I smiled like I wasn’t still irritated with Nathan. Even I didn’t want to go with I’d still go. There’s no telling what bullshit he could get into at one of those parties by himself.

“Yes. You and him are the king and queen of every party. I’m sure you two will even end up being the Prom King and Queen.” Courtney wistfully sighed as she went on the topic of prom.

“You’re thinking too far ahead of yourself Courtney. Prom isn’t until the end of year.” I playfully shook my head at her enthusiasm.

“You’re right. Well on behalf of the Vortex Club I’d like to thank you and Nathan for livening up our weekly parties. I look forward to seeing whatever gorgeous dress you wear Thursday night.”

I echoed back the sentiment before I left Courtney to continue running the booth before class starts. See, talking to the Chase minions isn’t so bad when they’re alone and not just some mindless drones.

As I headed for class, I spotted Mr. Madsen the security guard holding down the fort further down the hallway. I’d like to avoid as best as I can. Dad told me to keep a low profile and not cause trouble for him. 

“Young lady, I need to speak with you.” 

Unfortunately keeping my head down to the ground didn’t do anything for me. I looked around hoping he was talking about some other student, but he was staring right at me with no one else near. Mr. Madsen approached me and I had no choice but to converse with him.

“Clarissa Jefferson.” His gruff voice prompted me to shift my attitude from confident to timid. If I want to appear harmless to him then I need to make Mr. Madsen feel like he’s in control. Men always underestimate a woman who seems weak-willed. 

“Yes sir. What can I help you with?” I nervously held on to the handle of my satchel and refrained from making too much eye contact with the old veteran. Thankfully, I had dropped my violin case off in the music room first thing when I arrived at school. If I had it with me at this moment I would be in an uncomfortable position holding the heavy thing while under Mr. Madsen’s unrelenting scrutiny.

“I want to hear the facts, Missy. What happened in the parking lot yesterday?” He stepped a little closer to me to use his height as an intimidation tactic by towering over my shorter stature. I hate being vertically challenged.

“I-I really don’t know sir. One minute Nathan was talking to Max and then suddenly Warren had tackled Nathan and they were fighting until that rusted gray truck pulled up and nearly ran over Max! It all went too fast Mr. Madsen.” I hurriedly blabbered out a watered-down version the events to Mr. Madsen.  A little bit of hysteria is sure to get some of the heat off me.

“Slow down Clarissa. What were Max Caulfield and Nathan Prescott talking about? What caused the fight?” He pressed for more answers instead of dialing it back.

“T-They were arguing about Max’s photos. She took a picture of Nathan that he didn’t like and he confronted her about it. Things got a little out of hand then because Max was being overly sarcastic to Nathan. I tried to stop him Mr. Madsen.” The lie came easily to me. I’m not going to tell this wanna-be cop about the bathroom incident. He can go interrogate Principal Wells if he wants to know the real reason for the fight.

Mr. Madsen sent me a skeptical look.

“Are you sure that’s what the argument was about? Because I think Nathan Prescott confronted Max Caulfield due to her report to the Principal about Prescott brandishing a weapon on school grounds. If that’s the case then you’re lying to me and I wanna know why! What’re you hiding Clarissa Jefferson?!” By the end of his rant I was genuinely backing away from his combative stance in fear.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The stutter was real this time around. I wasn’t in the bathroom the second time around so I wouldn’t technically know anything about Nathan having a gun.

“Don’t-” He was cut off by another voice joining in on the fray.

“Mr. Madsen!” 

My dad angrily walked over to the two of us.

“I would appreciate it if you would step away from my daughter. You have no right to account her like this in school.” Daddy boldly planted himself right in front of Mr. Madsen so that they were head to head, sizing the other up.

Mr. Madsen eventually backed away from dad and locked his eyes on me as if to tell me our conversation wasn’t finished. I let go of the strap I was holding so tightly onto. I felt the blood rush back into the line causing a prickling sensation in my hand.

“Jefferson. This is Blackwell Security business.” Mr. Madsen returned to staring daddy down. He and my father have never gotten along. The veteran has it in his head that anybody as famous and well off as daddy is bound to have skeletons in his closet. How right he is and how dumb he is to pursue that assumption. I’ve had to listen to daddy complain hundreds of times at home how frustrating it is being called in to Well’s office to discuss one of Mr. Madsen’s allegations.

“Well, my child is my business and if you have a problem with her than you can discuss it with me first. I don’t care if you harass me, but my daughter is another story. I will be reporting your actions to Principal Wells.” Daddy wrapped his arm shoulder and led me away from David Madsen, not allowing the man a parting word.

I’m so happy he came to my defense. Mr. Madsen’s paranoia is difficult to deal with.

“Thanks for that Daddy. Mr. Madsen really got under my skin…I see what the other students are always complaining about. He’s intense.” I eased up in daddy’s reassuring grip.

I could see now, that some students had seen what was happening by the fact they were pointing their phones at me. Those voyeuristic assholes were either taking pics or recording it. I want to smash those phones in every last one of their faces. This is how corrupt kids have become. They watch events take place behind their lens and laugh while someone else suffers. I hate all the students here.

“I’m your father. I’m always going to defend you against assholes. If Madsen ever does something like that to you again then you come find me, understand? I will not have some under-payed faculty member harassing you.” I gave him a quick hug before we separated as we arrived at his classroom.

I cheerfully nodded at his request. Every girl wants to run to their father at the first sign of trouble. I can always count on him to look after me.

“Good girl.” He softly smiled at my display of childish innocence. It’s times like these where I’m reminded that he’s still the same father that’s loved me for nineteen years. He’s not completely lost to me yet.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but..” A broken mutter shattered my little piece of time. “Mr. Jefferson can I talk to you for a moment?” 

Little Kate Marsh was shuffling around behind me. She avoided looking in my direction despite my proximity to her.

“Of course you can Kate. Clarissa and I were done talking anyway.” He warmly reassured Kate before he turned back to me. “Off to class Claire, I’ll see you later.”

I took the hint and left them alone to give them privacy for what I assumed would be an emotional conversation.  
I walked off a little further down from Kate and dad in order to eavesdrop on them. I didn’t truly expect her to run to dad about her problems. She’s one of the few girls who aren’t smitten with dad, so it’s odd that she feels comfortable sharing such a juicy secret with him. Kate must be going down a list of people to confide in, in her hour of utmost need. The girl should just stop stalling and leave town already like I told her to.

“You have to talk to me Kate.” Dad pleaded.

I hid behind a few loitering students to listen in. From the sound of it, I’ve already missed a bit of the talk.

“Why? It’s all over like me.”

“Knock off this martyr crap.” Wow dad is saying the same thing I did to Kate. Great minds think alike.

“What do you want from me?” Kate cried. Her grief is aimed at more than just dad. 

“I want you to be honest.” He demanded. No one here at Blackwell is honest about anything, that’s just the norm.

“Nobody believes me anyway.” Of course not Kate. When people are presented with a darker side of someone they know, they refuse to see the lighter side or even ackonwledge that things are actually grey. Not everything is so black and white.

“Stop acting so brittle.” Dad will never be able to empathize with Kate’s struggle. He doesn’t see a teenage party gone wrong as anything to cry over. In his opinion, dumb drunken mistakes occur to people all the time and they get over it. On top of that he’s seen so many fake scandals used to promote fame. I can’t count the number of times his models would do dumb stuff like sex tapes, fake marriages and pregnancies to get noticed on tabloids or magazines. Once dad found out about those scandal mishaps he was quick to cut them loose on his roster.

What dad doesn’t realize is this the point when Kate comes to understand that life is cruel. Bad things come to pass to good people more so than they do to the ones who deserve it. I had learned this lesson the hard way.

“Being on a viral video does that.” All the main people she depended on in her life have turned their backs on Kate. Her life has been turned upside down because of one fuck-up, a fuck-up that I helped cause.

Stop thinking so much Clarissa.

“Maybe this is your way of getting attention.”

“That’s really mean Mr. Jefferson. You just don’t get it. Neither of you get it…” 

I stole a glance over at the student teacher pair.

“Just leave me alone.” Kate abruptly turned away to run off in angry tears. I saw dad tried to reach for Kate, but he dropped his arm in resignation.  
His guilty expression tore at my insides. His guilt only amplifies mine. I looked away, not wanting to see that disheartened look from him. He’s not supposed to look like that. He’s always supposed to look charming and at ease.

Turning my gaze elsewhere, I spotted Max Caulfield making her way over to dad’s class. Did she see the chat like I did?

“Excuse me, Max…Can you come over here?” I saw dad wave the girl over before she could enter his class.

“Sure.” Max eagerly stopped to talk to her favorite teacher.

Looks like I’ll continue eavesdropping while pretending to games on my phone. I can’t believe these kids are still standing around talking too.

“You look worried…Is everything okay?” Dad has his lovable teacher gig back on in full force for his latest pet.

“Sorry to bother you Mr. Jefferson.” Max shyly answered.

“I’m only bothered when you avoid turning in photos. But you know this.” He isn’t kidding when he says that. He gets super grouchy when sweet Maxine misses a deadline and gives him a flimsy excuse for it. Dad loves looking at Max’s artwork, it’s become almost like an unhealthy obsession. Why would he choose her as a muse?

“So what can I do for you Max?”

“Just between you and me, I’m worried about Kate Marsh.”

“You’re not the only one. Do you have something you want to tell me?”  
Max hesitated for a second before she spoke again. “I saw David Madsen harassing Kate yesterday. He was scaring her.”

“Mr. Madsen confuses fear with security. I’m sorry Kate had to be a target for his paranoia. If you have proof I could talk to Principal Wells…I already need to have a word with him about Mr. Madsen harassing my own daughter. Having another student lodge a complaint would help my case.” Dad ranted out his oozing distaste for Mr. Madsen.

“Oh yes. I have an actual photograph, for once, of Kate being hassled…But that’s terrible that he’s bothering Clarissa too. Neither of them ever get into trouble and are the sweetest…I wish could help.” 

“Don’t you worry about Clarissa, that’s my job. Let me see that photo after class. You’re already thinking like a real photographer.” His excitement over Max’s achievement as a budding photographer was apparent. I snuck a look over there. He patted Max on the shoulder for her accomplishment. If I could see Max’s face I’m sure that she would be blushing, that whore.

I abandoned the disguise of playing on my phone to prioritize spying on dad and Max. There are enough students surrounding me that I can’t be seen.

“And Max, I promise this matter is being discussed by the faculty. I assume you know about this viral video…” Dad nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

“Everybody knows. That’s why I wanted to see you. Kate is being humiliated daily.” Don’t lie little girl. You wanted to see him for more than just Kate, Max Caulfield.

“What if Kate brought this on herself? She means well, but maybe she doth protest too much.” Dad astutely moved away from blaming Kate for her own actions after seeing the negative reaction on Max’s face. He’s so old fashioned sometimes, quoting Shakespeare like it’s everyday knowledge.

“She seems like she’s holding back the truth. Have you talked to her?” Now he’s fishing for information about Kate’s memories of later that night.

“I will..She’s mad I missed her call today. I just don’t want Kate Marsh to become the next Rachel Amber.”

“Rachel Amber.” He defensively murmured her name. “What does she have to do with Kate?”

Max couldn’t tell, but I could see how perturbed dad was about the subject they were discussing. His smile was strained and his arms went back to being crossed.

“With all her ‘Missing Persons’ posters around, it’s hard not to think of her…”  
How much longer are they going to keep talking? What next, they’re going to talk about the pouring rain? Only Max would be able to hold his attention for this long.

“I miss Rachel too. But think about yourself Max. Principal Wells told me about what you said happened in the bathroom…” Rachel still consumes his thoughts. I’ve seen him looking at old pictures of Rachel in the living room when he thought he was alone and drinking whiskey. Even when she’s dead her presence still lingers among the living. I wish he would get over that blonde bitch already.

“It did happen. Nathan Prescott had a gun in the girls’ bathroom yesterday.” Max’s back became ramrod straight as she ardently defended herself. When will she learn that blabbing to older authority figures here isn’t going to do her any good.

“This is a serious accusation Max.” 

“So you don’t believe me? I would never make something like this up.” Max was affronted that her idol didn’t take her word on the matter.

“I hope so, Max. But it’s easy to point fingers. If Mr. Madsen claims you might be a pot dealer as he did, should I believe him?” Dad went back to being smoothly charming to calm her back down.

What?! I never heard anything like that around school. Max Caulfield, the virgin, goody-two-shoes playing as a drug dealer. Nathan is going to die of laughter when he hears this. I know this little girl would never in a million years do anything as illegal as selling recreational drugs as a hobby.

“Listen should I-” Max racked her brain to come up with a suitable answer for her teacher.

“Excuse me, Max.” Dad interrupted Max’s scramble of words to pull his phone out of his pocket to answer it. “Hello? Yes? Uh…Hold on.”

Dad held the phone away and covered the speaker. “I have to take this, so just go into class and I’ll be there soon.”

Dad grimly walked down the hallway from his class to keep anyone from overhearing the call.

Max stood there by the door wondering what she should do. Instead of going into the class she snuck up to the lockers. She pressed herself up against the row of lockers to spy on dad. No one would find her behavior odd. Other students would just assume she was a lovestruck girl checking out her crush in typical shy nerd fashion.  
It looks like it’s we’re all going to be voyeurs today. I left my hiding spot to approach Max.

“Listen I do have a class I have to teach, I have to go…Mm-hmm. Okay, I’ll do that. Oh, I know. That makes sense.” I started hearing more of his conversation as I ended up directly behind Max. “Seriously I have to hang up now…Let’s talk about this later.”

Together, Max and I listened in on dad’s conversation since curiosity won me over again. I have a feeling I know who he’s talking to.

“We’ll talk later? I have to go…Because I can’t have this conversation with you right now, okay! Would you please just hang up the phone?!” He exclaimed. His anxious movement and refusal to end the call that was frustrating him to no end, supported my idea of who the person on the other line was. There’s only one person dad would be hesitant to hang up on and that’s Sean Prescott.

I have to stop listening in on dad.

“Maxine what’re you doing?” I whispered into Max’s ear. Whatever they’re talking about isn’t meant for her to hear if it’s really Mr. Prescott who called.

“H-Holy shit!” Max jumped in fright and tumbled into me.

“Whoa there Max. Don’t go swooning over me. I have Nathan for that.” I helped her stand back up. Once she was settled I guided Max into her photography class by looping our arms together.

“You scared the bejeezus out of me Clarissa.” Max’s hand found its way over her racing heart. She followed me my lead into the class. Max sees my actions as a friendly gesture of help as opposed to me wanting to escorting her away from my father.

Inside the photography class Stella was gazing at the bulletin board, Alyssa was staring out the window, Dana was doing a photoshoot with the group of popular kids, Daniel was drawing something, and lo and behold Nathan was chilling with Victoria in the back.

Amazingly after dad and Max’s long chat, I still have some time before the bell rings. Might as well as use my extra to see what form of bullying Max is going to be subjected to.

“Ugh. Why are they at my desk? This is not going to be fun. I feel so awkward after bagging on Victoria yesterday and Nathan is a whole other problem.” Max dragged her hand over her eyes, thinking she could make everything go away by closing her eyes.

“Don’t be so pessimistic, Wonder Max. Nathan isn’t going to bother you again, I already talked to him about his behavior. As for Victoria, she’s all talk. Now strut on over to your desk, girl.” I nudged Max in side through our linked arms to give the girl a confidence boost.

A half-lie. I did talk to Nathan about being cautious around Max because of the rewind. My show of continued support is how I’m going to restore her comfort around me after my slip-up. Although Max appears to be relatively comfortable around me, if not a little more talkative this time around.

“You’re awesome Clarissa.” Max sent me a grateful smile. We walked forward to her desk.

“Do you think Max will be pissed we’re sitting at her desk?” Victoria made it seem like she was whispering to Nathan, but her voice was at a regular level for talking.

“Oh I’m sure she’ll report us to the Principal. Like I give a flying-fuck.” He playfully shoved her arm after she giggled from his comment. Nathan was so wrapped up in Victoria’s spiel, he didn’t notice me in the room.

“Or she’ll run to Mr. Jefferson like he gives a shit.” She leaned back toward Nathan’s ear.  
Victoria continued to insult Max, knowing that her victim could hear every word of smack being said.

“Like anybody does. Max is such a little-” Nathan was cut off by Victoria grabbing onto his arm.

“Shh! I think she can hear us.” Victoria topped her fake whisper off with another giggle.

I struggled to keep my arm looped with Max’s. I wanted to reach over and tear Victoria off my boyfriend. I really despise this girl. She whores herself out to my father 24/7, she’s always trying to use me to get what she wants, and she’s always all over Nathan whenever I’m not around.  
Why the fuck is he so chill around Victoria? They almost never argue and Nathan is always pleasant to her. He does whatever that bitch asks him to do as well. My boyfriend has a better relationship with his friend than me. Nathan and I frequently argue over dumb shit and call each other rude names, we’re constantly hurting each other. Nathan and I are like a toxic chemical reaction. Why can’t I have what Victoria has with him? I want to mesh with Nathan like she does, not rub him the wrong way every time we encounter the other.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the duo.

“Better be quiet Victoria. We have a master snitch and liar here…She’s even trying to snag my girl away.” Nathan leaned back on the desk to airily look over Max, measuring her up.

“And a paparazzi. I want that photo, whore. Or I get nasty.” Victoria evil glared holes at Max’s arm around mine.

“Too late.” Max removed her arm from me to walk up to Victoria and cross her arms. “You’re already the nastiest girl at Blackwell.”

Damn Max. That was a good comeback. Double innuendo always makes a comeback funny and insulting. Victoria is mean and she does get around with the local Blackwell hotties. Rich kids like her go through people like toys.

“Oh burn!” Nathan rolled his head back as he laughed at Max’s feisty reply. “Max is so fearless when she has backup, huh Clarissa? You her bodyguard now?”  
I opened my mouth to retort his comment, but Victoria interceded on my behalf.

“Oh Nate don’t be absurd. Clarissa is just being a good samaritan and taking pity on the socially awkward loser hipster with no friends. I totally admire that. I certainly couldn’t associate myself with the dregs of society.” Victoria warmly smiled in my direction before she turned her scathing glare back on Max. I hate Victoria so much.

“Come on now, this is school not a war zone. Can we please agree to just cease and desist?” I moved a curl back behind my ear. I shouldn’t have bothered coming over here with Max. If defend Max then Nathan is going to be more pissed than he already is at me and if I don’t defend her then Max is going to be pissed at me. This is a no win situation.

“Right, can I sit at my table now?” Max rolled her eyes at the drama occurring on her behalf.  
Victoria roughly stood up from the table, making the desk screech against the floor. Her beady eyes followed Max as she circled her prey like a vulture.

“Don’t get cocky. This isn’t over. You’re lucky Clarissa was here to hold your hand.” Victoria took her leave of Max with a confident flick of her hand in goodbye. Nathan stood up to follow her.

“In fact, shit’s just getting started Max.” Unlike Victoria, Nathan got right up in Max’s face to deliver his warning.

“Assholes.” I heard Max mutter under her breath. She took her seat in her chair.  
I was violently jerked backwards into a sturdier body.  

 “You belong with me Ris.” Nathan’s cologne filled my nose as he wasted no time in securing me in his hold. I was pressed right up against his side with no way of escaping. Possessive dick.   
The two rich kids had moved to stand behind Victoria’s table.  

“Nate is right. Don’t hang around that loser too much.” Victoria relaxed into her typical pose of bent knees and hand on her hip.

“You two are so cute together.” She delicately moved her hand onto her cheek.

“Nathan I really need to get to science before the bell rings.” I ignored Victoria’s attempt to start a conversation. I’d prefer to leave these two alone. I’m still upset with Nathan and I will not deal with Victoria’s fake friendship.

“Fuck your class. Your straight ‘A’ average isn’t going to go to shit from a few tardies.” Nathan refused to let me leave his side. This fucked-up version of jealousy and possession that we have going on isn’t healthy for either of us. 

“Nathan.” I looked up into his blue eyes pleading with him not to start a scene.

“Clarissa.” He looked down into my brown eyes asking me for something I couldn’t understand.

Victoria uncomfortably glanced looked between us, debating if she should strike up another conversation or convince Nathan to let me go.

The ring of the bell put a stop to the boy vs girl showdown going on between me and Nathan. Great, now I’m late for science.

“Okay, I know you love me, but if you’re not in this class, beat it. Everybody else, please sit down. We have a lot to cover today and so little time as usual.” I winced as I heard dad’s booming voice over the ring of the bell. I subtly tried to keep my head down as Nathan lead me out. 

Super great, I’m late for science and dad knows. I’m going to be in for another dressing down.

“I see all the usual suspects here.” Dad ventured a dark look at Nathan’s hand tugging mine out the room.“Anybody seen Kate Marsh?” I looked away from thin frown directed at me and stared at the back of Nathan’s red jacket instead. Dad stopped watching me to take another look around the classroom.

“I think everybody’s seen Kate Marsh by now.” 


	9. Mt. Washington

 

 

 

_"I don't have to see you right now, I don't have to see you right now"_

000000000000000000000000

 

"Dismissed." Dad wearily said as his entire classroom of students ran out. I had to shove against the sea of kids coming out the door. I saw dad sitting on a table rubbing his forehead in irritation.

What is going on?

"Clarissa, do you know what's got the student body fleeing the school into the pouring rain?" Dad acknowledged my presence with a nod before he pushed his glasses back up on his nose.

"No. I came here to ask if you knew. One minute, Ms. Grant was giving her lecture and then everybody was running out." He looked to me for answers, but I had none. I was too busy passing notes with Warren, to know what was going on. He was so excited about Max being a potential science star after she helped him with his experiment by telling him to add chlorine to the mixture. It seems the only thing that will get him to talk to me now is positive encounters with his crush.

"All I know is that Zachary ran into my class shouting about the girls' dormitory...So that's where we need to go." Dad pushed himself off the table to stand up. He made his way out the classroom and gestured for me to follow.

I have a bad feeling about this. Rain is always a prequel to a bad event.

By the time we got to the dorms, the entire student body was there, each with their phones pointed at the sky.

"Did you see that!" A random student called out.

"Is this for real?!" Juliet was clinging onto Dana looking around at the other students.

"Bitch flipped out!" Logan shouted while shoving Zachary.

"I didn't think she was that messed up." Courtney uttered the words in disbelief.

So many voices were talking that I felt dazed from the effort of listening to all the activity going on. To make matters worse, freezing icicles of rain are angrily pouring down along with sharp cracks of thunder. This is malevolent weather. I pushed myself through the transfixed students to get to the front, forgetting about dad all together.

I risked turning my gaze upwards, blinking away the raindrops invading my eyes.

"What the fuck have I done?" I could barely get the words out as I saw the familiar black and white outfit of Kate Marsh standing on the rooftop.

No. No. No. No. No. No. I shouldn't have looked.

She can't kill herself. I didn't want her to die. Not Kate. I was just doing as I told.

"Kate! Oh god, I have to do something to help her." I vaguely registered Max off to my side, panicking.

I wanted to yell at Max to save Kate. She's the only one that could make it to her in time. If Max can make to Kate, she could talk some sense into the suicidal girl.

The screams of hundreds of students startled me. I held my breath as looked back up at Kate.

This can't be happening!

Kate had jumped off the roof. Her body is rapidly falling towards the ground.

My heart stopped. She's going to die.

"She can't die! She can't !" Max's frantic voice reflected my own terrorized thoughts.

Just as Kate's body was inches from the ground, the telltale signs of a rewind activated.

_ReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverse_

Kate's body effortlessly moved backwards to the top of the roof. A flock of crows I hadn't noticed before, were pulled back past me.

"Not again, not now…" Max wobbled on her as the rewind stopped. Blood leaked out of her nose. Is that the drawback for her using the rewind power?

For a second time, I heard the students scream as Kate's body plunged off the roof.

This is so fucked up. Didn't Max just rewind? Why is this all happening so quickly?

Max prepped herself again to use her powers. "I have to try something…I won't be able to rewind again and again…" She struggled to stand straight and raise her hand again as Kate's body nearly reached the ground.

_ReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverse_

Again, Kate's body went against physics and returned to the top of the roof.

I can't keep watching this over and over again. I can't take it. I feel so sick.

The rewind suddenly stopped, but I heard nothing. It was completely silent around me.

The world is frozen in time.

All the students were caught in their last movements before the rewind stopped. This is utterly freaky. Is this the end of time or something? How could Max be capable of something like this? This power of hers is growing increasingly stronger.

"Keep…Going…Max…You…Can…Do…It." Max was muttering to herself again. She determinedly tried to walk despite her shaking body betraying her desires.

I can help her. I can help both of them.

"Max!" I called out to her.

She visibly jolted . "C-Clarissa?! H-How?" Her breathing was ragged and Max was pushing her arms forward like she was struggling against some invisible force.

"That's not important right now. What's important is that we have to get to Kate before whatever this is, wears off!" I ran over to her, wasting no time.

"Let me help you up to the roof." I tugged one of her arms over my shoulder and let Max lean most of her weight on me. Her body was even colder and wetter than mine.

We have to stop Kate. I'll never forgive myself if she dies today.

"Right…Questions later."

00000000000000000000000000

"Yes…" Max uttered. We had made it to the roof after struggling our way up flights of stairs for minutes or hours. I couldn't tell how long it took to get Max up all those stairs in her condition, when time was frozen like it is.

"We made it Max…" I panted as I let her slide off my shoulder. Carrying Max was quite the workout since the girl was practically dead weight the entire journey. Still I managed to pull it off, knowing that Kate's life depended on me getting Max up here.

Max took a deep breath before she approached Kate. This is a delicate situation and needs to be handled correctly. I'll let Max take the reigns on this since I don't think Kate will appreciate my presence. I was such a dick to her earlier. If I knew it was going to come to this, I would never have been so cruel to her.

Max was halfway to her blonde friend when whatever power that was holding things still, vanished. Instantly, the rain came during back down with a vengeance. An intense bout of nausea almost crippled me into a fetal position. I pressed against my stomach. Please don't let this cause an attack. I can handle the sickness, but not the coughing. I don't have my inhaler.

Max's body tilted momentarily and she raised her hand to activate her power another time. The effort only caused her another wave of pain and nose bleed. The cry of pain caught Kate's attention.

"What're you doing here, Max and you too Clarissa?" Her despondent eyes stared past the two of us.

"We're here to help-" I started walking towards Kate since Max was still hunched over in pain.

"Stop! Don't come near me!" Kate protested and threateningly took a step back to stop either of us coming any closer to her. I immediately froze, not wanting to agitate Kate into carrying out her threat of jumping.

Max looked between the two of us and repeatedly kept moving her hand to get her powers working. "Not now…It won't work…I don't have any power…Now I have to do this by myself…" Max frantically whispered to herself as she wobbled back and forth like a falling tower. Now you realize that the rewind can't solve everything Max?

I took hold of Max's shoulders to help keep her balanced and prevent the girl from tipping over. You're the only one who can help her. Kate's already proved she doesn't trust me. You've got to pull yourself together, Max.

"Did you come to get another Pulitzer shot like yesterday, Max? Are you another one of my fake friends like Clarissa?" The barrage of raindrops hitting Kate's face made her look absolutely miserable. Kate's clothes are bogging her down and her normally vibrant blonde hair is muddy brown and covering her face. The downcast image I'm seeing of Kate is terrifying in its own way. I'd never thought I'd see misery personified in a person.

"I'm so sorry Kate. I thought I could help, but not by taking a picture. I'm ashamed…" Max pleaded. I squeezed her shoulders to encourage Max. At least keep her talking. Maybe someone will make it up here.

"I know you're scared of David. He's scary. And I know you only want to help."

Max pressed forward. "I let you down and I'm sorry. I only want to help you."

"I'm so sorry too, Kate. You're right, I should have been a better friend to you. I was being selfish and inconsiderate of your position. I was stupid to say all those things to you. Please let us help you." My hands had found themselves gripping onto Max's arm in a death grip. We had both taken slow steps closer to Kate. I truly don't want this innocent girl to do this.

"I wish you two could…It's too late now. There's nothing here for me anymore…" Kate cried.

"Kate, your life is still yours. And we can get through this together. Let me help." Max placatingly reached her hand out to Kate.

"You're such a liar! You wanted to help by ignoring my phone call? At least Clarissa answered when I called, even though she was no help at all." Kate's reddened eyes glared at the two of us, for our neglect.

"I was with Chloe and she was having a serious problem too. I'm sorry." Max lowered her hand in guilt. No Max, you can't let her beat you down, you have to keep fighting for her to come down.

"Apparently her problem is worse than mine. So why even bother with me? I'm done anyway." Kate took a step back on the ledge.

"Wait!" I shouted. "She didn't mean your problem is any less important Kate. It just goes to show how much Max cares about her friends. And she cares about you too and if you come down she'll give you the same love and attention…I know I fucked-up our friendship and we'll never be as close again, but believe me when I say Max cares about you, she really does." I don't care about anything else right now, but getting her down from here. I will do and say whatever it takes to get Kate off that ledge, regardless of my stupid high school image or the mess I'm creating from being too involved in this debacle. I have to try to save her.

"And no you're not done Like Clarissa said, I'm here for you." Max got her resolve back from hearing my words. "Katie, please trust me. Come stand by me, okay? I can help you now…I know I can."

"The fact that you don't care about that video and would come up here to stop me means a lot." Kate looked at Max first, then turned to address me. "And you came too, even though we both said some unforgivable things to the other. You two are the only ones putting in any effort to show you care."

Yes. I hope we're getting through to her.

"Of course. Like I said this morning, I think Nathan is invalid. I just need time to prove it. And I have a way with time…" Max didn't look at me when she mentioned Nathan.

I didn't add anything to this new line of topic. I can't say anything about Nathan, without Kate become hostile. The truth is even worse than what these two think happened and that knowledge will make Kate jump.

"You sound so persuasive, Max…If only…." Kate trailed off.

Max walked forward. "Kate I believe you. Will you believe me? Please you don't have to do this."

"Max, I'm in a nightmare and I can't wake up….Unless I put myself to sleep. Then everybody at Blackwell can post pics of my body….I'm already on the internet forever. No wonder they call it a 'web'-nothing can ever get out. Like my video…I wish I could go back in time and erase everything…" Kate covered her face in shame.

"Kate this is our chance to beat the bullies. That's the only way we can win against them."

"Max is right. Just be strong for a little bit longer and then that video will be forgotten. People will find a new piece of drama to latch on to and they'll forget all about you. You can get past this Kate. You will get past this, I promise." I stepped back in the conversation to persuade Kate down from the ledge.

"Can we really? I don't believe in miracles anymore either. How can I keep living like this. I can't find the strength to get up in the morning. All I want to do sleep and never wake up." Kate lowered her hands. Good, at least she's opening back up to us.

"Now, I do believe in miracles. You're part of the reason why. If you come down with me, I can tell you more of how you inspire me and so many others…" Max hopefully smiled at Kate.

"You're truly a wonderful girl Kate. You're one of the few good people in this world. You don't deserve an ending like this." I followed Max's lead and vigilantly moved forward. I'm tired of this, my nerves can't take much more of Kate being on that ledge. Maybe, if I get close enough I can grab her.

"That's nice to hear, you're such a good person, Max. And you, Clarissa are good friend despite your short-comings. Even if it sounds like you're both full of crap…You're both still my friends." Kate sadly smiled at her feet.

"For life. Can we hug on it?" Max steps closer to Kate, almost getting within touching distance.

I think we've gotten through to her.

"We are. So please come down now." I stood right next to Max holding my arms out to either help her down or in a last ditch effort, snatch her off the ledge. I hope this is the last time I have to ask her to come down.

"No…Nobody cares about me!" Kate rapidly shook her head, denying truths she once believed. "I can't trust any of you!"

I thought we were making head way, but I guess not. She won't believe anything we're saying. I don't know how I can convince her to come down. I've lost her trust and nothing I say is going to matter to Kate.

Daddy, what do I do? I just want her to dome down. Why aren't you here to help me when I need you the most?

"Kate this will crush your father. You think he cares about a video? He loves you unconditionally." Max's words brought me back from my moment of hopelessness.

Kate's father. I love my father, surely Kate would never want to hurt her parent. I can try one more time.

"Don't make your family bury you, Kate. I don't think any parent would be able to live with the death of their child hanging over them. Don't put them through this. You have sisters too, right? They'll be just as devastated if you die. If you feel like you can't trust anybody else, then trust that your family cares about you. Trust that your family will never be the same without you in it." I unconsciously held on to my locket as I expressed those heartfelt words with Kate. I couldn't even begin to imagine making my father deal with my suicide. He'd lose himself in grief and never be able to come out of it. He still cries over mom's grave to this day. If I leave him then he'll be all alone.

"Dad does care…And my sisters…Even though I hurt them…They're the only ones that I know who believe in me…Oh Clarissa, you say such beautiful things sometimes…I do love my family." Kate conflictingly said.

Max stepped right in from of Kate. "See you're not alone. And nobody down there wants to see you up here. This isn't the end Kate. There's no way God doesn't have big plans for you here…"

"Nice try, Max. But God put me on this roof." Kate shouted as she mockingly shrugged her shoulders in defiance.

"Suicide is a sin, isn't it? If you believe in Hell…You might end up there. I don't want that to happen…" Max reached for Kate's hand.

"What difference does it make? I'm already in Hell anyway." Kate ignored Max and snatched her hand out of Max's reach. She turned her back on us to face the hundreds of eyes watching her.

No! I will not let this scene replay itself another time.

"Katie please don't!" I rushed over to grab her, not caring that I could go down with her.

"No!" Max screamed as my body went halfway off the ledge in an attempt to grab Kate. Max held on to my waist to keep me from going over while I held on to to the sleeve of Kate's jacket.

"Let me go Clarissa! Let me be at rest!" Kate screamed as she fought with me to let go. She scratched and clawed at my hand to make me let go.

"No fucking way! I won't let go! Max, pull me up! Pull me up!" I fought to keep my grip on Kate, knowing if I let go I'd lose her forever.

I'm not letting you die Kate Marsh. I won't. I won't. I won't.

"Ugh! I-I can't. Fuck!" Max tried her best to help me pull, but fate had already decided the outcome of this encounter.

"Goodbye." Kate sent us one last tearful smile as the sleeve of her coat tore from the tension of two opposite forces pulling at it.

"Katie." I cried as her body fell.

For the last time, Max and I watched Kate's body free-fall downwards to her death. The sickening crack her body made upon impact with the ground pushed me over the edge.

There's so much fucking blood. Oh god. Her body is brokenly sprawled on the ground like a disfigured puppet cut from its strings. People are screaming and running around like angry ants. This can't be real!

I can't. I collapsed onto my knees and broke down in tears. I don't want to hear anymore screams. I covered my ears to save myself from hearing the repeating sound of Kate's body hitting the ground and the resounding screams.

Arms wrapped around me and rocked me back and forth. I continued crying without a care for who could see my breakdown.

I tried so hard to save her and failed. I couldn't save her. I was useless. Why would the world do this? I try to do one good thing and I fucking screw it up.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Kate. Kate. Kate. I couldn't save you. I killed you. I hurt you. I'm a monster.

I'm a fucking monster. A monster. Monster. Monster. Monster.

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"I know this isn't pleasant for any of us, but we have to go over what happened before Ms. Marsh…Before she did what she did. Officer Berry will be taking notes for the official police inquiry. I'm sure you'll give him your full cooperation. Such a tragedy…But there must be a reason for everything." Principal Wells paced his desk as kept talking. "We need to find out why Kate Marsh would be driven to such a desperate action. As principal of Blackwell Academy, I take my duties seriously. I take the well-being of every student more seriously. What happened today should have never happened in a hall of wisdom and knowledge."

The principal continued to drone on. Why won't he stop talking? I can't listen to any of this. I want to go home. This office is too stuffy.

There are a bunch of people cramped together in this office. Officer Berry is here, standing passively in the corner. Mr. Madsen is lurking by Nathan's chair. Dad is supportingly standing by my side, occasionally patting my head whenever I let out a whimper from my never-ending tears. Max isn't in a better condition than me, she's silently crying, smearing her mascara around her eyes. She's in bad shape. She has no one to comfort her. Max held me when I cried. She was there for me when I've been nothing but antagonistic to her. In a rare moment of genuine compassion, I lightly held her hand, not caring how sweaty and clammy it felt. Max squeezed back as she tried to calm down enough to pay attention to the conversation.

The Principal stopped his useless speech to start laying blame on everyone involved, but himself. He chose to start with the security guard.

"Mr. Madsen, as our head of security here, those roof doors should always be locked. That's just standard operating procedures. They were not. And that is indeed your responsibility."

Mr. Madsen remained stone-faced at the critique of his failure. Once a solider always a soldier….I shouldn't think so badly of him either. He helped me walk down the stairs. He was caring to me when I needed it. Maybe he's not a complete enemy. Maybe, I've been misjudging everyone. I'm just like Mr. Madsen, always thinking the worst of people and treating them like they are nothing. I have to stop.

Principal Wells turned to dad.

"Mr. Jefferson, I know you can't be expected to know what your students are going through, but Kate has assisted you in class, so you should have known something was amiss."

Dad for his part looked uncomfortable from the accusation. I know he must be feeling pretty shitty on the inside…He should have never brought us back to Oregon.

Nathan was next on Well's list.

"Mr. Prescott, since you are responsible for the Vortex Club parties…And since Ms. Marsh did attend your last party, you'll have to answer some more questions."

Nathan appeared calm, but I could see him constantly fidgeting in his seat. He must be so torn up too. I have to talk to him. I need to apologize to being so stupid and such a bitch to him today. I don't want to fight with him anymore. I can't lose Nathan too. I don't want to continue being this nasty person anymore.

I wasn't prepared for Principal Wells to turn on me, stopping my degrading self reflection.

"Ms. Jefferson, I understand that you have a lot on your plate with clubs and after school activities, but you are one of Blackwell's student mentors. And if I can recall correctly you were in some the same clubs as Ms. Marsh. Surely you could have noted a drastic change in Ms. Marsh's behavior and reported it to a faculty member…And you were present as well at the last Vortex Club party, I'll need you to answer additional questions also."

I could only dumbly nod at the verbal assault I rightly received. I could have done so much more to prevent Kate from…

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

A gentle pat on my head accompanied my quiet sob.

Principal Wells lastly addressed Max.

"Ms. Caulfield, why exactly were you and Ms. Jefferson on the roof with Kate Marsh? Did she tell you her plans? Or anything at all? Please, tell us everything." Wells sat down at his desk and clasped his hands together as he penetrated Max's small form with his stare.

Max looked around the room at everyone present. She looks extremely put off by the attention. Everyone, but her got lectured and instead she's the one put on the spot to explain a girl's suicide. I squeezed her hand to get her attention off the crowd. Max is courageous enough to try to save a girl's life, but she can't handle speaking to multiple people, her social anxiety prevents that. Max looked to me before she took a deep breath.

"All I know is that Kate was at a party and Nathan dosed her. She got wasted and kissed some boys on a viral video without a clue." Max finished her statement to hatefully glare at Nathan, blaming him for Kate's….

I miserably sighed as I relinquished my hold on Max's hand to let my face fall into my hands, supporting the weight of my aching head on my knees. Why is everything going to hell? I know she couldn't say anything about time stopping or her rewind power, but why does she have to start with this nonsense now?

"I dosed her? Without a clue? Have you seen the video. Whatever." Nathan's voice was incredulous before it became hostile. "Kate was loaded and playing the field-"

Max cut Nathan off. "You're a liar. You told Kate you took her to the emergency room."

I listened to Max and Nathan argue. Why won't they stop blaming Nathan? She's blaming the wrong person. I'm the one she should be blaming for all this. I invited Kate to the party. I slipped the drug in Kate's drink. I didn't stop Victoria from recording Kate. I'm the one who sent those horrible texts to her. I pushed Kate away. I'm the one who really killed her…Her death is on my hands.

I'm a fucking monster.

"I said I was going to take her to the ER. She sobered up eventually."

"Bullshit! Something happened to her and you know it. How about we talk about you waving a gun in the girls' bathroom-"

Nathan's enraged voice went up in volume as he interrupted Max. "Hey, that's total slander! I could sue you and this school so fast!…I already have a personal lawyer."

Why can't I just go home already? I can't take this anymore!

The bickering was brought to an end by the Principal slamming his hand on his desk. "Careful, Mr. Prescott. I have been told of this alleged gun incident. And I have to admit that the video in question was sent to me by multiple sources."

"Including me." Mr. Madsen interceded. Why the hell would he have a copy a video?

"And since Mr. Prescott does appear prominently in the video and was responsible for the party, I have no choice but to suspend him until further notice." Principal Well's final judgement caused me to look up in shock. How could he expel Nathan, knowing how furious his father is going to be? When Sean Prescott hears of this, he's going to come down to the school. If he comes here, he's going to want to talk to dad. I don't want Sean Prescott anywhere near us. This is all his fucking fault in the first place! That rich, manipulative, blackmailing, son-of-a-bitch.

"Whatever. See you in court." Nathan apathetically held his hands behind his head like he got a detention instead of an indefinite suspension.

"Excuse me," Dad inserted himself in the conversation after his prolonged silence. "I think my daughter, Max, and Nathan need a break before we grill them further. A friend and fellow student is dead…They don't need this forum right now."

"Yes, I'm kinda devastated right now. I'd like to be with my family." Nathan readily agreed with dad so he could get out the office before he lost his shit.

"All right, Ms. Caulfield, please sign here to confirm what you've told us. I'll continue this investigation from there." Wells slid an official document he received from Officer Berry, in front of Max.

I don't look forward to having to sign a similar document after being interrogated by the Principal and police officers. I'll have to spin more lies to cover up old lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. I'm sick of the deceit.

Max took the blue pen offered to her and signed off 'M. Caulfield' on the document. She didn't even hesitate when she signed off that a boy drugged another student. Those are serious charges being pressed against the wrong person.

"Well I think we know less now than when we started. We'll be assisting the police with their further inquiries. I know this has been a stressful day…I wish I had the power to change it all for the better…So thank you, for coming in."

What an understatement. This day has been a fucking nightmare.

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"It's okay Clarissa. Let it all out of your system." Dad is soothingly rubbing my back and holding my long tresses far away from my face.

Once we had made it out of the school and into the parking lot, I ran to the nearest trash bin and proceeded to vomit out the entire contents of my stomach. I had held back the sickness originating in my stomach for too long. The constant flow of queasiness was so violently affecting me that I cried from how my weak legs barely held my convulsing body up and the revolting taste of bile escaping my mouth. I don't know how long I've been emptying my stomach into this trash bin.

I can't believe I killed sweet, sweet, Kate Marsh. I ruined her life. I've ruined so many lives of so many people. I can't keep going on like this. I thought I could force myself to do what needed to be done for the sake of dad, but I'm too weak for this. I can't subject another girl to this tragedy. I want to run away. I want to forget any of this ever happened.

"Shh, shh, shh, Claire. It'll be alright…Come on. You need to get up so I can take you home. That's what you want, right sweetheart. You want to go home?" Dad was uselessly trying to get me to stand back on my feet, but I wasn't budging an inch.

When did I even end up on the ground? I must look so pathetic with my dirty, black, dress and wild, messy, red, hair. I wore a this fucking dress that looks like formal wear for a funeral. How could I wear this dress? I'm throwing this shit away the first chance I get. I never want to wear this depressing fucking color again. Black is death. Death. Death. Death. Kate wore so much black.

"Oh, god. This is turning into another episode…" He gave up trying to get me on my feet, rather he slipped his arms under my legs and around my shoulders.

"Don't worry sweetheart, Daddy's going to take care of you. Just like he always does. You're safe with me." Dad repeatedly kept reassuring me that it was going to be alright while he carried me to his Porsche.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I rubbed at my puffy eyes. I couldn't stop babbling apologies to him and everyone I couldn't say the words to. I owed an apology to many people and some of them would I would never be able to beg forgiveness from. Kate Marsh, the sweet angel. Rachel Amber, the stunning star. My mom, who I never got to meet.

Dad put me down as he reached the passenger side of the car. He clicked the unlock button on his keychain and opened the door to help me into the seat. He panted from the effort of carrying the full dead-weight of a teenage girl.

"No, no. It's not your fault honey. None of this is your fault, okay. I'm the one who forced you into this. I'm the bad father…Just sit here and listen to your music alright." After he secured me in the seatbelt, he softly enclosed my hands around my iPod.

Where did he get this?

"O-Okay." I hiccuped the words out. I'm acting like such a baby, but I can't control it.

"Good girl." Dad kissed me on the head before he shut the door.

I plugged the headphones into my ear and clicked on my favorite song. The strumming of a guitar blurred out the outside world to me.

" _Face stained in the ceiling"_

I set the iPod on my lap. The rapid beating of my heart is starting to slow down. I still feel a painful ache in my chest though. I'll never get rid of this pain.

" _Why does it keep saying"_

My head fell back to the seat. I began playing with my locket. This locket has been one of my most treasured possessions besides that old camera I keep under my bed. This locket feels cold and heavy.

" _I don't have to see you right now"_

I've hurt so many people with my selfish actions. I could have said no to all of this. I didn't have to come with dad to Arcadia Bay. He told me that I could have stayed with my mother's family in Riverport, Massachusetts, but I was scared of leaving him alone and not having him as a constant in my life. Did I make the right choice?...I haven't seen Uncle Paulie or Grandma and Grandpa in two years. Dad and I used to visit them all the time. I should call them soon.

" _Digging like you can bury"_

The door on the driver's side opened. Dad tiredly dropped into his seat. He started the car after buckling in. I felt the cold blasts of air hit me from the air conditioner. He pushed his glasses up and rubbed at his eyes, visibly deflating. He looks so old and broken.

How much easier would dad's life be without me in it to screw things up for him? I'm dragging him down.

" _Something that cannot die"_

Dad shifted the gears, slowly pulling out of the parking lot. The car subsequently came to an abrupt halt from the brakes being immediately hit. My stomach lurched from the action. I think I might vomit again.

" _Or we could wash the dirt off our hands now"_

I looked over at dad to see what made him stop like that.

Principal Wells had appeared near the front of the car from nowhere. He walked over to dad's window to talk to dad about something. The Principal looks as grim as he did before in his office.

" _Keep it from living underground"_

I don't care enough to listen in on what they're saying. I've had enough climatic events occur today, my mind can't handle anymore surprises.

" _Lazy summer goddess"_

I pushed the button to turn the volume up and turned to stare at the orange sky.

What the fuck?! There's an eclipse going on in the sky. How is this possible? The temperature has suddenly dropped too, from the chilly breeze coming from the window.

" _You can tell our whole empire"_

What the fuck is going on in this crazy, shitball, town? First a snow shower and now an eclipse in the sky. Was Nathan right? Is a storm really coming to this town? Is this the end of the world? This week is beginning to feel like a series of unfortunate events preceding an apocalypse.

" _I don't have to see you right now"_

The car finally moved again. Dad looks highly upset. What did Wells say to him? Did it have something to do with me? It had to have been about me coming in for questioning. Is Wells going to question dad too, since he's the teacher in charge of the Vortex Club?

I don't want to think anymore…I'm too exhausted…I want to go to sleep and never wake up.

" _I don't have to see you right now"_

 


	10. You and I

 

 

 

_"But right now I can't be what you want, just give it time"_

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"I'm too old to be carrying you like this. I'm going to end up breaking my back. This was cute when you were barely up to my waist and decked out in pigtails." Dad huffed as he set me down on my bed. The bed dipped under my weight.

I had eventually stopped crying during the car ride back to the apartment. My body just had become too worn out to keep producing tears. While my physical self remain catatonic my mind kept itself busy by replaying the scene of Kate's fall over and over again, much like Max's rewind. Only the scene replaying in my mind was of Kate clawing at my arm and screeching at me for betraying her as she slipped from my grasp toward the cement. Her poor angelic face was so sad as she screamed and turned to terror as she fell.

I laid motionless on the bed and stared at the blank ceiling.

Kate Marsh is gone.

"Claire you look terrible. You need to take a shower." Dad tried to get my attention by waving his hand over my eyes.

I continued staring at the ceiling hoping it would reached down and swallow me up.

What kind of person have I become? How did I let myself become like this? How could I have changed into this abomination?

"Claire, honey you have to take a shower. You specks of vomit and dirt on you, cuts and scrapes on your knees and hand, and your dress is still damp from the rain. You're a literal hot mess and you're going to get sick if you don't get it together." Dad wildly shook my shoulder, jolting my head in a wobble.

Understanding that he was frustrated with me, I let my body move on autopilot, not wanting dad to get livid. I got up to move in the direction of my dresser. Absentmindedly I grabbed some shorts and a shirt to throw on. I could hear his feet scuffing against the carpet as exited my room after seeing I was acknowledging his instructions.

Take a shower Clarissa, that's what dad told you to do. Just follow instructions. I swung the bathroom door open and set my change of clothes down on top of the toilet seat. The shower curtains shrieked as I yanked them back to reach the knob for hot water. The shower came on with a quick burst of steaming water, shrieking just as fiercely as the shower curtains did.

I don't like these sounds. Everything I'm hearing is reminding me of Kate screaming at me. I bet she's still screaming and cursing me wherever she is now. I hope she's in a better place at least. She deserves that at least.

I stripped down and tossed that horrendous black dress at the wall, never wanting to ever wear it again. The cold floor tingled against my feet. I stepped into the shower not liking the scalding hot drops of water hitting me. The water especially stung when it touched the cuts on my knees and wrists. I twisted the knob to make the water hotter, wishing I could burn off my sins. I could take a million showers and bathe in holy water itself, but I'd never again truly feel clean. I lost the right to purity when I involved myself in the heinous crimes of this town.

I coughed a little from the prevailing amount of steam surrounding me. How easy would it be for me to turn the water just a little hotter. This bathroom would be filled with suffocating steam causing my asthma to act up.

I could die. I deserve to die…If I died I could meet the people I've hurt and apologize to them. Beg them for forgiveness…I could meet mom for the first time. She could comfort me. Would she or any of them want to see me though I wonder? Would mom want to see her killer? Mom was so young when I was born. She still had her whole life ahead of her before I took that chance from her. So many of them still had full lives waiting for them before I snuffed out their lives.

I don't want to be like this. I wish I was more like mom. I wish I could look like her, maybe then I would have turned out like her. Mom had beautiful bright, red, hair and blue eyes. All the pictures I have of her are frozen portraits of her quirky laughing face next to my awkward dad half smiling. Only someone as lively as her could have gotten dad's attention and held on to it. It must have been her humor that battered his cynicism throughout the day. She looked so alive and happy. They looked happy before me.

Why couldn't I have turned out normal like my mother? I look too much like dad. My brown eyes sometimes brown or sometimes red hair are too similar to Mark Jefferson. I'm too much like him. He raised me in his image. We're both monsters.

I can't stand it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it.

I hate myself. I hate Clarissa Jefferson. I hate who I am. I hate who I've become. I hate being alive.

I held my head in pain from the ringing thoughts. My hair clung to my face. The sight reminded me of dried blood. Fed up, I savagely pawed at my itching eyes.

How many people actually hate me as much as I hate myself, I wonder? Kate hated me for not looking after her. I befriended her and then turned my back on her when she became too problematic to deal with. I hurt her before she could hurt me. I earned her hatred. Did you hate me too Rachel? Is that why you hurt me? You were the first person that understood me. You told me I could be myself around you. I didn't have to hide my growing apatheism or self-disgust when you were around. You were the first person I told, about my crush on Nathan. I even told you about my worst memory that I've pushed into the furthest reaches of my dark mind…I trusted you above all else…You betrayed me and I betrayed you….I failed you too, didn't I? I killed you by doing nothing. I had the power to save you and I chose not too because I was afraid.

How many other are going to suffer for my cowardice? How many more people am I going to hurt in this lifetime?

Is this all I am? A murderer. A monster. A murdering monster.

My mother would be disappointed. She'd never want to see me.

The stream had become unbearable to breathe in. I coughed and coughed.

I can end all this right now.

"Clarissa!" Dad's shout was accompanied by violent banging on the door. "Open this door! You've been in there too long. Don't make me break this door down."

Damn it.

He always interrupts me.

I turned off the water and waved away the clouds of steam. The banging stopped, but I could hear his keys jingling in his pockets from his pacing. I quickly dried off, putting the shorts and shirt on next. My hair was gathered into a messy bun and dripped down my neck.

As soon as I opened the door, I was greeted with dad's imposing figure towering over me. The billows of steam escaped into the hallway.

With one glance, somehow he could tell what I had contemplated doing in the bathroom. Somehow gleaned my crazed thoughts just from observing me. His face twisted into a displeased frown. Whether his frown was from my own attempt of self-destruction or from my failed attempt, as I looked up at him I pondered if this is how Nathan's father looks at his son.

"Go sit down on the couch so I can bandage your knees and hand." Whatever anger he felt was replaced with tired acceptance.

I obediently went into the living room and sat on the leather sofa. Why did he have to interrupt me? He could have been freed from the burden of parenthood. Freed from the burden of having a messed up child to raise.

The sound of jazz entered my ears. He had turned the tv on to his favorite jazz station. I'm not the only one who uses music to deal with stress.

Dad approached me with a box of band-aids and disinfectant. He sat down on the floor. Dad chose to start looking at my knees first. After inspecting the wound he sprayed the disinfectant.

He's not going to say anything about it. I can only imagine how inconvenient it must be for him to deal with my problems.

"Which one do you want Clarissa?" He waved the box of cartoon band-aids at me.

"The Iron Man ones." Inwardly I could feel amusement, but outside I couldn't express it. That funny box of Marvel cartoon figures had been my idea. I had insisted on getting that box instead of a regular box of bandages when I had spotted it in the grocery store. Dad had rolled his eyes at my boyish choice of supplies, but nonetheless he ended up buying them. I would have chosen Loki, but sadly his band-aids had been the first to go whenever I needed a patch up.

"Why did I even ask? You're obsession with Robert Downey Jr. knows no bounds." He pulled said band-aids out. He put two large Iron Man themed band-aids on my knees to cover the bruise. Dad then told me to hand him my wrist. He stared at the grisly puncture and scratch marks Kate had left when I placed my hand in his.

He repeated his previous actions for my knees on my wrist.

"Do you want to die, Clarissa?" Dad said.

I was caught off guard by the blunt question. Does he want an answer? Or is this one of his rhetorical questions that precede a lecture? He won't look at me either so I don't know if this is serious or not. He's never outright called me out on my irregular mannerisms.

"I said do you want to die Clarissa Sophia Jefferson?" He pressured me for answer while he strengthened his hold on my bandaged hand. This time he made the effort to look me straight in the eye from his lowered position. Brown met brown in an intense stare.

I don't like this. I'd feel better if he was standing and sneering at me in disgust. I can deal with an angry parent, but a sympathetic one unnerves me. I'm not entitled to sympathy. I don't want to tell him. I don't want him to know how much I truly hate myself. Hating myself is like hating him since I'm his mirror image reflected. He raised me from birth on his own. He took care of me. He's loved me. He's the only person that could ever love me. I don't want to hate him. I don't want to hate my father, but it's hard not to after all this.

"I deserve to die." I whispered so low that the wisp of air tickled my bottom lip.

I expected tears to come flowing out from that admission, yet none came. Am I not worth tears? Can I only cry over the fates of people I hurt? Is my own body telling me I'm not worth the effort of grief. How sad and pathetic I am.

"No…No you don't. And don't ever say that again." Dad rose from the floor to crumple on to the couch next to me. He removed his glasses and put them into a pocket on the jacket he was still wearing.

"You're my child. My only child. All these things I've been doing were to keep you safe. Safe from him. But I see now that I've corrupted beyond repair…I can't keep you here if that's the case Claire. I'm going to send you to live with your grandparents." He said all this while without looking at me as he rubbed at his damaged eyes.

Panic. Fear. The adrenaline of those feelings of panic and fear made lose all sense of reason.

"N-No! You can't send me away! I'll be all alone! I can't go to Riverport by myself and pretend like none of this ever happened." I stood up. The adrenaline is pumping too fast. My body is tingling too much. I feel like thousands of needles are piercing my skin. "Please don't send me away, Daddy. Not again!"

The absolute alarm rushing through me brought up images and memories I didn't want to process. Memories of him leaving me in Riverport with a young Uncle Paulie, of strange men appearing and asking about his whereabouts, of people following me and flashes of light, and worse memories…

I tightly grabbed on to the sleeve of his jacket. I held Kate's jacket the same way. I held on to her and I let her slip. I let her die. I can't let go of dad.

"Don't beg. I hate begging, Clarissa. You know this." He harshly reprimanded me for the slip of control.

"I can't go Daddy. I can't. I just can't." Still feeling out of control, I continued pleading with him.

I can't leave Arcadia Bay. I can't. I can't. I can't. If I try to leave he'll come after me again. He'll put me in the dark again. I don't want to be there. It's suffocating. It's cold. It's empty. It's lonely.

"Yes you can Claire. You have to leave because I don't want to continue seeing you miserable anymore. It's enough that I have to live with what I'm doing. But seeing you broken up about it, is too much…I won't cause you to take your life too." Dad brushed off my hysteria and left me to shut himself in his room.

My lungs are burning. My heart is racing. My body is on fire. I'm out of control.

Inhaler. I need my inhaler.

I sprung up and raced into my own room. Frantically looking around, I spotted my bag and tore my inhaler out.

In and out. Breathe in and out. Breathe in and out. Breathe in and out. I prolonged the internal mantra to calm myself down after the spray settled the mild attack. Weakly, I stood up from the carpet and went over to my bed. I allowed my purple sheets to envelop me in a shroud of protection from the outside world.

I can't leave. I don't want to end up locked in that dark room.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Inhale. Exhale.

The first time I tried to run away was last year after I first found out what dad was doing in his studio. I was at the airport. A group of men came and abducted me. No one did anything, they just stood there and let it happen. Those men in suits dragged me to a car in a shady alley. My legs and arms were tied up and my eyes were covered with a blindfold. I couldn't even scream either because my mouth was bound. They threw me into the trunk. I was trapped in that dark trunk for so long. Those men opened the trunk and stuck something into my neck. By the time I woke back up I was in a state of pitch black again. Didn't know where I was. I was so scared. I was alone in that deep darkness for too long until I heard a voice. The voice told me I couldn't escape because I was the leverage keeping my father in line. That voice said I'd never escape this town.

That was my punishment for running like a coward. He put me in there to teach me a lesson. I never told dad what he did to me…I'm too afraid and ashamed to tell dad about what Sean Prescott did to me. I only told one person about that experience and she's dead and buried in the junkyard.

I'm terrified. Mr. Prescott is going to put me back in the dark when he finds out about this. I don't even know what he did to me while I was in that room, the drug knocked me out. I'll be like the other girls caught in this madness. I'll be trapped in the dark room with no escape.

A knock on my door and the resounding creak of it opening broke me out of my delirium.

"Clarissa, I have to head back to Blackwell to help a student with their portfolio. Throw something on. I'm dropping you off with your friend Dana. I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone." Dad's voice hovered over me.

No, I'm safe here. I don't want to leave.

Dad untangled me from the safety of the blankets. He sighed at my distraught countenance.

He doesn't know.

"Claire. I know you're upset…I just want to do what's best for you. Even if that means excluding myself from your life…I promised Claudia I'd always take care of you." He pet my head. "We'll talk more about this later. Get dressed."

Dad said to get dressed. Listen to him.

After he left I went about changing for the second time. I slipped into a simple long-sleeved blue dress. I'm never wearing black again. I added a thick cardigan to protect me from the drop in temperature from the eclipse. With my school bag as my last addition, I'm ready to go back to the hellhole.

The vibrating buzz of a phone halted me from exiting my room.

" _Why were you on the roof with that girl? You shouldn't have gotten involved. You know how things work. Both you and Nathan are causing me unnecessary difficulties. We're going to have to discuss your story for the police inquiry and how your behavior is going to improve. I can't have you or Nathan destroying my business plans. Do better Clarissa Jefferson or you know what will happen. I have eyes on you at all times."_

The message was sent from a private number, but I know the sender could only be Sean Prescott.

I'm scared.

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"I'll be back to come get you later. Here's some money for lunch. Make sure you eat something. And I'll be calling to check up on you periodically. If you don't answer after two rings, I'm coming to find you." Dad rambled.

He handed me some money while ushering me into the entrance of the dorms. Dad made sure to walk me to my destination in order to ensure I got to Dana safely, considering my fragile state of mind. He'd have walked me to her door, but since he's not allowed inside the dorm, he settled for the entrance.

I nodded in response to him. Dad left me then to go meet up with his student.

I feel extremely unsettled being so near to the area where Kate…

Her small body had been shattered by the force of the collision. Her limbs were sprawled out leaking out red liquid. She didn't look so damaged and ruined from the roof, but when Mr. Madsen had brought us down I caught a glimpse of that beautiful girl's body desecrated by life. I remember I choked up seeing her and Mr. Madsen yanked me away, telling me not to look. How could I not look when I was the cause for her death. I had an obligation to witness the destruction I caused. If only I had held on a little tighter she could have lived.

I'm so sorry Kate.

At least some of the students had tried to show remorse for Kate's death by building a memorial board of pictures of Kate. The board looks slightly angelic surrounded by the burning candles and smiling photos of Kate Marsh. I'll bring a candle for the memorial later. I owe her more tha that. I owed her more than I gave her.

I slouched against back against the door. I don't want to see Dana and Juliet. I can't bare to face any of the students. I can't put on a mask for them right now. They don't know how horrible of a person I am. They don't know how I was involved in all this. They won't understand. I can't cry or grieve around their ignorance of the situation. This goes so much deeper than bullying and I'm trapped in it.

Nathan. I want to see him. He's the only one who will understand.

Nathan is under pressure like me. He must be just as stressed. His father, no doubt has sent him long messages degrading his behavior. Compared to my messages, Nathan's warning is sure to be much worse and sting deeper than mine does. I've seen how dismissive Sean Prescott is of his son, how much he despises having a mentally ill child. Nathan's father tries to beat the problem out of his only son. I've seen the purple and red bruises covering Nathan's body. It was unpleasant to look at and even more heartbreaking to hold Nathan as he sobbed over the treatment he received at home.

My father doesn't like acknowledging my issues either. Dad thinks I'll get over them in time, like a typical person. Unfortunately I haven't gotten better over these two years, everything's just gotten worse.

I can't keep going on like this. All the lives I've messed up since coming to Arcadia Bay. I'm not committing anymore crimes. I've tried putting my deeds out of my mind. I've tried convincing myself I was just doing as I was told. I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was trying to help my father out of a bad situation he got himself stuck in. I was trying to keep Nathan out of it. I was selfishly trying to make myself feel wanted and needed by the people I love. But I was wrong. Everything I did was so wrong and messed up. My actions caused two girls to die. I have to stop this. I have to stop this madness.

An annoying twitch on my nose interrupted my internal musing.

Going cross-eyed let me see that an insect was resting on my nose.

"Ahh!" I screamed. I swatted at my nose to remove the vile insect off. The tickle that came from the bug's presence gave me goosebumps. I hate all forms of bugs.

"A blue butterfly?" I walked closer to the door of the boys' dorm. There, sitting on the handle was a mesmerizing butterfly.

"There's something special about this thing." I quietly stepped a little closer, not wanting the bug to fly off.

For some reason this butterfly reminds me of Rachel Amber. It captures attention much like she did. Its wings seem to be vibrating. It must be that captivating shade of blue on its wings that remind me of her. Rachel always wore a blue earring with a similar shade to the butterfly. Now that I think about it, I've been seeing this shade of color all over. That girl from the bathroom had blue hair, there's been this blue jay flying around lately, and of course every picture I have of Rachel features her blue feather earring.

_Always take the shot._

Hearing dad's motto echo in my head urged me to pull out my camera. Before I took the shot I adjusted the lighting. After a moment of hesitation, I decided to turn the color back on. I want to capture the color for this shot, to see the life within this subject.

The butterfly flew away after the bright light startled it.

"How strange. That was more than just a butterfly."

I put the camera back up and entered the dorm. My nonstop thinking is carrying me all over the place. One of these days, my distracted thinking is going to get me in trouble. I stopped in front of Nathan's door debating on knocking. He erased the message I left on his slate board.

Leave me alone.

He wrote a warning on his board instead. Does he want to shut the entire world out? Does he want to shut me out too? Should I even bother him? We fought over stupid shit in the woods and then again in class. I was being such a childish bitch to him. No wonder he can't help getting angry at me. I'm already causing too much trouble for everyone in my life.

"Ris?!" Firm hands held me up upright and shook me.

"Nathan? How did you know I was out here?" I stood up straight with Nathan's hands still holding my arms.

"I heard something bang on my door. I came to see what it was and find you muttering to yourself like a lunatic." Nathan moved some of my hair away from my forehead and touched a spot there.

"Ow." I flinched from pressure on my forehead. Must have banged my head against the door without meaning to. I really need to get it together.

"Are you coming in or what girl?" Nathan let go of me and went into his room, leaving the door open for me.

I entered his familiar room that I was starting to spend more time in. Inside the black and white room I could smell the telltale signs of pot. The aroma permeated the air in a sickening blanket of smoke.

"Where did you get weed from? I thought you were out?" I ignored my aversion for drugs and took a seat on his bed. I watched him take a hit on his couch. Normally I'd be upset that he's taking drugs especially in front of me, but in this case I can't hold it against him. What happened with Kate was traumatic and Nathan has no understanding of how to deal with trauma.

"I got Hayden to lend me some. I would have chilled with him, but these whores came and dragged him off. That guy gets around." Nathan chuckled. He seems completely mellowed out. "It's cool though. I checked on Vic. Man, was she crying her fucking eyes out. She was tor the fuck up over the video she posted."

"Oh. Why didn't you stay with her?" There's no malice in my voice this time around when talking about Victoria. She's feeling the weight of her actions too. It's time to stop. It's time to stop playing with people like they're toys to be broken.

"Didn't need to. Courtney and Taylor showed up. I don't dow ell with crying girls. I stuck it out for Vic, but Taylor and Courtney added on is too much for me." Nathan lazily took another long drag out of his joint. He turned and laid back on his couch.

I suppose it was a good thing dad escorted me out of Principal Wells office then. Nathan would have been shocked and probably grossed out by my breakdown. I don't think Nathan has even really seen me vulnerable before, with the exception of the incident with Rachel and the few times we've discussed our reservations about the dark room proceedings. Though I've seen Nathan break down in tears from his actions, mainly back when he shot that girl in another time, or the maniac episodes where his rage takes over him completely. Once, Nathan had damaged his hand from breaking his window. He's never hesitated to show me how weak and vulnerable he feels on the inside. He trusts me. I want to repay that trust with my help, but all I manage to do is fail and push him further away.

"Are you okay Nate? How are you handling things after Kate…Do you want to talk about it?" My words were jumbled and filled with pauses.

I fiddled with my locket and kicked at my bag to keep my nerves under control. Talking about Kate Marsh is the last thin I want to do. I already know I'm responsible for her death. I don't need voice that knowledge out loud to someone else. I don't want to hear someone else tell me it's my fault. However, I don't Nathan to feel as though he's boxed in without anyone to turn to for assistance. I have to try to be a better girlfriend for him. I care about him. I don't want to lose Nathan. I have to be better. I can't be a monster. I don't want to be a monster.

"What's there to talk about? She's dead and she ain't coming back….She's gone." He avoided mentioning his own feelings.

Feeling uncomfortable, I laid down on his bed and desperately clutched onto a pillow.

"Kate was my friend, Nathan. And I did something horrible to her. I took her life away from her." I stared at Nathan's wall projecting some of his morbid art as I gave voice to what I had been thinking about since the roof incident, despite my reluctance to face it. I feel the wave of utter despair and guilt eating away at me again.

"I feel like absolute shit. I've never felt so horrible about something before…I don't really know what to do with myself. I even thought about killing myself. I almost did it too. Daddy stopped me."

The room was silent. I couldn't hear Nathan's occasional puffs from smoking. In fact I couldn't hear anything, but my pounding heart and heaving breaths.

"Why did he stop me? He wouldn't have to deal with me if he'd just left me alone a bit longer. I shouldn't be alive. I wasn't meant to live."

Something tugged at me.

"Shit. You're the last person I expected to have a meltdown. You're lucky I'm high as fuck right now. I said I don't like seeing girls cry, especially not you Ris." Nathan's whisper tickled my neck as his body curled up to me. "So quit crying. You're the one whose supposed to be the rock not me."

Dammit. I din't notice I had started bawling. Why can't I keep it together anymore? I can't fall apart like this.

"I'm sorry." I rubbed at my eyes. "God, you smell awful. I hate the smell of weed."

"Deal with it. My high is the only think making this hellish day bearable. You're not the only one who feels like a piece of shit…Wait a minute." He rolled off me to go back to the couch. "Here, take a hit and chill the fuck out."

Nathan held the rolled-up joint in front of my face, tempting me to lose myself in a haze. A small waft of smoke rose from the lighted end of the joint, from this distance I could equate the smell of marijuana to an oily herb scent.

"I-I don't know." Incredibly hesitant, I looked back and forth between Nathan's oddly patient smile and the burning orange of the rolled paper.

Alcohol was the only kind of drug I'd ever taken and even then it was in manageable doses. The burning buzz of beer and shots always helped dull my racing thoughts enough that I could enter a blind stupor, forgetting about all the dreadful things I've experienced in life. I could really use that kind of stupor now. My frustration from yesterday is nothing compared to how low I feel from the events of today.

"Just fucking do it. Weed is awesome. You won't feel depressed while you're high." Nathan flicked the joint at me in encouragement.

"What the hell." I gave in. I took the stick from Nathan and set the joint between my lips.

I took a deep inhale. The sensation of the marijuana entering my lungs was an odd feeling that caused me to cough some of it back up. My exhale sounded like choking hacks and pounded against my chest to alleviate the tightening in my lungs.

"Fucking amateur." Nathan was in hysterics from my blatant lack of experience with pot. His landing on the bed made it bounce a little.

"S-Shut up." I swatted at him with the pillow I had been holding on to. My hacks died down after a few more pounds on my chest. It's probably not the greatest idea for someone with weak lungs to be smoking now that I think about it. Smoking could easily cause an attack for me.

"Try it again newbie. It gets better after a few times." He continued laughing at me, but urged me on with soft pats on my back.

I carefully inhaled the smoke slowly this time. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of Nathan's comforting hand on my back as I let the smoke swirl out from my lips. I still choked a bit on the fumes, but it wasn't as bad the first time.

"Pft. You'l get the hang of it eventually." Nathan reached over and took his prized possession back.

For some time the two of us passed the joint from person to person, relishing in the euphoric haze of reality we were experiencing. The pot made my senses hyper aware of Nathan. His natural body heat felt like a solar heat wave next me. The fabric of shirt felt incredibly soft and tingly. Even his hair and eyes seemed liked they were glowing in radiance. Those blue orbs looked liked that shocking shade of blue I had been seeing so much and his hair looked like silks of gold spun by Rumplestiltskin. I haven't caught up with Once Upon a Time yet, I need to get on that.

"Man we are so going to jail Nate. I bet Mr. Madsen is going to come in and bust us like he did with Maxie. He doesn't like pot heads." I started rattling off nonsense that popped into my head.

"You're lying. That nerd got busted by the security guard?" Nathan shifted his legs around, adjusting to my head resting on his lap.

I nodded and giggled. "Yeah totally. My dad even called her out on it. She's turning into a bad girl, that Maxie."

"Geez, even Fuckerson wants to be a narc, huh. You're dad sucks. Like really sucks, Ris." Nathan ended up in a fit of giggles too. It seems my laughter is contagious.

"Noon…..No he doesn't." I tired to think of why dad didn't suck, but my mind was drawing a blank. "No, wait I guess he does suck….He really does. Dad's the one who got me wrapped in this crazy shit. The jerk."

I sat up feeling too overheated from my cardigan and took it of, throwing it towards the couch, imaging dad was sitting there frowning at me in disappointment.

"Ooooh! The daddy's girl finally sees the big bad wolf for what it is…You're dad sucks, my dad sucks. Fuck having parents. We don't need them. You and me can take care of ourselves just fine." Nathan finished off the last of the joint and got up to set the burnt out remains in an ashtray on his desk. The amount of force he used to stub the joint made me think that he was imaging his father being the target of his aggression like I was moments ago.

"You're so right. We don't need them. They can be dipsticks without us…Gawd damn! Why is it so freaking hot in here?!" Frustrated with my irregular body temp, I started taking of my dress. Surely I'll cool down in my underwear.

"Damn girl! Let me get some singles if you're going to strip." Nathan crossed his arms and leaned back against his desk while perversely surveying me.

I smirked and threw my dress at him, in an attempt to be sexy, but with my senses slightly off from the high, the dress landed on his chair. I must really have no hand-eye coordination, I never end up hitting my target.

"Why don't you strip for me instead Magic Mike?" I feel back onto the springy bed and kicked my legs in the air, satisfied at the coolness I feel from the lack of clothing.

I remember Nathan had lost a bet to mine over something and ended up going to see Magic Mike with me. He was really jealous every time I swooned over the guys taking their clothes off. Nathan shouldn't get jealous, I like seeing him nude the best.

"I'm no Channing Tatum, but this mikes still got magic in it. You wanna ride it?" His statement was followed with an exaggerated wink.

"Oh god! I can't believe you said that." I broke out some more chuckles from Nathan's obscene dirty talk. I covered my face in mortification from my erratic sense of humor. The weed is making me giggle too much and Nathan is saying ridiculous stuff he'd never say normally.

"So…" I could sense Nathan standing next to me from the heat next to my leg. "You want to go at it, you sexy babe?"

His giddy voice contradicted the sexual atmosphere he was trying to create. This more cute than sexy right now.

I gasped as he straddled me and heavily set his weight on me. I could feel how excitable he was at the prospect of intimacy. I'm flattered he wants me as I am. A different wave of heat flooded my body. I let my hands fall away from my face to stare into his pretty sapphire eyes. I could make gems out of those eyes of his.

"How can I say no when you're asking so nicely?" I lightly ghosted my fingers over his thighs, curiously seeing him twitch from the caress.

I'm starting to feel as excited as him. I guess Nathan was right. Weed is awesome for an escape. This euphoria is so amazing that it's a dizzy mess of sensations. I feel great.

"Hmm…You gotta be quiet though. No giggling or shouting. We don't want anybody else to know you're here." Nathan lowered his upper half down closer to mine.

Wow. His smile is nice to look at. He should smile more. I should do more things to make him smile.

"Who gives a fuck anymore. Everybody already knows we go at like rabbits." I said. "I'm tired of pretending and lying. Aren't you tired of it all Nate?" I cradled his face in my hands.

I had a moment of clarity in the haze. All these games of lies have gotten to me. I'll never be the same after how much I've dirtied my soul to keep people I love safe. I want to be clean again, to be able to look at myself and not want to smash the reflection.

Nathan's cloudy gaze cleared like mine and turned serious. "You said you wanted to forget things right?"

I guiltily looked down and let go of his face. I did say that and here I am making things depressing again.

"Don't waste our high on bothersome bullshit." He laid a chaste kiss on the side of my lips. "Focus on how many times I'm going to make you cry out for me since you want to scream." His sinuous words lifted my mood back up and a shudder ran along my core. Nathan nuzzled his nose against mine in response to my demure smile.

"Nate." I softly said.

In one fluid movement, his wet lips landed on mine. The scent of rain and smoke penetrated my nose. I eagerly breathed in his essence, taking pleasure in his affection. One of his hands reached behind my head and pulled off the hairband holding my messy hair together. His hands gripped onto the darkened tendrils of auburn, pulling me deeper into his abundant kisses.

This is something I never have lie to myself about. While it took a long for us to get this close, I never had to see Nathan's action as false overtures. He's not devious enough to try using me. His affection is purely genuine.

I raked my nails down the front of his shirt until I reached the bottom. Slipping my hands underneath, I repeated my earlier actions, only my hands were traveling upward. Nathan's chest flexed and trembled from the scraping I was subjecting him to. He gave me a hard kiss before he extracted himself from me to tear his shirt off his upper body. He's still so skinny compared to before, but he's still my Nathan.

I sat up as much as I could with him straddling me and peppered his stomach and waist with kisses, wishing I could kiss away his problems. I lowered the hem of his jeans a bit so I could reach that particular spot on hip that makes him quiver in pleasure. Nathan stood ramrod still on his knees while I kissed around that sensitive area for him and gently stroked him through his pants. He made me feel extraordinary last time we were together, this time I want him to feel good. I haven't been kind enough to him lately.

"D-Damn that feels good Ris." Nathan's voice became husky from the stimulation he was receiving from me. The drugs must be making him extra sensitive too, I'm only touching him through fabric.

"Mhmm, baby." I kissed him through his jeans and basked in his body's convulsion.

"Why don't you lay down Nate?" I muttered. I feel strangely in control. Every thing I'm doing to him is driving him more crazy than usual. I want to continue making him feel good. He's mine. Nathan is mine and nobody else's.

"Whatever you want sexy." He rolled off me to lie on his back, avidly letting his probing eyes roam over my body domineering over his. He must really be jovial from the weed. Nathan always like to be in charge during sex. Then again, the weed is making me more bold than I've ever been during sex.

I crawled closer to Nathan and reached for his zipper. I kept my brown eyes trained on his sapphire ones as his pants were unzipped. His pants were tugged off in one go. Only his boxers are keeping him hidden from me now.

"Got damn it. There you go bitting your lip again. Come here so I can touch you already." Nathan growled. I guess some things still stay the same even with weed.

I din't protest his request. I smiled and moved closer. His arms hauled me over him. I fell onto his enticing male body, relishing how good it always feels to be pressed against him.

"Then touch me, baby. I'm all yours." I kissed around his neck and moaned when his hands rubbed at my breasts. It still kind of hurts to be touched there, but I don't mind. I told him to touch me and I like the feel of his hands on me. While one of hands rubbed and pinched the other unclasped my bra. Nathan tugged the article off and used his warm hands to pleasure my tingling chest bared to him.

"Oh…" I moaned louder and ground my hips into his. My hips rolled in motion to the circular movements of Nathan's smooth hands. I had a hard time keeping my kisses chaste and soft on his neck when Nathan was riling me up.

"You asked for it, Ris." Nathan's flew to my waist to guide my jerking to match his own jerks. I sat up to make it easier to grind harder into him. My hair tumbled over my shoulder from the action. I combed some of my hair off to the side to keep it out my eyes. Nathan's eyes are too beautiful not to look at.

"You want me to ride you like you said Nate?" My lusty eyes connected with his, asking for an answer, but not caring for that answer. I said I wanted to make him feel something amazing. I want to be in control.

"Oh yeah…Your sexy ass can ride me, hard." With that answer we both separated and removed our last bit of underwear, leaving us in a heated frenzy of naked parts.

I slowly edged back to Nathan's alluring bare body, waiting for me to being our game. I recognized the erupting arousal pulsating in me for this one boy and how it badly wanted to connect with Nathan on a primal level. I stepped in front of him and wrapped my hands around his steady shoulders.

"Clarissa." Nathan reverently said my name.

I involuntarily smiled in response to his feelings. I feel so strongly for Nathan. I don't have to hide from him. "Nathan."

His arms picked me up and pressed me firmly on him, leaving every part of me touching him. We landed on his bed with me on top and Nathan beneath me, leaving me in charge of the dance.

Not wanting to wait anymore, I positioned myself above him and guided myself down, completely taking him all in.

"Oh, Nate." I couldn't stop the wanton whimper from coming out. It feels good. It always feels so good. Nathan is doing worse than me with his cry of pleasure.

"Go slow, Ris. I want to enjoy this." Nathan scrunched his eyes closed as he pushed himself to maintain control and not violently start thrusting.

"Okay, baby." I said. Nathan isn't the only one struggling with control. Oh the things I want to do you, Nathan. I just want to crush him into the bed as I ride out this amazing coupling. Moving steadily on him I hummed as the ripples of pleasure excited me. One of hands found their place on my hip in a rigid hold and I felt the other creep up to the place between my chest right beneath my locket. I placed my hand over his on my chest. I had to comb my hair back out of my face.

With effort on both our parts, we both continued the slow pace, building up for the peak. My hips rolled over and over as Nathan's hips thrusted up in tune with each of my moves. Occasionally Nathan would lean over and kiss my bandaged wrist next to his head. My pants grew more ragged as our pace made me year for more. Nathan's erotic look from his dilated blue hues wasn't helping me keep my cool either. He must be getting off on the sight of me naked and red as a cherry, gyrating on top of him.

Nathan's hand moved from underneath mine, traveling above and over my locket to my neck. He pressed against my jugular, making me tilt my head back. I can feel my hair tickling my back now from this new angle.

"Nathan…" I swallowed and felt his thumb bob on my throat. I can't stand this agonizing pace much longer. My body is pinning for completion. I moved faster on him needing to reach that level of pleasure.

"S-Shit." His hand abandoned my neck to join its other companion on my hip interaction to the change in tempo. Nathan's grip allowed him to pound harder into my core with every roll. I placed my hands on his stomach to keep me balanced. Faster. Faster. Faster. I can push us both over the edge.

"Fuck! Fuck. Fuck…" Nathan went on a cursing binge as he lost himself in the moment, no longer trying to control himself for my sake.

Nathan. Nathan. Nathan.

Together we pounded and pressed against each other, both using our friction to rush us towards an extraordinary finish we could only achieve together. Our bodies rocked against each other, never separating from our embrace.

I'm so close. I feel it. Nathan. Nathan. Nathan.

"Nate, oh baby!" I mewled out as that splash of pure bliss hit me like a tidal wave.

"Ris!" Nathan launched up to hug me to his chest as my walls tightly clenched him. "Ahh." He groaned.

I felt him empty himself in me. He buried his face into my shoulder. Our close position allowed him to reach his own peak. Nathan's sporadic final thrusts pushed my already tender core further over the edge into a second wave, knowing that my own climax triggered his own. We tightly held on to each other, riding out our combined euphoria.

We sat there locked in an intimate embrace, panting and sweating. I loosely combed through Nathan's wet brown hair. He lightly tugged on my hair to mimic my motions.

"I love you Clarissa."

Shocked by those words, I pulled Nathan's hair to make him look at me, to see if I imagined what I heard. I ignored his indignant growl from the harsh act.

"W-What did you say?" I uttered.

"I said I love you Clarissa." He looked me dead in the eye with the softest look I'd ever seen grace his usually troubled face.

Is this real or is this still the drug affecting him? He loves me? Nathan loves me!

This beautiful boy loves me even when he knows how fucked-up I am, how fucked-up the two of us are. I can't believe he can have feelings like this for me. I know we've been together for some time, but I always felt like it was just that he was comfortable with me since I knew his secrets and had no other option. He chose someone else over me in the beginning. I had cared too much for him in the beginning to really question his choice in me as a girlfriend. He was interested in Rachel at first and it was only her departure that led to his sudden interest in me as anything more than a friend. It's been a long road for us. Do I finally mean something more to him?

"Come on babe. Why are you crying? You're not supposed to cry when a guy says that to you…Shit, maybe I shouldn't have said that."

I fervently kissed Nathan before he could keep mumbling in defeat from my silence.

"I'm crying because I'm so touched by what you said. I don't want you take it back." I shyly smiled and wiped at my eyes fro the trickle of tears that had escaped.

"Well maybe next time you shouldn't bust into tears and then I won't get the wrong idea." He dragged me down onto the bed with him.

"Sorry I was taken by surprise." I played my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.

"I love you too Nathan." I heard his heart skip a beat.

He rewarded my confession with a hesitant kiss to my forehead. I couldn't help laughing at his struggle at being the loving boyfriend. It can't be easy for him admitting his feelings like that when he never received any positive affection growing up. At least I have one person who doesn't hate me for who I am. To Nathan I might not be a complete monster.

One step at a time. I don't want to be seen as a monster by anyone. For the sake of Kate and the others I wronged, I have to stop being that person. I have to stop hurting people. I have to be better. I can try for them.

"This is getting too fucking mushy for me."

"It's okay. You're secret weakness is safe with me. I won't tell a soul."

 


	11. Fear on Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very soon the alternate reality section is coming up. I'd like know what the readers might like to see happen in that section. So if anyone has any suggestions feel free to leave a comment. I'm very excited about writing a different Clarissa with different circumstances, the possibilities are endless for her.

  _"Hold on for dear life, until it's all gone, we'll come alive, and set fear on fire"_

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"Rest in peace Kate Marsh. I hope you're in a better place now." I bent down to place a candle in front of her memorial. The memorial had become a beautiful little token of hope. Lots of students had decorated the board with messages and pictures and the many candles created a warm halo. It's good that this horrid spot has been transformed into something more positive. These burning candles are the only form of light out in the dark night beside the flickering lamp lights.

My peace offering was joined by another candle.

"She was alright. Dumb girl was always nice to me when she shouldn't have been. I remember she tried to give me these cookies one day when I sitting alone." Nathan was kneeling next to me intently staring at his candle. "She said I always looked miserable so she wanted to do something for me. I shouted at her and cussed her out…She was really upset by the things I said, but she just smiled and left the box on the bench for me and left…She never approached me again after that."

My eyes watered up.

It took a lot effort to get Nathan to come with me to the memorial. He preferred to stay locked up in his room forgetting all his problem through physical intimacy with me, but after the effects of the weed wore off I wanted to come back here for closure. Though I'll never be able to actually get any closure since Kate is dead. I'll never be able to earn her forgiveness.

Nathan stood back up. He held his hand out to help up.

"Without a doubt Kate was too nice for her own good. But that's what made so damn beautiful…I'll probably never meet anyone like her again. She was one of those rare one-in-a-million people." I tightly held Nathan's hand. He's the only person that can possibly understand how I'm feeling.

"What are we going to do Clarissa?…I can't go through this again. Not after this. We're fucking killing people…I've got two girl's deaths on my shoulder." Nathan's voice cracked. "Tell me what I should do."

Here in the dark, Nathan isn't afraid of his fears or being viewed as weak. To him he feels comfortable letting go in the company of the night, where no one can see how broken he is. Only in the dark can secrets be shared.

"I don't know…I don't know how to fix any of this. This is so much bigger than just the two of us and our selfish problems. I was so egotistical thinking I had the right to do whatever I wanted. And I was childish in justifying my actions…There's no justification for taking a life…I don't have a straight answer for you, Nate." I hung my head in shame. How low I have fallen.

"You're supposed to be the smart one with all the answers. If you don't have a solution the we're fucking stuck….We're so in over our heads…Shit, why don't we just get the fuck out of this town like I've been saying? You and me, we could drive off to somewhere else. A shitty little town where no one knows us." Nathan turned his pleading eyes on me, begging me to help him escape from his fears.

He's scared. I'm scared. We are both alarmed by what we've become in a short span of years. We're both so stupid.

"N-No." I rapidly shook my head. "We can't run. Running won't solve anything and we owe it to Kate, Rachel and the others to see this through to the end, even though I know this going to end terribly…We have to set things right for them. We have to try, Nathan. Or we'll never be able to live with ourselves."

I tried not to let thoughts of Sean Prescott's punishment send me into another panic attack. Running just isn't an option. I don't want to be hurt again and I don't want to turn my back on the people I've hurt. No one else should have to go through the horrors of the dark room. No one else should be trapped in the dark. It is a nightmare that needs to stop.

I have to tell Nathan about dad's plan for me as well. I can't leave Arcadia Bay, I have become to entangled in its web of fate. If dad doesn't want to keep me around then I can stay with Nathan. It'd be no problem for him to hide me. Not that I'd actually be hiding. Sean Prescott would know exactly where one of his pawns was hiding. He'd likely even use that as leverage against dad. I need to convince dad to let me stay without getting the Prescotts involved, that's a last resort if he won't see reason.

"What can you and I possibly do, huh? We're just dumbass kids. You think we can just go up to your dad and tell him to quit his sick hobby and hope he doesn't try to kill us or do something worse like making us his next project. Or maybe you wanna chicken out and go to the police and come clean about everything? Whatever we try to do to help is going to blow up in our fucking faces, Ris! I'm so massively fucked and it's because of your psychopath father!" Nathan verbally attacked me. He tugged his hand away from me and furiously pulled at his hair. His blue eyes looked a raging storm.

Anger is his defense when he feels too vulnerable. He's acting out of fear. I can't let his words hurt me, he is not saying these to cause me pain. Nathan is just feeling trapped and frightened, that is completely normal in this situation. Don't let negative feelings guide your thoughts Clarissa.

I care about Nathan. I am his girlfriend and partner. I want to help him when he is hurting. I said I was going to do better, to be better.

"N-Nate calm down, okay. I'm in this with you. You are not alone…I'm not going to let anything happen to you." I reassured him.

Nathan really believes that this is just some pastime of my father. He doesn't know anything about his own father's involvement in the sick games. I don't know if I should tell him or continue letting him blame dad. It's going to destroy whatever love he has left for Sean Prescott. Can I really make Nathan suffer through that I experience like I did? I always thought the world of my father. Then I found out his darkest secret. My image of my father is forever ruined because I learned the truth. I struggle every day with reconciling who he was, with who he is now. Loving dad has become an internal battle.

"That's bullshit! You're his little pet. You're not the one he's going to come after when this all goes south. I'm the one who is going to end up like Rachel…Buried in the ground like I'm nothing, just fucking rotting with insects eating my dead carcass." Nathan snapped. He started patting at his jacket, checking for something.

Is he carrying his gun? Why is he still walking around with it after what did and did not happen in the bathroom?…Wait, did he get that weapon in the first place because he feels threatened by dad? Why is he so sure dad is going to try to kill him? My dad would never hurt Nathan. He wouldn't. He just would not.

"That's not going to happen, not ever. Daddy would never hurt you. You're like a son to him and I care about you. He'd never kill you. He cares about you too and you shouldn't doubt him. He's not that far gone" Some anger crept into my tone.

I felt rage at Nathan's lack of faith. Moreover I felt rage at myself for not being able to acknowledge a hidden truth I already knew but chose to deny. Dad has changed. He's no longer that upbeat man that enjoyed the vibrancy of life. He's become apathetic to the world after being exposed to its many darker sides. Whatever virtue he once possessed has been snuffed out by the things he has done to get by.

Do I really even know who he is anymore? Do I know what he is or isn't capable of? I've lost sight of who Mark Jefferson is, just like I've lost sight of who Clarissa Jefferson is.

"Keep telling yourself that and you will eventually believe it. But go ahead and keep looking through that rosy filter of yours. Jefferson might have thought of me like that at one point, but that sure as hell ain't the case anymore. I'm trash to him just like everybody else. And that means he won't have a problem dealing with me further down the line. Look at what he did to Rachel! That fucker cared an awful lot about her and he still buried her like it was nothing. The sick shit those two got into and yet he still got rid of his fuck-buddy without batting an eyelash." Nathan heatedly scowled at me, throwing salt into wounds I hadn't gotten over. His revulsion and disappointment struck me harder than any blow.

This hurts. I don't want to hear anymore of this.

Mark Jefferson is my father. I want to believe in him. I love dad. Am I wrong for that?

Why does Nathan have to keep bringing this up whenever he starts tearing into my father? I was so heart-broken and betrayed when Nathan first told me about Rachel's affair with dad. I was friends with her. I trusted her. I let her in to my life. She crossed a line. How could she pursue my dad when she was already with another guy, and on top of that she knew all along that Nathan was crazy about her? How could she be so manipulative and weave all these people into loving her? I wanted to claw her pretty face off when Nathan raged about Rachel leading him on only to sleep with dad. She promised me she was different from all the other girls. She lied to me.

"Nate, please stop. Don't say anymore…I always defend you when people bad-mouth you. I don't hold your mistakes against you. I'm on your side. Please don't push me away. Don't make us into enemies like this. I don't want to keep fighting with you about everything." My hands were stinging from the rigid grip I had on the ends of my dress. The dress is going to have wrinkles from how I've got it balled up in my hands.

I almost wish we could go back into the blissful haze we were in earlier. Dealing with my emotions is too much. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs at Nathan for making my father out as the villain. Dad is just a cog in a machine. I want to hurt Nathan. I want him to feel pain like he's making me feel, but I can't.

I took a deep breath.

"Let's both just get some space and talk later when we're not so emotional. I can't talk to you like this….There's some serious stuff you don't know about that we have to discuss before we move forward."

"The dreaded talk. What else do we have to talk about? All we ever talk about is depressing shit, fucked-up shit, and plain dumb shit…I'm fucking tired of it. I want things to be simple and easy like they were in the beginning." Nathan exhaustedly walked away from me to sit on a bench. His anger died out when he saw that I wasn't going to fight back with him.

"I know. I'm tired too." I timidly sat next to him. He didn't go storming off like I expected him to.

"It seems like it was forever ago when my only worry was how I was going to keep you interested in me or getting good grades to impress you. That shit sounds so stupid to me now. Like I want to go back and punch myself in the face for being so carefree." Nathan despondently scrubbed his shoes against the ground.

I shivered from the chill of night. I wrapped my arms around myself. The cold doesn't bother me. Nathan's unhappiness bothers me. His life is spiraling out of control because of me. He is another person that I've tarnished. Would he be better off without me too? The thought makes me miserable.

Nathan grunted before I felt his arm landing on my shoulders and pulling me into the comfort of his warm jacket. "How do you find the strength to go on Ris? At least give me an answer for that."

"I'm choosing to go on, despite how much I just want to give up, because I have people that I care about more than myself. And for their sake I want to try and make things better for them while I still can." I looked over at the dozens of candles burning in the dark. "You are such an asshole to me and yet I still love you exactly the way you are Nathan Prescott. You're one of the reasons I chose to go on. I want to see you smile again and be excited about your life. I will do whatever I need to in order to make that happen. I love you Nathan." I said without hesitation.

I have only allowed myself to care about a few people. Of those people the list only really included my family. I didn't really have friends before I came to Blackwell. Then I got to this school and met people who wormed their way into my heart. Rachel, my first real friend who taught me betrayal. Kate, the girl who taught me kindness. Nathan, who taught me my first dose of love. Dana, my best friend who taught me empathy. Warren, taught me to be hopeful. Juliet, taught me how to be confident about myself. Even Max had made her way on to the list, I just treated her badly because of her obvious infatuation with dad. Max taught me to be sensitive. Not all those relationships turned out well and some of them I fractured on my own.

I have always been selfish, but I always tried to give the world to the people I cared about. I didn't always go about it the right way, but I tried nonetheless.

I forgot about those people and tried to be selfish again. I almost killed myself because I couldn't face my problems. I was a coward. I'm still a coward and a million other things, but just maybe, maybe I can be the opposite if I try. Is it possible for me not to be a monster?

I longingly stared at Kate's smiling photo, wishing she could be here.

I know I will never be forgiven for what I have done. Yet, I can try to redeem the monster in me. I can try for you Kate Marsh.

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It's cold outside. At least the fireflies are pretty.

I set my phone down. Dad had called again to check on me. He's called like three times since he dropped me off. It was awkward when he called in the middle of Nathan and I fooling around. I had been really tempted not to pick up the phone cause I was stoned and out of sorts. Nathan had found it extremely hilarious to tickle me while I was on the phone. Luckily dad didn't notice anything strange or he could have pretended not to notice. I can't exactly recall what our conversations were about.

I went back to twiddling with my camera, listening to the crickets and animals scurrying around. I hadn't moved from my spot on the bench. Strangely enough, I feel quite calm being out here alone in the dark. Nathan had left an hour ago. He was so emotional after my confession. He cried and apologized to me. His kisses were wet and sloppy while he murmured his love for me. It was so painfully beautiful. My heart wouldn't stop pounding for him.

I'm glad I got him to come out here with me. We…We need to face what we've done. I think we've both been lying too much to ourselves to cope with our circumstances.

I dehumanized those girls. I made myself believe that they didn't matter and therefore I didn't care what horrors they faced. As long as I was alright everything else was golden. I was so fucking arrogant and selfish. How can I ever fix this? How can I stop Sean Prescott?

I stopped looking through the black and white pictures. Chiaroscuro. The effect of contrasted light and shadow created by light falling unevenly on something. My father absolutely loves this style. He loves how startling the contrast can make a picture seem. The conflicting nature gives rise to something ambiguous that doesn't fit into one category. It's not quite black and it's not quite white, it's something in between, it's grey. Nobody is just black and white, they have shades to them. If any of these students really paid attention they could see how distorted dad's mind is through his art. They could see through me too.

Out of the entire collection there are only two images in color, the butterfly and the photo I took of Kate's memorial. I haven't taken a picture in color in a long time on this camera. I have dozens of memory cards filled with darkly depressing monochromatic images. I'm sick to death of looking through the lens in black and white.

The sound of footsteps startled me.

"Max? What are you doing out past curfew?" I must have startled her too judging by her slight jump in the air.

Max doesn't look any better than she did earlier today. Her face is blotchy and tear-stained and I can see line imprints on her face from whatever she fell asleep on. The same clothes she's wearing are wrinkled and her short strands are a tangled mess. Poor Maxine. She might be one of the few kids at this school with an actual heart that is grieving the loss of good girl. Max is pure, unlike me.

I have been so awful to her and she doesn't even know it.

"I could ask you the same Clarissa. But I'm guessing you're just as torn up as I am about Kate. You were there too." Max walked over to me.

"You guessed right Super Max. But unlike you, I don't live in the dorms so I don't have to abide by the curfew. I can sit out here and mope all I want. Don't worry I won't tell anyone you snuck out." The usual nonsense I talked to her about escaped my lips. I might not be boiling with intense dislike for Max, but the usual exterior I put on for the students is an automatic process for me. I won't be able to break out of it so soon.

"Hey, did you want to talk-"

I interrupted her. "Max. I appreciate the sentiment, but honestly I don't want talk about that anymore. The wound gets deeper every time I open it up."

"Okay. I understand. I'm here if you need me Clarissa." Max smiled.

"Thank you Max. You really are a thoughtful person. Don't ever lose that." I gave her an honest smile in return.

I really was wrong about her. Her nosy tendencies may make her a bother, but her compassion makes up for it I suppose. I don't deserve to have her showing me such genuine concern like this. I'm going to be so heart-broken when her loving innocent eyes are going to turn dark and hateful when she finds out the truth about me.

Max blushed and scratched at her cheek. "Well that makes me feel loads better…So um, I was thinking…" Max started fidgeting.

"Yes Max. Go on." I gently encouraged her. She more than likely wants answers regarding how I wasn't frozen due to her powers. I did tell her to save her questions for later. I can try to be as honest as I possibly can without leading her on to anything important. I, myself don't know much about gifted people like her. I only know about the people I've been exposed to.

"Since you know about my powers, you should come meet my partner in crime. You could really help us out with figuring some stuff out. If two heads are better than one then three heads must be phenomenal." Max's eyes turned hopeful.

This might be the first time Max has directly asked me to hang out. All her other attempts were casual offers that she tossed out without really meaning them. Max has always preferred to not be involved with life, she was content watching it pass by safely behind her polaroid. Power corrupts absolutely.

"Help you and your partner in crime with what exactly Max?" I asked.

"I'm investigating what happened to Kate at the Vortex Party and the disappearance of Rachel Amber. There's a connection between the two and I'm going to find out what it is."

Her words made my stomach drop. She's making this seem like it's some kind of game. Does she understand what she is getting herself into? At first I was content to just leave Max alone and let her play around with the rewind. I mean, what immature kid wouldn't misuse that kind of mystical power? Now however, she's snooping around and becoming a problem. I only told Nathan about Max because he is the one she's determined to bust. I should have told dad about her gifts, but I didn't. I chose not to expose because I didn't want her to be anymore special to him. Presently, I suppose I'll have to keep her gift hidden from him or she will end up getting hurt. I can't be responsible for another person's demise. I'm going to have to help her so she stays out of trouble.

"I'm meeting up with my best friend Chloe now. She'll be so psyched to know there's someone else with powers besides me." Max's excited voice brought me back to the conversation.

"Max you're jumping to conclusions. I don't have powers like you. I'm just some freak of nature. I have no idea why I wasn't affected by time stopping. It was probably a fluke or something." I stood up from the bench.

"Sure you do. We just have to figure out what it is. Maybe you're like immune to me or something. Are you coming with me?"

"Yes Max. Lead the way, oh Master of Time." I dramatically held my arm out for her to lead me to her friend. I can't escape from this girl it seems.

"Cool beans." Max strolled off to the exit of the dorm.

The sound of jingling keys prompted to look for where the sound was coming from.

"Max!" I whispered. I tugged her back before she could go past the bushes. Her smaller body slammed into mine. I sent the shush motion before she could protest and pointed at a figure struggling to open a door.

"Principal Wells…Are you serious.?! I'm toast if he sees me…How are we going to get past him?" Max angrily muttered.

We both stayed hidden behind the shrubbery to watch our drunk principal make a complete fool of himself.

"Ah fuck it! I'm sitting my ass down. Nobody can expel me! Not yet anyway…" Principal Wells slurred. He waddled over to the steps and collapsed holding onto a bright bottle of liquor.

It's sad that he drinks himself into a stupor. I can't imagine his wife being happy dealing with a drunken mountain like him. Wells must be feeling severe pressure from Mr. Prescott after indefinitely expelling Nathan and allowing a student to commit suicide. Principal Wells's professional record isn't doing well at this moment, his career might be over.

"Look at me feeling sorry for myself when Kate Marsh's family is in mourning…They'll probably sue the academy right out of Oregon…Now I understand why the students call this place 'Blackhell'…" He continued ranting to the air while taking generous sips of his drink.

"We need to get past him. Max use your rewind. We'll sneak by him when his back is turned." I nudged Max with my elbow to get her to stop spacing out. She was too engrossed in seeing this new side of her principal. Nosiness is till her trademark feature.

"Good idea. I should have thought of that." Max nodded in agreement. "He's lucking nobody else saw him like this-except us."

She stood up straight and raised her arm to start the rewind.

_ReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverseReverse_

Principal Wells's body rose up from the steps in jerky movements. He moved backwards till he returned to his failed endeavor of opening a door.

Max gasped and the pulling stopped.

I brushed off the gurgling of my stomach. If I'm going to be frequently around Max then I'm going to have to get accustomed to physical toll it has on me.

Now that Wells is busy, Max and I quietly snuck past him out of the dorms.

"Max the ninja strikes again!" She gleefully hooted.

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"Boo-yah!" A girl with shocking blue hair shouted after she tackled Max.

You have got to be kidding me. She's Max's friend? That punk from the bathroom caused so much trouble for Nathan and she ended up getting shot for it. She was in that raggedy truck that almost ran over Max too. I hope she doesn't remember me from the parking lot. Since Max changed the past we never met in the bathroom.

"Get it, Boo-yah? Like I'm a scary punk ghost…" The blue girl jokingly shoved a breathless Max.

"More like a scary insensitive asshole. Chloe, I watched my friend jump off a roof today. I don't think I need you to prank me tonight. You always trip out on me for not being there for you but…is this how you're there for me?" Mix was a great ball of angry and hurt.

This is far too personal. I don't feel like I should be witnessing this, but they seem to be caught up in each other.

"I-I'm sorry, Max. I…I wasn't even thinking. I suck." The girl ashamedly pulled at her black beanie, trying to shield her face from Max's irate gaze.

"I'm not trying to be a bitch but…I'll never get the image out of my head of Kate jumping off that roof…All because my power didn't work…It didn't mean shit." Max choked back a fresh set of tears.

I really feel uncomfortable, like I'm an intruder. These two have a deep connection that I've never seen before. This Chloe girl completely broke down Max's walls without doing much of anything. Max has been closed off to everyone, but she isn't afraid of opening herself of to this girl. Is this what it's like to have someone you completely trust? These two have their own little world that revolves around them.

"I know seeing Kate fall was horrible. I don't even know how to deal with that, so I just…Act like an idiot. But it's your badass power that's gonna bring all this to a close. We just have need to connect all the players." Chloe softly held on to Max's shoulders.

I can see this girl differently now. Before she was a bag of bullshit and bravado. She threatened Nathan and kept goading him until he ended up committing a grave mistake. I looked into her empty blue eyes as she died on the bathroom floor. She meant nothing to me at the time, but her death shocked me. At this moment I can see past that bull-headed attitude of hers and now see that she is as fragile and broken as the rest of us.

"And find out who really killed Kate. We have to stop this from happening to anybody else." Max said.

"Oh yeah, and somehow stop that tornado from wiping out Arcadia Bay…right?"

A tornado? Now these two are on the 'a storm is going to wipe out the town' bandwagon too? I didn't really believe Nathan when he first said that to me. I know he has these crazy hallucinations that sometimes come true, but a giant apocalyptic storm is too much for me to believe. Still, the weather has been abnormal and now I'm hearing the same prediction from two others. Dad refused to answer me when I asked about the storm and even got mad about it. All these signs can't just be coincidence anymore.

"Didn't you say that it was all about 'Chaos Theory'? I don't see any control over this chaos…"

"Oh right, except for your ability to, oh yeah, manipulate time and space. No biggie." Chloe flippantly waved her hand in the air.

"Chloe, I just feel weird about some of my decisions…Especially after I got Nathan expelled." Max suddenly looked over in my direction, remembering I was present.

I pointedly pretended like I didn't notice her pitying look. Max will never understand why I stay with Nathan. She, like everyone else at this school thinks I'm the good girl trying to redeem the bad boy. Those dumbasses couldn't be more wrong. If anything I'm the bad one, I'm the one that needs to be redeemed.

I had been silently standing off to the side to give the two girls privacy. No need to interrupt their bonding until Max introduces me. She is the one who wanted me to meet her best friend.

Chloe didn't seem to notice her friend's wavering attention. " Dude, do not torture yourself like that. Let's focus on looking for clues, okay?"

"Right, for one thing, there's too much coincidence between the people around Kate and Rachel." Max's honed back in on her friend.

"Like step-prick and Nathan Prescott?" Chloe spat with pure hate.

Well, that is another person on the long list of people that appear to hate Nathan. I wonder what exactly he did to Chloe, that she has such a vendetta against him. I never ended up getting the story from Nathan because we were fooling around. I need to work on getting Nathan to behave around others too, he can't keep getting into trouble with every person he encounters.

"Of course. They're both sociopaths." Max simply replied, like it was common knowledge.

"More like psychopaths. At least David doesn't try to beat down women like Nathan…"

Ouch. Will I always have to listen to word vomit about how horrendous Nathan is? I am so sick of hearing people talk about him like this. I know he is fucked-up. I know he needs clinical help. I just wish everyone would stop being such dicks and judging him so harshly. He's a fucking kid that has gotten tangled up in some awful American Psycho shit and doesn't know how to handle his problems…Geez, if Nathan garners this much hatred from the underhanded things they know about, then how much are they and everyone else going to hate me when the truth comes out?

They are all going to know I'm a monster. They will all hate me. They'll detest Clarissa Jefferson.

"And even though I don't know her, it feels like Rachel is guiding us to the truth." Max confessed.

Truth. The truth is going to come out. I am going to be screwed no matter what I do, just like Nathan said.

"Fuck the truth, I just want to find my friend right now…It scares me to think where she could be…Do you think she's…"

What?! Rachel was her friend?

Rachel is dead.

"Kicking it in Los Angeles? That would be the best-case scenario…" Max hesitantly spoke. She tried to be optimistic for the sake of Chloe.

Oh, Max, you are so wrong. Your friend is going to be devastated.

"She wouldn't leave without me, okay? And how often do missing girls turn up?" Chloe became defensive. "We have to find Rachel soon. We have to…"

"I promise we will. Like you said, it's time to start the search for clues. Now tell me what your secret is?"

Should I just walk away? I feel like they, or at least Max keeps forgetting that I'm here. I don't expect Chloe to notice me since we don't know each other and I'm standing the dark like some creep, but Max is getting so caught up in this girl's wave of energy that she hasn't introduced us yet. It has only been a few minuets since they started talking, but I would like for them to finish their catch up session already.

"Drum-roll please…I present the spare keys to Blackwell. Thank you step-prick." Chloe dangled a shiny object in front of Max's face, making her go cross-eyed to look at the chain of keys.

"You are such a boss, Chloe. I just don't want you to get into anymore trouble…"

"Look at the trouble dropping in Arcadia Bay. At this point, who gives a fuck anymore? We're in it to win it, Max. So lead the way…"

"I'm so glad you're my partner in crime."

"As long as your my partner in time."

"Insert groan here…" Max shoved Chloe's hand out her face. "By the way there's someone I want you to meet. We've kind of been rudely ignoring her."

Max turned her friend around so that she was looking right in my direction.

The moment her eyes landed on me, I felt a chill. Those eyes are familiar, they remind me of that crazy shade of blue I've been seeing a lot of lately. Rachel's earrings, the butterfly, and now Chloe's eyes, they all look the same. That shade of blue looks striking, but it feels highly unnatural to me. Chloe's blue eyes and hair combined make a sharp contrast against her black grunge getup. She has such a conflicting nature about her.

"Woah dude, how fucking long has she been here? And why didn't you say anything Max?! She heard a lot of confidential info." Chloe rapidly turned back to Max to rip into her. "Not cool at all Max!"

I imagine she is more upset that I saw her open up about her insecurities than about anything else I heard. No one likes to be exposed, especially not to a stranger. I saw a tender side of Chloe. A side that she didn't want anybody, but Max to see.

"I'm sorry, I tried to give you two privacy to catch up. I would have said something, but you were both in your own little world and didn't notice me at all." I sincerely apologized to Chloe for the invasion of privacy.

"Yeah, that doesn't mean shit to me cause you still ended up eavesdropping on everything!" Chloe raised her voice at me.

I resisted the urge to say something derogatory to Chloe. I am sorry and I expressed that to her and she's still acting like a brat. She doesn't have to be so dramatic about it, shouting like lunatic. With how loud she is being, someone is going to come running, wondering what the commotion is about.

"Come on Chloe, it's fine. Clarissa knows about my powers and I thought she could help us with the investigation…I'm sorry I didn't start with that. I got caught off guard by your lame joke and then got caught up in our conversation." Max tried to get Chloe to calm down and stop glaring at me. Her efforts are a waste. Chloe and I aren't going to be friends.

"What could she possibly help us with? Walking down a runway? She looks like a Vortex groupie. I thought you were above all that Max." Chloe crossed her arms and sized me up. "Clarissa, huh. She's even got a fancy name like all the other rich pricks."

Max awkwardly stood between us, not knowing what to do.

I took a deep breath. Don't punch her. Don't punch her Clarissa.

"Maybe this was bad idea, Max. I think I should just go. I'm clearly intruding and not wanted." I kept my polite facade in place, fighting to control my temper. I don't have the patience to deal with another person who is possessive and insecure. If Chloe wants to keep Max all to herself, then I'm happy to oblige her. It's not as if I was going to try to be besties with Max. I only wanted to see if I could keep her out of trouble. I don't need to be close to her to keep tabs on Max.

Shame, I thought Chloe might not be as hostile to me this time around since Nathan is excluded from the equation. I thought wrong. We are meant to be enemies. We just rub each other the wrong way. Not even rewriting the past can change our aversion each other. OR maybe we subconsciously retain those feelings.

It feels like everyone ends up being my enemy in the end.

"Wait no! That's not true-"

Chloe cut Max off. "Yeah, bye 'Miss Clarissa'. Max already has a partner. She doesn't need you." She flicked her hand at me in shoo motion like I was some unwanted dog.

I walked away from the two best friends.

The fucking nerve of that dumb blue, punk, bitch, giving me attitude after I genuinely apologized to her. That's what I get for trying to be contrite and cordial with someone. How the hell did Kate manage to be such an angel with everyone? I'm ready to blow my top. Being nice is a fucking challenge.

I ignored the argument happening behind me, as Max simultaneously chased after me and berated her friend following after her, for her attitude towards me. No Max, I'm not stopping for you. I can deal with one bitch and one bitch only and said bitch is me. I'm not going to deal with some crazy punk like Chloe.

"Thank you again so much for helping me with my portfolio." A silly voice carried over the wind.

I know that fucking voice.

My body boiled in rage. First this punk pisses me off and now this whore is flirting with the one person she shouldn't be.

"Get down!" Max frantically whispered. She pushed me behind one of the billboards on the campus grounds. Chloe joined us behind the billboard, eagerly point her head out to see what the deal was.

"Hopefully the rest of the class will follow your lead. I'm sorry I was distracted. As you know it has not been a goody for Blackwell, or me." Dad's tired voice confirmed my suspicions.

I looked out to spy dad alone with Victoria at the entrance of the school. He's been with that annoying bitch all this time? It's way past an acceptable time for her to be alone with a teacher. Why the fuck can't she just leave dad alone?! Victoria is the most persistent and annoying whore that I've seen pursue a man she has no chance with. Is she trying to make dad lose his job or worse his mind. What the fuck is her problem?!

"I know this has been an awful day and you can talk to me anytime, Mr. Jefferson. You must be so stressed and you've got to take care of Clarissa all by yourself. It must be tough being a single father." I could feel her overabundant and disgusting overflow of desire from all the way over here. She makes me sick and just when I tried to stop hating on her. I tried to give her a do-over thinking she might change her ways too after what happened with Kate. Another fucking mistake on my part. Victoria will always be Victoria.

"Thank you, Victoria. I imagine you're pretty upset over Kate as well…" Dad shifted around a lot as he talked to his student. I bet he's dying to get away from her, if it weren't for her adequate photography skills, I don't think dad would give her the time of day. Instead of trying to sleep her way to fame she should try harder at improving her work in order to get to where she wants to be.

"I'm, like, still in shock. I've never seen anybody die." She truly sounded unnerved.

Maybe….Maybe, she wasn't just trying to seduce dad with her impromptu mentor session. Maybe she just wanted to be around someone that could help her forget. She obviously trusts dad more than she trusts her friends. A stupid mistake on her part, but I understand. Victoria wanted to focus on her art instead drowning in grief. Who better to share artwork with than Mark Jefferson.

"I really cared about Katie."

And just like that, she pisses me off again by going back to being a bitch. Who the hell does she think she is, talking like she gave a damn about Kate? I swear she is worse than fucking Nathan when it comes to feelings. Why can't she be herself? Why is honesty such a rare commodity? Are we only capable of letting someone see a glimpse of who we really are, before retreating back into an act we've perfected down to an art? Why are we all so dysfunctional?

"You said, 'Katie'? I had no idea you two were that close…did she know this?" Disbelief and scorn dripped like acid from Dad's voice.

"Well…How does this affect the 'Everyday Heroes Contest'?" Victoria nonchalantly switched the subject like she does clothes.

"It doesn't." His flat answered surprised Victoria. She still continued to smile like soured mood wasn't her fault.

"The contest is still a go and I still have to pick the winner to best represent Blackwell. I've got all the photos except one from Max." Dad perked back up at the mention of his star.

I glanced over at Max leaning over her friend. The fresh blush on her freckled cheeks showed how much she enjoyed the extra attention she received from dad. Why does she have to be in love with him too?

Max, you are in for a rude awakening if you ever end up too close to him. You may want be to be Mrs. Jefferson according to your diary, but I'm not ever going to let that happen, for my sake and yours. With the way dad is now, I have no idea how he might handle another girl's blind affection for him. Max could end up in the dark room simply because she loves him and dad finds that innocently beautiful. No more girls deserve to be in that room.

"I'll give you a one-word sneak preview of Max's photo-selfie." Victoria hissed. "Listen, you've seen my entry, you know it's better than that. Wouldn't that be so cool to hang out together in San Fransisco, Mark?" Her voice lowered into a sensual drawl.

"Stick to Mr. Jefferson, Victoria. Please." Dad stepped back from Victoria and crossed his arms. "And, uh…I haven't picked a winner yet."

Dad feeling highly uncomfortable from the come-on, tried to walk away and prevent anymore tension.

When I saw Victoria's little hand latch onto dad's arm, I reacted on instinct. My body sprung out with the intention of bashing her face into the ground. Or, I tried to follow through with that plan, but Max's strong grip on held me back from assaulting Victoria.

"Clarissa, calm the fuck down!" Max harshly hissed in my ear. I know Max doesn't want to get in anymore trouble, so I should calm down, but my irrational mind can't stop thinking about beating Victoria's ass.

"You already love my work, so it's not like you're playing favorites. Just imagine if you picked my photo though…We would have to spend a lot of time together. That could be…Fun don't you think?" Victoria uttered honeyed words to dad as she tried to pull him back to her.

Dad snatched his arm out of her grasp. He coolly stared up into her face from his lowered stance on the steps. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say any of that."

Victoria undeterred by his rejection, latched back on to his arm, refusing to back off. "You might as well choose me…Otherwise I might have to tell people you offered to choose my photo for favors or something…Clarissa certainly wouldn't like to hear that. In fact she'd be heartbroken."

I struggled to break out of Max's hold. I will not deal with another Rachel scenario nor will be used as a weapon against my father.

"As a favor to your future, I'll also ignore that undisguised threat. All I ask is that you stay away from my daughter from now on. This conversation is officially over, Miss Chase, I suggest you go back to your dorm now." Dad's voice dropped to a freezing chill. Victoria let go of his arm in shock from his calm dosage of anger. Dad turned, not sparing her another glance to storm off in the direction of the parking lot.

"Wait, I only…" Victoria's weakly pleaded. She aggressively raked her hands through her short blonde hair. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Victoria dejectedly stomped down the steps.

"That was so stupid!" She proceeded to berate herself as she trudged back to the dorms.

Victoria's pity fest kept her from pay us any mind while we hid behind the billboard, waiting for her to disappear in the dark shade of the night. Lucky for her, Max was still holding on to me because I would have knocked her the fuck out for what she just did. This crazy, selfish bitch had the nerve to threaten dad and use me as blackmail material. Fuck Vitoria. I will never see her anything but an enemy.

"Geez, just when I think Victoria can't get anymore evil." Max slowly let go of after Victoria was out of sight. "I'm sorry you had to see that Clarissa…I never know your dad had to go through stuff like that…No wonder you're so defensive about him."

Max must be talking about when I flipped out her when she tried to give me my broken glasses.

"No shit Max. Every fucking girl at this school is after him. I deal with this stuff every day." I snarled. Max flinched at my abrasive comment. "Sorry." I added after seeing how hurt she looked.

I didn't mean to take my anger out on Max, but it came out anyway since she is also included in my statement. In Max's case it's even worse due to the fact that dad is interested in her too. He may even return her stupid feelings. I don't know what I'll do if Max goes after dad.

Chloe's laughter broke the unsettling tension between me and Max.

"Damn, shit is about to get real at Blackwell. Man, I almost miss the drama….I might have been wrong about Ginger here." Chloe let out another gleeful laugh in response to my seething scowl.

"Let's just go find out what other secrets Blackwell has to offer." Max took Chloe's hand then reached for mine.

"Believe me, Blackwell has plenty to offer Max." I let Max guide us into the school of hell.

 


	12. Feels Like We Only Go Backwards

 

 

 

_"It feels like we only go backwards baby"_

00000000000000000000000

"Chloe the key master." Max gleefully whispered.

"You know it." Chloe replied and sauntered into the school like she owned it.

Max tiptoed into the school behind her accomplice. Glumly, I followed them inside. This is so not a good idea.

I remained silent and stuck close to Max. It's pitch black in here and our footsteps sound like they're being amplified to sound like giant's footsteps. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. It's too dark in here, it's suffocating me.

Calm down, Clarissa.

There is no one here, but the three of us. Nothing can get to me in here. There is nothing to be afraid of.

"Dude I don't know about this…We're both already in so much trouble…"

I steered my mind back onto Max and Chloe's conversation to keep my mind from spiraling down a destructive pack.

"Not to mention the weed you brought into my room.." Chloe whipped around to smirk at Max. "Just joking!"

"I'm serious. We're not kids anymore. We're breaking and entering…" Max guiltily looked back at me, sending me a silent apology for getting me involved. She shuffled her phone around, casting a bright light about the dark hallway.

"Let's just hurry up. The sooner we leave, the better." I softly bumped shoulders with Max to show her I wasn't mad. I suppose getting busted for breaking and entering is the least of my worries right now.

Chloe stopped in front of the door to the administrative office. She turned to glance at Max and me.

"If I have a key, how can it be breaking and entering? They can't charge us for just entering!" Chloe's words were aimed at Max, but her permanent scowl seemed reserved for me.

What is her deal? Why does she keep trying to push my buttons?

"I'm serious. We could go to jail…" Max walked up to Chloe's side to flash her phone's light on the door.

Max is quite the follower when it comes to Chloe. Despite how much she's protesting, Max is still doing what her friend wants. Max must hold Chloe in high regard to risk so much for her. If they get caught, Max will most certainly lose her scholarship and be expelled. Well, she might lose more than that when Mr. Prescott gets here. That man is going to be furious about Nathan's suspension and I bet Principal Wells will sell her out as the reason why he was forced to suspend Nathan from school, in order to keep his job.

"Not if I'm related to the head of Blackwell Security. Step-shit will not want me in the hands of the local police…So we better find out what's in the Principal's Office first. You can rewind if we get caught, right? You have mad powers, Max." Chloe rattled off while fumbling with the key ring to find the right one for the door.

Mr. Madsen is her step-father? That's hard to believe considering how wild Chloe comes off as. I'm surprised he hasn't shipped her off to boot camp for her attitude. I know my father would never have put up with a kid like her. Disobedience is not something dad takes kindly to. I don't think I've ever gone against him, except when I protested about leaving Arcadia Bay.

"Tell that to Kate…" Max mumbled.

Oh Max.

I was going to tell Max not to blame herself, but the squeaking of a door opening stopped me.

"Come on, One more door and our work here is done." Chloe waved us in, ignorant of Max's internal dilemma.

"Max." I held on to her arm to get her attention. I stared into her soft baby blues. Does everyone I know have innocent blue eyes?

"Don't blame yourself about Kate. You did more for her than anyone else did. And I'm sure selfless Kate Marsh wouldn't want you to wallow in self-pity. She would want you to move on Max. I know her death is still fresh in your mind, but it will stop hurting someday." I let go of Max's arm to rub my own. It doesn't feel right for me to comfort her. I'm not sure I even believe what I'm saying, but I think it's what Max needs to hear.

"It's hard not to blame myself. I was right there…I have this amazing power and I couldn't even use it to save Kate….I feel even worse cause of the rewind. What's the point of having it if I can't make real change? I wanted to save her, so why couldn't I?"

The depth her answer stunned me. Here, I thought she was going to be another dumbass that abuses their power, but here she is, broken up over the fact her powers didn't change anything. How is it I misjudged her so bad? Was I not seeing the real her or did I just refuse to acknowledge what I was seeing?

"Max, suddenly having power doesn't mean life is just going to work your way. Your powers can't solve everything, that's your job to figure out…Don't let that rewind go to your head. You are not invincible."

Power doesn't solve anything. Dad has a gift and that gift couldn't save mom or save us from the mess we have gotten ourselves into. Dad can change things, but he understands those changes come with a heavy price. Nathan's gift just gives him constant nightmares and makes him hallucinate things. How many times have I seen him deliriously shouting for his mom and dad or screaming at someone that isn't there. Both of them are worse off because of their gifts. I don't even want to know what I've been cursed with.

"You're right. I can't always depend on the rewind….I have to figure things out myself…Like before." Max started trailing off in her own head. She glided into the office in a daze.

"Took you two long enough…We're you two making out or something?" Chloe grumbled as we came in. She was fumbling with the keys again to see which would fit in the slot.

"Of course not Chloe." Max shot shot her down.

Why would she even say something like that….No way!

I thought Chloe was just being hostile because I was intruding on her friendship. I know I'd probably act the same if someone tried to come in on me and Dana' tight knit friendship. I would have never guessed the hostility was actually jealously in disguise. Does Max know her best friend is crushing hard on her? Oh my god! Does Max swing that too?! That explains so much. No wonder she's so blasé with Warren.

Damn, poor Warren has no chance.

"What the fuck?! The security officer should have the key to the Principal's office." Chloe angrily kicked at the door.

"He's hiding shit. Like everybody here." Max strolled up to Chloe's side inspecting the door.

"Well, now we definitely have to get this door open. Believe or not, I know a little about lock picking-thanks to Frank. I might as well test out my thief skill…" Chloe appeared to calm down at the sign of Max by her side.

There so dependent on each other. They don't notice how they both relax in each other's presence. They must have been friends for a long time. If Max has had such a good friend like this all this time then why is she still so withdrawn? A firecracker like Chloe should have opened up Max the dormouse.

"Go for it. We're already in this deep."

"Well you could look for the key…Just in case." Chloe kneeled down and started pulling stuff out of her pocket.

"Why yes, I could. I'll check the drawers. Clarissa you check the cabinets."

I nodded at the request and set to opening the mahogany cabinets behind the secretary's desk. It's weird that this school doesn't have a vice principle, but hey, whatever floats the Prescott's boat.

I opened cabinet after cabinet, not really finding anything useful. Max, however complained about the phony hunting hat and the millions of useless keys on the rack.

"No key for thee, we have to find another way in." Max gave up looking and went back to check on Chloe.

"Guess I didn't spend enough time with Frank, but I'll use my DIY lock pick tools while you come up with a better plan." Chloe slumped down in defeat, half-heartedly toying with her tools.

"My plan has a name." Max walked off to the side to start dialing a number on her phone.

Who is she calling at twelve at night and how many more people is she going to drag into this mess?

"Hey Warren, you busy?…Just bubble-heart, you'll be okay. Listen I need your physics expertise-stat. Without naming names, if somebody had access to the art and science labs and wanted to construct a device that would, say, open a locked door, would you maybe, kinda know how?" Max paced back and forth while talking on the phone.

Is Max crazy? Warren is the explosion guru. Everything he constructs blows up in his face, figuratively and literally. I would know first-hand since I've been his lab partner for all our science projects cause the other students are afraid of combustible talents. Though Brooke would be more than happy to take my place, if Warren would only give her the chance. Goodness there's love triangles all around Blackwell.

I need to really sit down and properly talk to Warren when I get the chance. He's still rightfully upset about the beat-down Nathan gave him. I need to actually apologize about that instead of feeding Warren stupid excuses. I've already lost two friends, I don't want to keep adding to that list.

"Huh no, I'm just asking for fun. Thanks Science-Guy. Uh no, no, stay. We need you as back-up. Just send the text instructions, now."

Max paused in her pacing to nervously glance between me and Chloe.

I rolled my eyes. What dirty nonsense could virgin Warren be whispering in Max's ear?

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure about a movie night right now. Don't hate me and thanks for the help." Max scratched her head in mortification from Chloe's piercing scrutiny and my careless chuckles.

Dumb Warren, I told you Max was going to say no. I don't think Max is likely to ever agree to a date with Warren if I'm right about her being secretly infatuated with her blue-haired friend.

Max hung up the phone, staring at the ground, hoping it would swallow her whole. Her cheeks are a bright red.

"This sucks ass!" Chloe shouted. "Goddam door." She pounded on the door, like she could bust it open.

I think Chloe is more frustrated about Max's sexual ignorance than a locked door. Projecting at its finest. I can empathize with her frustration. It is difficult having feelings for someone and dealing with the object of your affections, having no idea you worship the ground they walk on. I remember how stifling it felt being around Rachel and Nathan. I was transfixed with Nathan and it was hard watching him fawn over Rachel who didn't give a damn about him. All Rachel saw was the dollar bills attached to his name, but she couldn't deal with his episodes so she moved on from him. That was a terrible love triangle I was caught in. That triangle became a square cause of Rachel's boyfriend and then a pentagon when she locked on to my dad.

My teenage years have sucked.

"Try not to wake everybody at Blackwell." Max hysterically told Chloe, looking around to see if anyone was going to come barging in.

"Sorry Max, I got nothing. What about your plan?" Chloe ignored Max's rebuke.

Max held her phone up, staring at Warren's text.

"I'm going to go put it together. Can you stay here and not get caught?"

"I might get on the other side of the door before you, Lupin." Chloe teased.

"The race is on. See you soon." Max responded in kind to her friend's teasing.

"I'll go with you Max. It'll be faster with two people." I chose to with Max instead of staying with a punk that clearly hates my guts. I might just snap if she calls me ginger again. My hair isn't even that bright a shade of red, for her to be me that.

"So what's the plan Max?" I asked as we stood in the hallway by the glowing vending machines.

"Warren is such a classic nerd. He told me to find four objects."

"Okay, he sent you on a quest for lost items. What are they and what are you going to use them for after we find them?"

"Sugar, A soda can, duct tape, and sodium chlorate. I'll tell you that this is going to go off with a bang. Now let's see if we can find those items…" Max squinted as she read from her phone.

I turned and reached into my bag for some pocket change.

"Well one down, three to go." I reached down to retrieve my grape soda after putting in a dollar.

"Oh, release the kra-can!"

I snorted as I opened the can. I offered some to Max, but she shook her head.

"Wow I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of seeing this cheesy side of yours."I gingerly sipped the cool liquid as I spied Max's face turn red again.

"Y-Yeah, I'm lame enough as is in school. I don't need to make it worse by being a complete weirdo all the time." She fiddled with the ends of her fringe.

"Stop it. Don't degrade yourself Max. It's cool to be a nerd. And you don't have to be afraid of looking silly around me. Just be yourself." I moderately chastised her. It's one thing to downplay yourself to be humble, it's another matter entirely when you're doing it to demean yourself. Someone like Max has no reason to be ashamed of herself. She hasn't made heinous mistakes like me.

"Man you're so chill Clarissa. I feel like I could say or do anything around you and you wouldn't be phased by it." Max raised her phone's flashlight up and walked further down the eerie hallway. "Next up is the science lab."

My apathy helps me stay grounded considering all the fucked-up shit I deal with in a day. If I was emotional about everything I experienced, I would have never made it this far. These last two years alone have been a trial on my perseverance. I still don't know where everything went wrong. How did I end up here?

"Gross, I hate that formalin smell…" Max scrunched her nose up in disgust after she entered the science classroom.

"Look there's some sugar on the desk." I climbed up the mini steps to the desk and picked up the box. I shook it a little to gauge how much was left in the box. It's half full.

"Ooh sugar." Max took the box from me. I also handed her the soda I had topped off. "We're halfway home."

A stack of papers caught my attention. These are our lap projects from today. Ms. Grant must have stayed late to grade them. I shouldn't look, but I'm curious. I wonder what I got?

"Is that Warren's?" Max said from over my shoulder. She reached over and plucked his paper out of my grasp.

"An 'A-"? Doctor Max definitely helped Warren out today."

"Yeah, Warren told me how impressed he was with you Max. You even helped me out too since he passed his knowledge on to me." I held up the paper with my name written on it that proudly displayed bright "A-" as well.

"I think he deserves way more than that for taking on Nathan, but every little grade counts…" Max grabbed a red pen and altered Warern's grade to an "A+". She looked at me and held the pen out, expecting me to do the same for my paper.

"Max this is against the rules. You should rewind and leave Warren's grade as is." I shook my head and protectively held my paper. Tampering with school documents is bound to raise suspicion and cause trouble.

"It's just a little bump on his grade. It's not going to hurt anyone." Max shrugged and put the pen down.

She doesn't even think she's doing anything wrong. Max is already falling prey to hubris.

"You're right. This." I pointed to the bright grade on Warren's paper. "This isn't going to hurt anyone, but if it's okay for you to do this then what's stopping you from doing something worse down the line? Having the rewind doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. Your powers aren't a toy." I hissed.

Memories of Rachel started flooding my mind. How many times had she used the rewind to get what she wanted and got away with it? Rachel certainly wasn't smart enough to be on the honor on her own merits. She would have never been awarded the title of model student without the rewind. Nor would she have been so popular without it. She was only able to get close to people because she already knew their secrets from proactively rewinding her conversations. She took things for granted and she ended up dead for it.

"I can't believe you. I don't think that! I just wanted to do something nice for my friend Warren, you know, since your psychotic boyfriend gave him a black eye." Max snappily replied. Looks like I touched a nerve.

"Don't bring him into this Maxine. We're talking about you right now." I slammed the rest of the papers on the desk.

"Max, never Maxine!"

"Are you going to rewind or not?" I disregarded her distaste for her original name. She should take pride in having such a beautiful name. Maxine means noble and she might be one of the few that live up to their names. Clarissa is a stupid name meaning bright. I'm nothing like that. I'll never be as bright as a light. I've tainted myself too much.

"No I'm not. Warren deserves that grade." Max crossed her arms in defiance.

"This isn't about what he deserves, it's about what he earned. No one ever gets what they deserve Max, that's how life is." I stared at her, waiting for Max to come to her senses.

"I'm not going to change my mind. Warren's grade is staying how I left it."

"Fine Max. I can't force you, but just know that your choices have consequences." I coldly said. I thought Max was above dumb shit like this.

Max huffed. "So do yours. We need to talk about Nathan Prescott when this over." She deflated after seeing how uncomfortable I looked from the mention of Nathan. "You should stay away from him. He's not who you think he is. You could get hurt and I don't want to see that happen."

With that last bitting comment, Max left me to look around the classroom for the other items.

You shouldn't worry about me Max. Nathan isn't the one who will end up hurting me. I don't want to get into a heated debate with her about Nathan. I hoped she would just never bring him up in front of me. She's always been considerate of me enough to not let her personal dislike of Nathan get in the way of her interactions with me. She hates Nathan like everyone else does and I can't change that without spilling secrets. Max can't know what I know.

I neatly rearranged the stacks of paper. Max has never gotten angry at me before, let alone yelled at me. She's changing and I don't know if it's for the better or worse. I don't want her to start abusing her powers like Rachel did.

"I never said they were great troll." Max's irritated voice drew me over to where she was standing.

I looked down to see graffiti insulting Max's selfies. Victoria should just get a job defacing property since she that's all she enjoys doing in a day.

"I can't find this stupid sodium chlorate. I give up." Max took a break from he search to inspect the aquarium.

"You can't find it because sodium chlorate is a weedkiller Max. It's not going to be laying out in the open." I went to the back of the class where all the chemicals and supplies are located.

"You'd think Warren would have told me that factoid." Her voice was followed by the sound of a shutter. She must have taken a picture with her old polaroid.

"Geniuses often forget that others aren't on the same wavelength as them." I shuffled through chemicals in the cabinet looking for our prize.

"Truer words were never spoken." A shutter went off to my side. Why would she take a photo of the skeleton?

I sighed. The weedkiller isn't in here.

"Here's the sodium chlorate box!" Max pointed to the top of the cabinet.

"That's too high, we need a chair." I pointed out before a clumsy Max could try to reach for the box.

Max quickly pulled a chair over and climbed up to get the weedkiller. When she got down, Max stuffed the supplies in her bag.

"Only one more ingredient left."

"Let's go to dad's classroom. He's bound to have cut tape in there." I shivered thinking of the other things he uses the duct tape for. The item in question feels sticky and gross on the skin. It was hard for me to hide those bruises when I was introduced to the dark room. Did it hurt for those other girls too, I wonder?

"This is like a scene in a horror film" Max brushed past me into dad's classroom.

You're so close to the truth Max and you don't even know it.

We both went over to his desk expecting the duct tape to be there. Yet, we ended up sniffing through more stuff instead of finding our ingredient.

I heard Max gasp. I looked over to see what startled her. She was holding a photo of a grave digger.

"I feel gross looking at Nathan' work, but he does have some style." Max uttered in awe. She rubbed at the entry. I can't determine what she is thinking of from her glazed over eyes.

I know I feel a sense of pride and jealousy whenever I see Nathan's mystifying artwork. Nathan's photos have a sense of vulnerability that I refuse to show in my photography. He's more of my father's prodigy than I am when it comes to photography. If I didn't know any better I might even confuse Nathan's photos for dad's earlier work before he got contracted to work with high-end models.

"What is that?" Max asked. I handed her the photo I was looking at before. While she was entranced with Nathan's work, I was preoccupied with the entries for the "Everyday Heroes Contest".

"Oh Kate…Even when you were sad you tried to see the good in the world…Shit." Max roughly rubbed away her flowing tears.

I didn't say anything. No amount of words will ever be able to adequately pay homage to Kate. She was a the epitome of a good person.

Kate Marsh didn't deserve to die. Rachel Amber didn't deserve that fate either. Yet, they are both dead despite deserving better.

I skipped over the rest of the photos, not interested in them. I found my entry and snatched it out of the pile. This photo doesn't belong in here anymore, not that it ever did. Maybe Nathan was right, I've been looking at life through a filter.

I stuffed the picture into my bag intent on burning it later.

My feet brought me over to the photography equipment. I know some of the equipment if faulty so they use tape to keep it together. I bent down to pick up the duct tape on top of one of the suitcases of equipment. I silently brought it over to Max.

I want to leave this room.

"The tape is mine! Now it's time to show Chloe that Max is da bomb!" Max hooted in delight, like she won some major competition.

"What exactly are you going to do with all that stuff, Max?"

"Make a mini bomb and blow the hell out of the door."

"You're serious?" I incredulously asked her.

"I'm dead cereal, Clarissa."

I gagged at her awful joke.

Max eagerly rushed out of the classroom, intent on showing her friend up. I followed her at a slower pace, not eager at all to put Max's plan in motion. We both made it back to the office to hear Chloe letting lose a loud string of curses, promising to kick the door in the balls.

"Take it easy on the door, Chloe. Let's try this instead." Max dashed over to Chloe to calm her down.

"Uh, you brought a bunch of garbage to get us through the door?"

"Not garbage, science!" Max sat down and started putting the items together.

What terrifying creation has the Mad Scientist passed on to Max now?

"Ta-da!" Max proudly held up the configured can.

Both Chloe and I looked at each other in confusion before blankly looking at Max with the universal expression of "what-the-fuck-is-that?".

"A pipe bomb, duh." Max jokingly berated us for our stupidity. "It goes boom. Literally."

"Oh, yes! Time to blow shit up!" Chloe enthusiastically bounced on her feet from the notion of reckless destruction.

"This is fucking insane." My protest went unheard. I watched the two lunatics set the bomb up. Not even Nathan does dumb shit like this…Well there was that one time he lit firecrackers in the bathroom while he was high with Hayden.

"If you'll light the candle…" Max finished setting the pipe bomb up on the door handle.

"This is so cool…" Chloe snickered. She expertly pulled a lighter out of her pocket and flicked the flame over the wire. "Get ready to haul ass."

As the flame ate away at the wire, the three of us sprinted to safety behind the desk.

The pipe bomb went off with a loud crack that sent the door flying open. Smoke filled the entryway.

"That was so fucking cool." Chloe laughed as she shook Max.

Immediately, Chloe's hype was stomped on by the shrill ringing of the school alarm.

"Oh we are toast. Here comes the whole Arcadia Bay fire and police department!" Max cried out. She frantically pounded her forehead scold herself for not thinking.

"Uh…So what should we do?" Chloe nervously looked around, expecting the cops to show up at any moment.

Fuck! I knew this was a bad idea! I need to get the fuck out of here before the police show up. I am dead if I get caught and end up arrested.

"Ginger you got any bright ideas?!" Chloe shouted in my direction. She must have noticed me inching away from hem. Fuck. Does she have to drag me down with them?

"I don't know! Who the fuck sets off a bomb in a school?!" I yelled at Chloe. Screw them for putting me in this situation.

"Can it asswipe! At least Max did something. Your useless ass hasn't been much help at all. But if you want to bail go right ahead, chickenshit!" Chloe invaded my personal space to tower over me. "Me and Max don't need stuck-up prick like you around."

"I've had enough of you running your mouth off at me. Your whole bullshit, tough-girl act doesn't fool me so I suggest you watch your mouth when speaking to me." I met her heated glare with my own chilly one. I'm certainly not going to let this punk bitch walk all over me. So what if I thought about high-tailing it out of here? Anyone in my position would have considered doing the same, seeing how moronic these two acted. I mean really? Lighting a fucking bomb on school grounds?

"Enough with the stupid ass bickering! Help me figure out how to fix this!" Max forcibly shoved the two of us away from each other.

We were moments away from ending up in a bitch fight.

I cover my ears, protecting them from the screeching siren to compose myself. Max was right, this isn't the time for fighting. Think Clarissa. How do we get out of this?

Max can rewind time, but that just leaves us with the door still locked, then we end up in this situation again. How can the rewind help us? It'll just return everything back to normal, except Max and I. We aren't affected by the rewind. All things and people are returned to the way they were before the after the rewind stops. Ugh, how is that going to help us?

I glanced over to see Max and Chloe rush into the Principal's office. Why are they going in there when the alarms ringing, at this point we should just get out of here.

Wait….Max and I aren't affected by the rewind, but the door is….

I got it!

"Max! I've got an idea!" I shouted over the alarm from he entryway of the door.

"We're busy ginger! Just get lost already." Chloe harshly reproached me. She was crouched over searching through cabinets.

"Stop it, Chloe! What is it Clarissa?" Max put the files she was looking at down and quickly came over to me.

"Use your rewind Max-" I started, but was interrupted by Chloe.

"How the fuck does that help if we end up back where we started?!" Chloe furiously marched over to us.

I tuned her out and continued talking to Max. "But you have to stay inside the office. So when everything goes back to normal you'll be able to open the door for us, without using the pipe bomb. Get it?"

I'm going o go deaf at this rate from the alarm.

"T-That is so fucking brilliant! I got this!"

I stepped back away from the door. Max raised her hand, blocking out Chloe's objections.

_ReverserReverseReverseRevereReverseReverseReverse_

My ears exploded with a rush of noise from the fuzzy screech of the alarm. My view of Max was blocked as Chloe's body was pulled backwards out of the office and the door swung back into its original place. A cluster of smoke and flecks of flames and powder condensed back into its previous container.

The rewind stopped.

"Wait." I quickly reached out to stop Chloe from lighting the fuse.

"Holy shit! How the hell did you get here? Where's Max?" Chloe recoiled from me in shock, desperately looking for her friend.

Abruptly the door opened.

"Welcome to my domain." Max finished with an extravagant bow.

Not even a second ago, she was panicking, now she's making jokes.

"You are magic. I have no clue how the hell you got in there, but you did it sista." Relieved to see Max, Chloe tightly hugged Max.

Max sent me a knowing smile, behind Chloe's back.

It's weird as shit seeing how others are affected by the rewind. It's like our argument never happened to Chloe. The whole experience has been wiped from her memories. That is terrifying to think actually think about.

"The company I keep. Now let's find what we want and beat it. My powers only go so far and I'm not sure Clarissa going to be able to keep coming up with escape plans for us."

"Let's not do anything else incredibly stupid and crazy, alright? The rewind can't solve everything that goes wrong." I warily entered the office, thinking another secret alarm might go off.

"Man, I can see why the Principal locks this room up. Fancy faux art crap. He must want everybody to know he has money. But no taste." Chloe walked around touching anything that caught her eye. "How can you trust somebody who has a fucking bronze bird in his office? I'm glad I was expelled…"

Gee, what a fucking shock that the blue rebel was expelled. I'm more shocked that she even managed to get in to Blackwell in the first place.

"Yes, if only the Principal had a Monet or Picasso you'd still be at Blackwell." Max sarcastically goaded her friend.

"Eat me." Chloe stood from over the desk and flipped Max off. " I'm going to pilfer the papers on this ugly ass desk." Chloe strolled over and dropped into the giant chair overlooking the office.

How very "Godfather" of her. All she needs is a big furry cat and the image would be complete.

"Okay, sure, it's ugly but damn is it a cozy chair!" Chloe propped her feet up on the desk and swiveled the chair side to side. "This is your chance to get all detective 'n' shit Sherlock. Find some clues about Rachel…Or Kate…Or Nathan….Anybody!"

"I'm on the case chief." Max mock saluted Chloe. She came over to me next. "This could be your chance to find out who your boyfriend really is too Clarissa. He's not a good person to be around."

Max kept our conversation low so Chloe couldn't hear us. Keeping secrets from your best friend isn't a smart idea. Especially seeing as my significant other is a guy Chloe absolutely loathes.

"Max, I already know who Nathan is. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me otherwise."

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anybody still interested in this? I'm currently working on my Fantastic Beasts and Suicide Squad stories so LiS isn't on my radar. I've kind of lost interest in the game right now but if people still want to read this I can try getting back into drafting chapters.

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"This pretty much sums up Kate…Shy and sweet…And in the wrong place." Max said as she shuffled through folders of student info. "Two more files to go."

I skipped the chance to read through any of the files and instead attempted to put them back in order after Max finished getting what she needed. None of these files held anything useful that Max couldn't find out by talking to the students, themselves. Her idea of evidence needs work. Only thing of note in any off these binders was the letter to Ms, Grant I had found. The petition turned out to be a failed effort. Ms. Grant couldn't get enough signatures so now everyone at this school is going to be under constant surveillance. Cameras on campus are not good for me, not with the things I end up having to do.

How can anybody feel remotely comfortable at this school, knowing they're being watched 24/7 by Mr. Madsen? He may have good intentions, but his methods are unorthodox. Though, his paranoia is well-founded. I don't have any right to criticize Mr. Madsen, I'm the criminal not him.

I moved over to the shelves to check what files were under the mountains of binders. It's so disorganized and cluttered in here. How can Principal Well's stand being in this cramped, cluttered, room?

More junk, More useless files.

Nathan. I pulled his file out from under the binders hiding it away. I know Max is going to want this. I opened it and quickly overlooked the administrative notes. There is only positive reflections on his file, marking him out to be another model student of Blackwell. These lies could be the truth if Nathan wasn't so volatile and put more effort into in his school work. He's capable of holding a 4.0 GPA if he puts his mind to it. Insanity and ingenuity often go hand-in-hand.

"Here, Max. Another file for you." I handed the pristine record to the detective-in-training. There isn't anything incriminating in there for her to see. Mr. Prescott wouldn't have it any other way. He likes for his son's record to stay golden to the public eye. Handing over the folder might help smooth over the cool attitude Max has been spitting at me since I called her out in the science lab. She is really starting to fight back now, gone are the subtle, passive-aggressive insults she used to dish out. First Max starts actively badmouthing Nathan to my face and then she refuses to listen to my advice. Her stupid late stage of rebellion is going to get her hurt. With the way Max is turning out, I'm tempted to let her crash and burn on her own, but I made a promise to Kate. I have to do better.

If I want to keep Max out of trouble I need to keep her close. I can't push her away or she'll start digging up trouble.

"His record is spotless…." Max snapped the folder closed in frustration. "Figures."

I shrugged my shoulders in response to her exasperation. Did she really think Principal Wells was going to put all Nathan's dirty little secrets in that flimsy folder? I scooted over and let Max come look at the mess I was looking through.

"Oh! It's my folder." Max blurted out. She quickly yanked her prize out and eagerly read over the notes left inside. By the end of it, she was annoyed with the staff member's degrading comments and her dismal GPA displayed.

Inwardly I snickered at Max. Instead of worrying about Warren's grades she should be worrying about her own shitty grades. Her scholarship is going to waste since Max can't be bothered to do any work for her classes, except the ones involving my dad.

Max tried to sneak a peek at my folder next, but I swatted her hand away. "Aw, come on Clarissa. You saw my file." Max did her own impression of a pout.

"I didn't ask to see your file, you just opened it up in front of me…..There's nothing in there for you to see. Now move along, Max." I guided her to the other side of the desk to continue her search.

"Party pooper." She complained. "Anyway, lets nab this last file."

"Ginger must be secretly be a bad girl if she doesn't want looking at her file, Sherlock." Chloe looked up from the computer to leer at me.

"No. I'd just like to keep my business private." I said and went back to needlessly looking through files.

Goodness. How does anyone do this for a living?

"Bingo! I think we found everything we need." Max exclaimed. She triumphantly held up a third folder, labeled Rachel Amber. She padded over to Chloe to set down her findings. Chloe was too intrigued by whatever she found on the computer to notice.

"Max, you better come check out these files." Max leaned over Chloe's shoulder to look at the screen. "Nathan accuses Rachel of bringing drugs on campus? And my step-troll went along because he thinks Rachel was a bad influence on me. Assholes." Chloe spat out before pushing herself from the screen.

That's right. Nathan had busted Rachel so he could keep her out of the dark room business when he found out about her and Dad. Stupid Rachel wanted to be his sole model. Rachel wanted to be model so bad that she was willing to screw her way to fame just like all the other bimbos. I hated her for that.

"If David is teaming up with Nathan Prescott…..That's a bad sign." Max looked back at the computer after glancing at me to see if I'd say anything.

I'm not stupid Max. I know you're trying to play both sides. You want to help your best friend and you want me to help you understand your powers. Juggling a friendship with two girls that are opposites and with conflicting agendas is hard work. I give you props for your dedication and deviousness, Max.

"Nathan Prescott the third. Oh he's so money and you know the Prescotts dropped major bank to bury Nathan's real file….Look it reads like a rap sheet-bad grades, teacher complaints, secret probation….But I was expelled?" Chloe scrolled though the windows she pulled up. I moved forward to see what Chloe found.

How the hell did she manage to find all this on Well's computer? These are files that were sure to have been hidden in some obscure file or on a USB. Is Chloe some kind of hacker?

"At least Nathan was finally suspended. Check out that note….Open it." Max pointed to a window Chloe had minimized, deeming it unimportant.

"That's just some crazy drawing….." Chloe lazily replied after clicking on it.

I squeezed on the chair, caught off guard by the image. When did he do this?

"It's not drawing….Look, Rachel in the dark room….Rachel in the dark room…Over and over. That's it." Max corrected.

Nathan drew a bunch of things that looked like scribbles, but were warnings in ink repeated multiple times to create an image. The drawing is morbid and depressing. Nathan must have drawn this after the accident with Rachel….I never knew about this…

"That's…..fucked up. What does this even mean? Nathan is truly psychotic. I know he has something to do with Rachel Missing…" Chloe shivered and adjusted her beanie.

"Whoa, listen to this. David M. always asks what's going on in my head….David M. always helps me follow those he follows….. Pretty cryptic."

I'm getting creeped out listening to Max and Chloe. I was sure I knew everything that goes on with Nathan. HE always tells me everything so why didn't he tell me he was talking to the security guard? I thought Nathan couldn't stand Mr. Madsen. Did he lie to me?

"No, it sounds like they've formed some sort of weird team-The Super He-Bros." Chloe mocked.

"Jesus, David was stalking Kate, hassling me, and now we know he was all over Rachel too." Max counted off David's offenses on her fingers.

"Oh, we are so going into his garage files…Plus I'm getting a little paranoid in here. We got our info, let's bail. But maybe we shouldn't leave without a gift." Chloe slowly leaned back in the chair, eagerly looking at Max.

"No you are not taking the cozy chair." Max shook her head.

I let go of the chair and stepped back after Chloe started twirling the chair around like a petulant child.

"Max do your powers include mind-reading? Or did you just rewind because I tried to steal the chair? Shit I'm confused."

"Like she's waste her powers on something so moronic." I chided the punk. It's not Chloe would have gotten far trying to carry that heavy chair.

"You want to take this outside prick?" Chloe shot back, jumping out the chair.

"I doubt you've ever been in a fight. Punks like you are all talk." I insulted her again. Chloe's entire being just annoys me, she's literally a walking disaster. I've only been around her for the night and she has caused trouble on three separate accounts. Breaking and entering was her first crime. Next was the pipe bomb that didn't occur this time. Now she's suggesting stealing a chair that would make it obvious someone broke into the school. Chloe Price, disaster on wheels.

"Hey, hey, let's remember the power of friendship. Lay off on all the fighting." Max the mediator stepped in and put an end to the erupting conflict. "We should definitively get out of here. We pressed our luck enough."

Chloe huffed and kicked her foot against the desk, making one of the drawers slide out. "Hello, what have we here?" She curiously looked into the drawer, forgetting about me. "Holy shit, jackpot! Cha-Ching!"

Chloe's cry prompted me to look at what she was fussing over. An envelope full of money caught her eye.

"Bowser, that's a lot for the handicapped fund." Max gushed.

"Dude there's five-thousand dollars here. I could pay Frank back tonight! This'll chill him out after you almost, you know, shot him." Chloe put the money back in the envelope and sealed it.

"You need to put that back, now! This is crossing the line." I almost screamed. The fuck is wrong with this girl?! What kind of fucking person even considers stealing five grand from a school? This is a serious felony and the Principal will surely involve the police in this, once he discovers the money is gone.

"I don't take orders from you!" Chloe snarled at me, keeping the envelope out of my reach in case I made a grab for it.

"That doesn't fucking matter, Chloe. Don't you understand stealing that money is asking for trouble?" I turned to Max for help. "Back me up here, Max."

"Are you really going to make a big deal about this, Max? Or just rewind and take the greens for yourself? I hope you do that instead of lecturing me." Chloe held the envelope out to Max, letting her make the call. Max's eyes rapidly went from my impassive face to her friend's forlorn one.

Max's next chair will determine if I continue to involved myself with her. I will not deal with another Rachel scenario. If Max chooses to continue selfishly using her rewind than I'm out. I have enough to deal with that already causes me to lose sleep and makes me question humanity. I'm not going to be an accomplice to another morally grey person.

Max closed her eyes. "Frank knows things about Rachel and he might talk if he's been paid….Right?"

"You are Super Max." Chloe smugly hugged Max.

I should have known. When it comes down to it, everybody is selfish as shit.

"And with the leftover dough, I'll take you on a road trip to Portland for the day. We'll stock up on tats, beer, weed, and doughnuts. And strip clubs….Kidding! But you never know." Chloe was moving around like a bunny on crack, waving her newfound cash around.

"C-Clarissa, Chloe really needed that money." Max tried to reach out to me after Chloe scampered out.

"Save it for someone else Max. I really thought you might have been different." I walked away from the hurt doe, not at all in the mood to hear her excuses.

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"I can't believe all the shit that's happened today." I wearily undress myself down to my underwear. I neatly folded my clothes and set them down on the couch. My bottom was the next thing to land on the couch.

I had ditched Max and Chloe. I refused to waste anymore time on them. Chloe didn't care about my sudden attitude and was happy to see me go. Max was genuinely hurt by my dismissal but I didn't care, she made her choice. For the finale of the night, Chloe wanted to break into the pool and go skinny-dipping. No doubt Chloe the Freak would have been thrilled to see Max in the nude. She should at least come out to her friend so Max is aware wouldn't be oblivious to her come-ons.

Fucking Max Caulfield, she's giving me a headache….So is the sounds of these whale noises. I have no idea how Nathan finds the cries of whales to be soothing enough to fall asleep to.

I got up from the couch to dial down the whale sounds. I watched Nathan toss and turn in his bed, tangling himself up in his sheets. He's wildly muttering in his sleep again and sweating bullets.

"You shouldn't wrap yourself in blankets if you're hot, Nate." I gently pulled at the covers, trying not to disturb his sleep.

Nathan became more frantic in his sleep and started kicking his legs out. His arms joined the fray next.

"Ow, fuck! Wake up Nathan! Wake up." I roughly shook him while cradling my hip that he'd somehow managed to strike. Nathan is still pretty strong despite how skinny and unhealthy he's gotten.

"Don't touch me! Stay away!" Nathan screamed. His eyes flew open but he didn't register being awake.

"Shh! Calm down, Nate. It was just a nightmare."

I grabbed ahold of his arms to keep him from hurting himself. Nathan struggled against my hold and continued to cry out.

"N-Nathan stop! It's me, it's Clarissa." I let go of his arms to grab hold of his cheeks, forcing Nathan to look at me. "You're safe, Nate. It's just you and me here. No one's going to hurt you."

Nathan's turbulent blue eyes watered. He gasped as he finally came out of his terror. Nathan's body sagged, almost falling off the bed. I kept him steady in my arms.

"Fuck, Ris….It was awful." Nathan sobbed.

I rubbed his back and combed his hair, knowing he needed me to listen.

"I was trapped in this dark place. Everybody I know was in there and they all were telling me how fucked up I am…My Dad was there…He…He blamed me for my Mom's accident and said I was an abomination. He said he should have smothered me in my sleep." Nathan's words were slurred and I could feel snot on my chest. "Rachel was there too…She wants me to pay for what I did."

This nightmare he's talking about is a recurring one though the content is different each time. Somehow, the part about Rachel seems too coincidental. Too many things are tying back to that girl. It's like she started all this madness.

"It was just a dream and nothing more Nate. Rachel is gone, she can't do anything to you."

I can only comfort him about Rachel. Sean Prescott is a real threat that I can't keep at bay from Nathan.

"It wasn't a dream, Clarissa! It was real. That nightmare was real. They're coming for me, I know it…I'm gonna die." Nathan pulled away, madly looking around his room.

"No you're not going to die. You're going to live till you're fat and old, Nathan." I joked, vainly attempting to distract him with dry humor.

I held Nathan until he slowly mellowed out. His breathing returned to a regular pattern as I recounted my night out with Max. The story managed to get a string of mad chuckles out of Nathan. He enjoyed the idea of blowing up Principal Well's door. I complained about Max and Chloe until I started drifting off myself.

Today was a nightmare.

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"Tell me you're joking, Clarissa?" Nathan bolted up from his bed. The remote he had been absentmindedly pushing buttons on was tossed to the side. Nathan had been using his projector to flick through his camera's images.

"No, I'm not." I nervously twisted my locket. "Dad wants to send me away to live with my grandparents in Riverport."

This wasn't even the worst news I needed to share with Nathan. My living arrangements was the easier news to share. I love my mother's family and I wouldn't mind living with them again. It would be refreshing to get away but I can't leave. I can't abandon Nathan or even my Dad.

"So you're going to leave me here to take the fall for all this shit?!" Nathan hollered but his broken eyes betrayed him. He's scared of being left alone.

"I'm not going anywhere, I don't care what Dad says. If he doesn't want me here then I'll move into the dorms. I'm a legal adult, he can't make me leave if I don't want to." I protested against Nathan's accusation.

I've become too much of a burden for my father. If Dad doesn't want then Nathan is all I have left. I can do this. Worst case scenario, I have some money saved up that could cover my housing since my tuition is covered because of Dad. I'd have to get a job to pay for my other expenses.

"If your Dad really wants you to leave the he'll make it happen somehow. That man always gets what he wants." Nathan snorted. "What did you do, Ris? Did you piss him off or something?"

"I didn't…" I hesitated, unsure if I should tell Nathan about my shower idea. "Dad is tired of seeing me depressed is all. He's trying to help me. He hasn't completely lost his mind."

I may be insanely furious about the things he's done and even the things he's made me do but he is still my father. I can't give up on him. Nineteen years of childhood isn't easily forgotten or tossed away.

"Stop defending him! Jefferson is a sick fuck that deserves to be behind bars. I'm not going along with these games anymore." Nathan stomped over to me. "Wake up and smell the coffee, Clarissa! He's not your Dad anymore." Nathan shook me like a rag doll to break me out of my delusions.

"Stop it, you're making me sick." I pushed against his chest to stop the shaking. I haven't eaten anything and yet my stomach is clearly upset.

"You're making me sick with your fucking Electra Complex." Nathan loudly huffed and fell back onto the couch next to me.

I cringed from hearing that psychology term applied to me. I admit that I'm overly attached to my only parent and greatly revere him, however I have no deviant thoughts or feelings towards Dad that would make me have an Electra Complex. The very thought of my Dad as a man with any kind of urges still grosses me out.

"Look, Dad isn't the real enemy here. He's been roped into this madness just like us." I rubbed my temple, preparing for the ensuing shit-storm. "There's someone else pulling the strings, Nathan."

"Oh really? And who is the actual mastermind of these sick games then, if not Jefferson?" Nathan spoke to me like he was talking to a child that told him unicorns and dragons actually existed.

I wanted to smack Nathan for the lip. Here I am, driving myself crazy over mu turbulent boyfriend is going to react and he's treating me like a joke. I have no idea if Nathan going to believe me. He could refuse to accept the truth and go on one of his violent outbursts. He could lose his mind and retreat back into his delusions. Nathan might even feel so helpless that he tries to end his life. I'm scared of all the scenarios I've come up with for potential outcomes.

I don't want to hurt him. I know how devastating it is to realize your parent is vile.

"I'm not going to get mad, just tell me already." Nathan's impatient hiss lured my eyes over to him. He must have read my nervous expression and guessed he wasn't going to like my answer. I swallowed, dreading how the rest of the conversation would turn out.

"Sean Prescott made my father into what he is now. Everything that happens in Arcadia Bay is orchestrated by your father. Even what happens in the dark room." I could feel tingles going up my spine. His name alone strikes fear in me. I feel stupid for fearing a name but some of my worst memories are associated with him. Sean Prescott has become my own version of he-who-must-not-be-named.

"My old man may deal in a lot of shady stuff but he's got nothing to do with Jefferson's night hobbies."

He doesn't believe me.

"Nathan, your father blackmailed my Dad into coming back to Arcadia Bay. I don't know why but Mr. Prescott needs Dad for something."

"Why the fuck would the richest man in Arcadia Bay need some shitty photographer like Jefferson when he could hire anyone he wanted? Stop trying to shift the blame on someone else!" Nathan started to get more and more riled up from the slights toward his family.

"I'm not, I'm telling the truth. Your father is in charge of something big and I have to know why he's doing all this. I have to know the reason behind all this madness." I half-shouted.

I'm in the dark about a lot of things and it's driving me crazy. I've been blindly helping Dad because I didn't want him to suffer alone. He always looks after me and I wanted to help him however I could.

"Where's your proof then, Clarissa?" Nathan stood up. His whole body trembled.

Is he trembling form rage or hurt?

"The proof is in the bunker. Dad could never have afforded to have that place built or buy all that expensive equipment in there. All the bills and statements for the bunker are Sean Prescott's name." I pointed out the most obvious facts to him.

That bunker had been made especially for my father. According to him, he needed a professional setting to do the work Mr. Prescott requested of him. I still don't know what work he's doing besides the photos.

Minutes passed before Nathan said anything again.

"Let's get out of here." Nathan mumbled as he blankly snatched his car keys off the table.

"Where do you want to go?" I hastily grabbed my bag to follow him.

Nathan's abrupt change concerns me. He was willing to fight me and deny his father's involvement at first. I understand his anger but I'm worried about his silence. Does he believe me? Does he hate me now?

"I don't know. I just need to leave."

 


End file.
